


Dissolve

by mizzy_yolo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Eren Yeager, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Car Accidents, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time Bottoming, Fluff, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Minor Violence, Temporary Amnesia, one sided eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-08 03:23:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 64,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5481554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizzy_yolo/pseuds/mizzy_yolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger is confined to the duties of keeping order in his small way of life, watching his beloved mother die slowly of leukemia. Having nothing to make of a dull life, he's fumbling to and fro until his best friend Armin makes him start to live again by volunteering hours at the Survey Publishing co. promising it was only to help him graduate.<br/>Running into a short, grumpy, writer by day, then an extremely attractive stripper of sorts by the night?<br/>Could Eren even find anything in such a not so uninteresting life?<br/>Or could this begin something more life changing than the words he had heard of his mother's health?</p><p>     Modern AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Twist and Turns

**Author's Note:**

> So once upon a time I had this story up, but when I went to update it, I believe I might have accidently deleted it. So after working out the tweaks, I'm going to go ahead and post it again here. As far as the usual tidbits go, I hope you guys enjoy. I started this fanfiction about 2 months ago and have come a long way with my writing and I'm excited as to what's to come. Comment/questions at any time. I'd love to see what you guys think. 
> 
> Now that I'm done rambling, enjoy!

"She has one year, approximately."

Those words forever changing my way of life refilled my ears again.

_Just a year._

_A year._

The actuality of my mother's health became all too clear when I found myself by her bedstand. Eyeing the motionless body, I sucked in a breath, my trembling hand holding onto icy fingers.

My mother was dying of Leukemia. She was wasting away, bit by bit each and every day. Through the hazy dissolve, I was left alone to take care of her. It was all I knew. Changing her sheets, refilling the IV. My father left us years ago before my mother was even diagnosed. I have heard nothing of his whereabouts nor am I interested in the man who abandoned his family.

I gritted my teeth, praying mom could feel the warmth of my hand around hers. In her small room, I'd been standing by her for an hour now. Glancing at the digital clock, it was almost 6. Staying by her side, it kept me sane through the process. Feeling her skin against mine. Even if she was rarely ever responsive.

My adopted sister, Mikasa took the news of my mother the hardest. She shut herself in her room. I barely was able to get her to come eat a meal during the long hammering weeks. She looked as if someone had taken the very life out of her. Basically what happened. It was up to me to keep things in order. Even if 'order' was slipping through my fingertips.

"I'm gonna head to school now, mom." I whispered, barely audible. I bent to brush lips against her cool forehead. Shutting her door softly behind me, I padded my way down stairs. Living in a condo of three bedrooms, mom, Mikasa, and I had little no problems financially. When mom's parents died, they left us an amount to last us a lifetime. Even if her's was only 11 months.

I found myself in front of Mikasa's door.

I knocked softly.

No answer.

I cracked the door a smudge, peering into her room.

Her back was to me, facing the wall. Her tall body was curled in a big black hoodie. Her black tendrils swirled around her red scarf I'd given her a welcoming gift years ago. She has yet to take it off.

"Mikasa? Do you need anything before I leave?" I whispered eyeing the way her hand curled and uncurled in a fist.

She shifted her body to look at me. Her dull gray eyes seemed puzzled by my question.

"No." She finally let out.

I sighed leaning against her doorframe my eyes wandering over her small room.

"Okay. I'll be back later." I muttered, not bothering to see if she heard me. I clicked her door shut, slipping my black converse on. I had my black bvb T-shirt on (I don't even know the band all that well, the shirt was comfy though), and a pair of low waist jeans.

I looked down right slouchy. But seemingly my choice in clothes never seemed my top priority. Not anymore.

Armin would be here soon.  
Grabbing my wallet I scanned the small living room. This place was still new to me. Mom had to live closer to the hospital that took care of her the best. Forcing us to move out of the Shiganshia complex from dowtown into Trost. It was all too foreign in this part of New York. I tried not to think too much of it.

Fortunately I was able to attend the same high school. I was in my senior year, it seemed pointless to transfer in the middle of the second semester. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket.

It was Armin.

**Be there in less than 2 mins**

I padded an 'ok'.

Slinging my book bag across my shoulder, I locked the door behind me. I slipped the hallways down to the elevator, prodding the down sign with my finger I stood waiting. Life had become a blur of grays and whites. Shading darker some and lighter later. I leaned my back against the wall, taking in a shaky breath. Images of the happy life I used to live flooded my memory. I haven't felt any sort of happiness, nor "life" in what felt to be years. But seeming that I still had a heart beating in my chest I must be doing something right. Maybe.

The happy chime of the elevator drew my attention back. The doors slid open to reveal a short, and I mean short man. His features were of nothing I had ever seen before, raven hair slicked back, parted down the middle, strands of hair falling on his forehead. Jawline sharp and yet almost feminine. His short body was tiny but never less male. Muscle ripped around his abandoned in the tight back sweat shirt, clinging to his body. His thighs were shaped perfectly in the black slacks he wore. Sweeping my eyes back to his face I noticed his breath taking gray blue orbs of eyes were..glaring.

"Are you gonna gape all day or are you gonna get in?"  
His deep voice retorted me, wearing a passive expression.

Pulled out my haze my body finally moved into the corner of the elevator, furthest from the short male. My mind still foggy, I couldn't help the sneaking glances at him. 

"Sorry." I muttered, avoiding to meet his glare. I could legitimately feel it on my face. How could someone so tiny be so intimidating?

"Didn't you parents teach you not to stare?" He looked down passively at his perfectly shaped fingernails, interested in a reply.

I cringed at his comment. I was annoyed at the fact his presence felt so high and mighty. I fought back the urge to puff out my chest, my male ego biting at me. Even with the drastic difference in height shorty looked like he'd have no problem shoving a foot up my ass.

The machine chimed again before I could muster any comeback. With a sharp turn to his head, the male walked gracefully out into the first floor. I stumbled out of the elevator. When I looked up to him, he was nowhere in sight. Almost felt as if I imagined the whole thing. I shook my head, picking up pace through the front lobby to Armin's waiting car.

Opening the car door, Armin gave me a fake curt smile. Obviously I had taken to long. I knew the blonde better than he thought. When he was even remotely annoyed with me he'd give fake kindness.

"Sorry." I flashed an apologetic smile his way. The corners of his mouth twitch.

"Took you long enough. Were always late because of your slow a.s.s. Eren."

He sighed. I faked a gasp.

"Armin did you just-"

"Shut it." He laughed, the sides of his face crinkling. I smiled. Being around Armin was always relaxing. It took my mind of the uncontrollable parts of my life.

"Did you do any studying for the geometry exam?" His voice strained. He was well aware of that answer.

I didn't try to keep the sarcasm out of my tone.

"Of course." I smirked, a smug expression crossing my face.

He shot me a look, sighing again. Armin was wearing gloves and a huge coat over his tiny body, reminding me slightly of a small female.

Traffic was thick, we rode the rest of the way without another word. I was grateful for the silence. Helped me prepare to deal with the other human species. Armin was different. He has always been there for me, knowing him since I was a toddler, we were really the best of friends. He understood what I was going through. The rest of the world could go fuck off. My eyes followed the scenery we passed. Tall building surrounded as far as the eye could see.

I dozed for what seemed far too brief when Armin was shaking my arm lightly, concern flicking over his deep blue eyes.

"Up early again?" He asked softly, prodding at my arm.

I rubbed the sleep from eyes. Gathering my book bag, I looked back at Armin giving a small shrug.

"Yeah but I'll be okay."

His shoulders relaxed, still, he looked unconvinced.

"Let's go." He finally said, sliding out of his car. I shoved my legs forward, hoping to wake them up. Slamming the car door, I scowled to see who was making his merry way towards us.

"Yo Armin!" Jean Kirstein, smiling that oh so charming smile at my blonde best friend, I let myself cough when I saw his grubby fingers trying to touch Armin's hair.

His eyes darkened as they landed on me. "Eren" He regarded me as if I was some sort of disease. I sneered at his tone.

"Nice to see you too, Horse-face."

His glare was almost laughable. Almost. I wasn't in the mood for someone like Jean. Armin being the little angel he was, read my mood, then offered we head inside the school.

Jean obeyed obediently.

Gross.

Stupid Horse-face was finally getting over his ex- lover Marco, who left him for a female. Crushed his flamboyant ego all together. Until Armin took pity on his, the guy had been sitting all alone in every class, lunch, and was always picked last. Apparently Armin's kindness for the poor fool helped him find his ego once again. Making Armin his rebound. My stomach turned because Armin recently admitted he wouldn't mind seeing someone like Jean. I tried to keep the disgust off my face when he told me that one.

Armin had been struggling with his sexual preferences for awhile, I stayed supportive even with the supposed of a horse faced bastard being his love interest.

I followed behind the two, sharing almost the exact schedule it almost felt as if Jean had taken the third place of Mikasa.

Mikasa has yet to show up to school since hearing the news of mom's health. It's been a month now. Everyone likes to ask 'are you okay?' or 'how are you doing?' I'd always answer with an 'okay' or 'fine' for the people that actually tried to give a shit about my life. Mikasa's lack of appearance, or so to say the reasonings went around the school like wildfire, making it all the more their business rather than just my own.

"Eren, hello?"Armin waved a hand in front of my face. Jean snickered. Snapping me back, away from my taunting thoughts I looked down at Armin, puzzled at what I was suppose to have been listening to.

"What?" I stammered for words. Armin sighed.

"I was asking if you wanted anything to eat from the vending machine before the bell rung." He shrugged, looking at the clock. "Too late now though."

"Nice one, Jaeger. Can always count on you to space out." Jean decided to give his unwanted input. I gave him a hard look then turning my attention back to Armin who was taking his usual seat in the back. I sighed and followed after him.

Sliding my book bag on the arm of the chair, I muttered, "Sorry, my head is still a little foggy." Armin just laughed.

"It's no big deal, Eren. Really, I wanted to see you eat something." He admitted. I looked at him, resting my head in the palm of my hand, feeling my expression growing bored.

"I'm fine, Armin. Seriously." I said.

"Yeah, Jaeger doesn't need you to mommy him-"

"Jean," Armin's warning note in his voiced shut the stupid fool up, alongside the look he shot Jean. I bit back a laugh.

Jean stared down at his hands.

"Sorry." he muttered a whisper, giving me an apologetic look. I shrugged. Comments like those didn't bother me as much anymore. Especially not from a shitty horse-face.

Armin relaxed into his desk, turning his attention to the board, already starting to do the calculations in his head. I could literally see wheels turning in that genius brain of his. Nothing else was said as the class went on.

I failed the test. Wasn't a surprise though. The rest of the day went as usual. Fast and easy. I was failing most my classes though at this point I couldn't bring myself to care.

When the final bell rung, I moved through the crowds of bodies to find Armin. He was walking down the hallway, Jean right by his side. The two were talking about the newest game between the Patriots and the Packers, well Armin was trying to hold the conversation. He wasn't one to have much of a say on sports.

When he spotted me he gave me a look with a mixture of relieved and nervous.

"Is something wrong?"

He paused looking down at his fingers. "I uh will tell you in the car." He muttered, confusing me even more. Waving goodbye to Jean, Armin lead me out of the school.

Once in the car, Armin still hadn't opened his mouth, the silence was biting at my neck. I lost my nerve.

"What is it?" I finally snapped at him. He jumped in his seat, I felt myself instantly regretting getting worked up. I reached my hand to his hair, petting his longer length silky soft hair as an apology. He swatted my hand away, pressing his hands to his cheeks he turned to me.

In a rush he said, "I sorta signed you up for volunteer work at a publishing company to help your credits. I signed up as well, so did Jean, Connie, Sasha, Ymir, and Christa too."

He sucked in a breath his eyes scanning my facial reaction.

I felt my mood darken immediately.

"You didn't." I growled, feeling the anger heat up in my belly.

"I'm sorry!" He raised his hands in defense. I almost felt offended he would feel as if I world ever try to hurt him. He must have noticed my offended expression, letting his hands drop, Armin whispered,

"I know you don't like the idea of it but the disarray you've been living isn't right, Eren." His eyes pleaded for me to understand but I couldn't. I couldn't understand why he would do this behind my back. No, wait, that wasn't right. I shouldn't be surprised he did.

I sighed, "When is it starting?"

He perked up at my question, hope filling his eyes.

"Monday. It's from 2-4 each day. By the time graduation rolls around, it gives you the slightest chance of graduating." Armin explained. Then it hit me why he had done it. He knew repeating a year would only put me into a depressed, pissed off state. I'd be miserable. He did it for me. Like usual.

I felt my body relax into the car chair, any remants of anger gone out the window, as he finally pulled out, heading to my apartment complex. Sneaking sideway glances at me every two minutes I knew he couldn't drive like that. I let out a loud sigh of defeat.

"Okay." I said simply.

I could feel the relieved vibes from him. He smiled softly at me.

"Thank you. Want me to stop at a Mcdonald's for a quick dinner?" Armin wasn't gonna let me go home empty stomached. I nodded at him. Humming softly he pulled in front of the menu.

I fiddled with my seatbelt as Armin ordered. After getting our food he dropped me off in the front my apartment parking lot.

"Need anything just call me okay? I am gonna be a bit busy this weekend but do not hesitate to call me." Armin ordered as I stepped of of his car. I couldn't help the playful grin twitching at my lips.

"Busy with a special horse-face, I presume?" I implied, winking at him.

Armin's face grew red.

"I wish you wouldn't call him that." He paused, "You're really okay with me being.. you know, gay?" His voice quivered.

I gave him a funny look, coming to the driver's side to open the door, pulling my friends little body into my bigger one, tightening the embrace he relaxed against me.

"Armin, you're my bestfriend. Whatever you do with your life I just want you to be happy, okay?" I leaned back to search his eyes.

I saw the warmth creep back into his cheeks, his smile bright. "Thanks Eren, I really appreciate that. Like a lot." He breathed a sigh, relieved, pulling out of my arms sitting back into his seat.

I grinned at him. "Of course."

"I'll see you Monday, okay? And don't forget about the publishing company."

I stood in stony silence, suppressing the grin I wanted to throw at him.

"I can try."

"Eren." His voice stayed stern.

It only made me laugh.

"Okay okay." Waving a hand I turned and said, "See you later, horse lover."

I got a honk for that one.

Finding myself in the elevators reminded me of the intimidating male I'd seen earlier, still wondering if that had really happened. Reaching my floor with a happy chime, I dragged my feet to the front door. Armin and school could only keep me distracted for so long. This was my real world. Crushing, uncontrollable reality.

Stepping inside I was shocked to see Mikasa sitting in the living room on the couch, casually watching some cooking channel. She turned her dull eyes to met mine when I clicked the door shut.

"Hey." She said impassively.

"Hey?" I wasn't sure whether to be pleased about the movement or worried.

Mikasa turned her attention back on the TV. I moved to the kitchen to slide my bag on the back of a kitchen chair. I noticed the dishes in the sink.

Had she tried to actually eat?

"Mikasa, did you eat today?" I asked cautiously.

She turned, so slowly, reminding me of a sloth, nodding.

"Do you mind going to the store later tonight?" She asked.

Something wasn't right, I'd been getting used to her no need of anything.

I looked into her eyes across the room, noticing there was more life in them than I'd seen in what felt like eons.

"Uh sure. What do you need?" I asked, curiosity ringing in my tone.

She shrugged so slowly, tilting her head back, thinking deeply. After several minutes she answered with soup.

Soup.

I could do soup.

I told her I would leave around 7 she nodded and went back to watching TV.

Slugging up to my room, I stripped off my shoes, and shirt, hitting my mattress hard. In just seconds I felt myself give into the most welcomed arora of sleep.


	2. Don't cry over spilled milk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just posting because I have no restraints:)  
> much love to all.  
> If you guys stick with this story I just want to thank you.   
> Its kind of tough to get through the first few chapters so I believe in you!

_Mom held out the blue ribbon to me. The sides of her face crinkled with a smile. Her hair fell into her eyes but she swiped it away to look at me as I stood excitedly in front her, my whole body buzzing._

_"I'm so proud of you, Eren," lifting me into her arms, she held me tight against her chest. I relaxed in her embrace squeezing back, feeling a goofy smile pull on my lips._

_I'd won the best creative writing in the entire class. I came straight home, in excitement, to show mom my ribbon. I loved writing, making up stories and such but I loved making her proud of me even more. She examined the blue crispy edges, I held out the winner paper, my eyes wide with glee._

_"This deserves a treat!" She said, turning towards the kitchen, I was still bundle in her loving arms._

_Together, mom and me made homemade ice cream._

_"Want to lick the spoon, little champ?" She asked, love in hers eyes as she handed the spoon to me._

_Licking at the spoon, the cream tasted perfectly sweet, I watched mom put the rest of the contents in the freezer._

_Yawning sleepily, mom turned back to me. Suddenly my stomach did a somersault. Mom's face became pale and sucked in. She looked sick. Extremely sick. Panic rose within me, I yelled, "Mom!"_

_Her eyes softened._

_I saw her lips move but I heard nothing. I couldn't hear a thing. Nothing except the ringing in my ears. My blood drained from my face, trying desperately to reach her, my arms outstretched to her. To embrace her again._

"Eren."

I jolted awake, my brow damp with sweat. I opened my eyes, closed them, then tried opening them again. Breathing heavy, I sat up, as my eyes focused on Mikasa.

Her brows knit together as she examined me.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

I shook my head, rubbing the sleep, along with the remnants of the lucid dream from my eyes I said groggily, "Yeah, I'm- wait why are you in my room?" My conscious was finally returning to me, confusion as to why Mikasa was sitting on my bed, in my room. She hasn't been in my room over a month now, long with the rest of the house until I remembered that I would get her soup. I looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was 15 minutes past 8.

"Shit, I said I'd get you soup." I rolled out of bed, stuffing my feet into my shoes. I yanked on my t-shirt then paused at looked back at my sister. She watched me, an unreadable expression crossing her face.

"How's-" She cut herself off, turning her head she focused her eyes on my bvb poster hanging on my wall. I squinted at her, not sure what to make of her state of mind, I rolled my shoulders back.

"I'll be back soon, okay?" I was halfway out of the door when I heard my bed rails creek.

"Are you going to walk?" She narrowed her eyes at me, looking almost big sisterly like. It suddenly pissed me off.

"Uh yeah?" I snapped a bit to forcibly.

"I don't think that's a good idea. It's been dark already for awhile," she said, raising a brow at me.

Ignoring her remark I muttered, "I want something to eat too so I'll be back later." I didn't bother to look back at her as made my way to the front door. Mikasa has basically been dead for the past month and she decides now to start acting alive? No. I have been the one taking care of mom. Me, not her. Though she had only narrowed her eyes at me and questioned me, I still felt extremely pissed off that she thought she could start being controlling again.

I shook my head angrily, clicking the door shut, I stomped down to the elevator punching the down sign. It was taking forever, I stood waiting on the balls of my feet, my nerves were getting the best of me. When the machine did its happy chimed, I muttered, "Bout fucking time..-"

There he was. Again. But this time his getup was nothing I could fathom.

"Oh, not this again." He tone more than a little annoyed, before I realized what he was doing, taking me by the wrist pulling me inside of the elevator with quick, unexpected strength. Letting me go, I stumbled back against the wall when the doors slide shut. Looking him up and down, I had to stop my mouth from drooling.

His chest was barely covered with vest like straps, stuck to him skin tight. Overlapping into his tight leather spandex, outlining every detail of his chiseled body. Knee high hooker boots, making him seem a inch taller. My eyes swept to his face. His eyes were outlined with black eyeliner, making those blue gray piercing orbs even more striking. I noted, instead of being slicked back, his hair was a bit shaggy in the front, almost covering his eyes. I sucked in a breath, finally getting to my senses.

"Holy shit." The words left my mouth before I could stop them. He eyed me, a teasing smirk playing on his lips. Oh God what the hell is wrong with me?

I had never been to worried about my sexuality but in that moment I knew I could devour him with my eyes alone. The very thought aroused and terrified me.

"Holy shit, huh? You act as if you've never seen a stripper before, kid."

He retorted me, his expression growing bored. I cringed at the word kid.

"I haven't." I blurted, inwardly kicking myself.

"Obviously. Stop staring. Its seriously starting to creep me out."

This damned midget.

"I'm not staring." I said, defense coursing my tone.

"Sure kid." Shorty crossed his arms over his chest, striking a feminine pose by jutting out a hip. And somehow he made that pose work.

And somehow that just wasn't fair.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him. "How can I not, in that outfit I am suppose to call clothing?" I decided to try my luck, watching as his eyes narrowed at me as if I was some bug needing of being smushed beneath his boot.

And that was somehow all the more tempting to keep running my mouth.

Fortunately, the gods may still have purpose for me when the happy chime of the elevator rang out before he had time for another witty remark. Before he could possibly send me flying to my grave. I didn't put it under him to do so.

I began to sigh, relieved as I saw him turn toward the opening doors. Then the feeling hands on my chest, pressing against the wall of the elevator. Leaning up shorty purred a whisper right into my ear, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.

"Clothes that you could undo with your eyes alone, right?" A curve of a smirk must have formed on his lips in my ear.

And just like that he was gone, walking gracefully towards the lobby doors. Heading to whatever life waiting for him. My legs gave out from underneath me, my breath hitched. I suddenly forgot where I was. Hell, I forgot my own name. Did I say my thoughts aloud? I certainly didn't think so. It was as if he had read my mind. As terrifying as that was.

The sight of the doors sliding shut pulled my out of my haze, slipping out before they shut. When I regained control of my legs, I felt a tight pressure on the crotch of my pants. I groaned moving my legs faster hoping to undo myself. How the hell could one tiny stripper midget be so.. so.. fucking I didn't even know how to describe him. His sexual radiance sparked desires in me I didn't even know existed, at that I'd only laid my eyes on him twice now. I was allured but also precarious.

Shaking my head lightly, I headed out of the building down onto the sidewalk. The February sky set earlier, so I troded carefully avoiding snow. By the time I got back with the little bit of groceries, it was almost 10. I'd been in a, god damnit, horny state and was really desperate to shove food in my face and crawl back in bed. Tossing the bag on the counter, Mikasa must have heard me, coming downstairs she stared dully at the bag, tilting her head to the side slightly. She was in her big hoodie again, her face pale.

"What'd you get?" She asked slowly. I turned back to the bag and handed her the chicken soup I'd bought her. I wasn't really sure what her tastes were anymore, so I just went with what I thought she'd might like.

After thanking me and making her soup, Mikasa padded back up to her room. I dug through the bag till I found the coke and pop-tart I'd bought.

Wasn't the healthiest meal but so fucking what. Prodding up to my bedroom I deposited my junk foods on my bed, heading over to my mom's room.

I turned on her bed stand light looking at her IV. I got another pouch of water from the refrigerator I kept in her room. Glancing down at the needle in her skin my stomach did flip flops. I wanted to preserve her. But in the end it seemed pointless. I felt numb.

Kissing her forehead I clicked her door shut, slouching back to my room. I hated the fact that she was simply dying. That there was nothing I could do about it. Resting myself on my bed, I snatched the remote and switched on the TV for some distraction. In the end I only took sips of my coke and tiny bites of pop-tart.

Switching the TV and the lamp off, I found a certain midget creeping his way into my thoughts. Feeling the sudden tightness in my pants, reminding me I still was fully clothed I sat up. Pulling my shirt over my head, then trying to maneuver my jeans without hurting myself, I fell back onto my sheets. I thought about scary movies, books, anything to turn that part of my body off. Hell, I even tried to imagine Jean naked, almost puking at the thought but still little stripper kept popping up.

After a few twists and turns I gave into my uncontrollable lust, slipping a hand into my boxers. After a good release, imagining unmentionable things, I groaned and turned over.

This just wasn't fair that damned midget.

____________

The sun. The fucking sun. I groaned, rolling on my stomach, shoving my face into my pillows. I seriously needed to move my bed away from my window. I looked up at my clock to see it was only 7. Usually I could sleep till 12 in the afternoon but not today. The sun wanted to fuck with me. Rolling out of bed I stripped my clothes to head into a hot shower.

Standing under the hot water my body began to relax. I was still drowsy, but it wouldn't matter if I tried to go back to sleep. I'd been really anxious all weekend.

My stomach was practically eating itself. Turning off the shower head, I slipped a towel around my waist and started for the kitchen. Mikasa was standing in front of the fridge in nothing more than a tank top and underwear. It used to seriously bother me when she did that. I'd always cover my eyes because I'd be too tempted to look her over but for once I wasn't bothered to see her so exposed. That, however didn't stop the comment from leaving my lips.

"Mind putting some clothes on?" I muttered looking for some cereal in the cabinets. She looked at me her eyes wandering over my body, I then realized I was being a hypocrite. She said so.

"Yeah what about you, naked?" She jutted a hip out, looking at me.

I tried to sound indifferent, "I'm a guy." I shrugged. Seeing her like this. It was like she was her old self again. Something had sparked life into her. I was hesitant to ask what exactly what the was.

She gave a small laugh. "Okay, Eren." Turning her attention back to the fridge picking out a smoothie. I finished making my huge bowl of cereal, padding up to my room. Though it made me I guess, happy to see her back, it also gave my stomach an unsettling feeling. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

I shook my head, eying my closet. Armin had texted me to wear presentable clothing for Monday. Shuttering at the thought of putting tight "suitable" clothes on, I picked through my closet.

Through the 3 pairs of jeans I had, I did have a button up mint green dress shirt. Wearing that with a pair of faded jeans seemed to be my best option. I pushed the two items of clothing to the side for a reminder then turned back to my phone. I told Armin I had something decent enough then pushed out a breath walking over my small room. Standing by my TV stand my blue ribbon was tucked between two DVD cases. Sliding it out between the cases I rubbed the blue edges with my thumb. An unrecognizable emotion welled up in my throat.

I was always a big writer as a kid. Even in middle school I tried pursued my dream of completing an actual book. But I never had the patience to keep with it. I love reading, getting lost in a world with different worries from my own. A little escape. I sighed, sliding the ribbon back in place in the stand. That blue ribbon was the most valuable thing to me since my childhood. I like to think it represented something. Clichéd as hell, I know.

Slipping back in bed suddenly drowsy. Giving into the welcomed sleep, I relaxed in my comforters.

______

I slept the rest of the weekend away, with the occasional food and piss breaks. Doing the usual with mom and detrailing on the fact I was so dreading Monday only to find it was here. Slugging out of bed I headed into the world's fastest shower. Afterwards I slipped into my jeans, deciding to wear a white undershirt pulling the dress shirt over my shoulders. Standing in front of the mirror I examined my reflection. The cuffs came perfectly around my wrists. Seemed to shape me pretty well. Tucking the front of my white shirt into my jeans then choosing a belt, I hadn't realized how 'presentable' I could look if I actually tried to give a shit. Slicking my hair back, I went to brush my teeth, still looking into my reflection I was thoroughly impressed with myself. I only had my converse and some snow boots that looked ridiculously huge on me.

I went with the converse.

Clicking my door shut, I stepped quietly into mom's room only to stumble back as Mikasa tried to make her way out.

Fixing me with an almost glare, she pulled me by my arm downstairs after shutting mom's door.

"What?" I finally snapped when I hit the last stair. She was seriously starting to piss me off.

Mikasa looked at me, her expression unreadable. "I already did the usual with mom's IV." She said.

I bit back a harsh laugh. "Why the hell would you do that?" I glared at her.

"Look, Eren" She paused looking down at her socked feet. "I need to help you more with mom. You shouldn't have to do it all on your own."

"Yeah? You think I haven't been thinking that for a month now?" She opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off.

"Don't get up and suddenly act like you need to give a shit. I am perfectly content with taking care of her on my own." I crossed my arms, watching her.

She stayed silent for a few minutes, looking anywhere but at me.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her shoulders began to tremble violently.

My eyes widened. I caught her before she fell to the ground, holding her sobbing body to my chest. My heart ached hearing the choked muffled sobs. She must have been holding this in. Like I have. I felt like a jackass.

"I-" Her voice broke as she tried to calm herself down. I rubbed her arms.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." I whispered into her hair.

She shook her head, wiping at her face she turned to me.

"I.. I just don't know how to deal with it, my birthparents and now-" She broke into another sob, her body shaking. I held her tighter. Mikasa wasn't one to ever cry. She'd always been the tough big sister. Seeing her break down like this. I could feel my own tears in the back of my eyes.

"It's gonna be okay." I whispered. She began to calm, her breathing slowing.

"I understand if you don't want my help." She paused, fiddling with a strand of her hair. "I just feel so guilty."

I leaned back to look at her, "Look, I'm sorry about being a shit. We can-" I paused thinking. "We can take turns?" I almost laughed at the childish suggestion. But that was fine as long as it gets her to feel better.

Mikasa's shoulders relaxed. She nodded, wiping at her tear stained face. I stood up when I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. Mikasa, still resting on the floor, let her eyes wander up my outfit. I turned my face as, I pulled out my phone. For some reason I felt almost embarrassed. Which was incredulous, considering had put so much time into my appereance for once. Sniffling, Mikasa said, "Do you have a job interview or something today?"

I groaned. "No, Armin signed me up for editing hours at that one Survey Publishing Company, apparently to help with my grades." I looked at my phone to see Armin had, yet again, sent another reminder text. I rolled my eyes, exasperated.

"Oh." was all she said to that. I gave a dry laugh. She was more correct than she knew. Heading to the kitchen table to grab my bag and wallet, Mikasa got up from the floor and plopped down in the couch.

"I'll see you later okay?" I said, halfway through the door. She nodded, turning on the TV. She was probably not ready for school yet. People are too ignorant for her tastes.

Too my surprise there was not a midget in the elevator today, I almost felt more disappointed than relieved. I tried not to dwell. Strolling up to Armin's car, I plopped into the passenger seat. Looking over at me Armin's eyes went wide, looking me up and down. I wasn't sure what to make of his reaction.

"Oh.. wow. Like, WOW." Armin finally said.

I stifled a laugh.

"Are you checking me out?"

"Uh yeah. Maybe just a little." He admitted, his eyes still roaming over my body.

"I wouldn't say that in front of your horse friend, he might get jealous." I said, laughing as Armin's face suddenly turned red.

"He won't be able to keep his eyes off of you either." Armin muttered, rolling out of the parking lot.

"That statement is puke worthy." I testified.

Armin just laughed as we headed to school. I noticed he was wearing cargo pants with a black button up Calvin Klein shirt that was a bit loose around the waist. He looked pretty good himself.

We rolled up to a parking spot Armin was able to snag. Slamming the door shut Jean was already by Armin's side, sliding an arm around his waist. Armin actually smiled up at him. Ugh, gross.

Connie and Sasha were making their way towards us. Along with Krista and Ymir. Must be a little meeting for the publishing thing today.

"Armin, what time do we go for the meeting?" Connie asked. Connie was pretty cool. Connie was an okay dude. But never count on him for remembering anything though. Sasha was eating a poptart and a rice crispy in her right hand the other intertwined with Connie's. The girl could put more food away than a horse. The two complement each other well, to a delinquency.

Armin looked down at the paper he was hold. "Today it's only 2-4 because they are going be showing us the ropes."

Connie nodded. Then turned around, Sasha along with him, "Okay. See you guys after school then." Armin waved, then looked to Krista and Ymir, a confused smile on his lips.

"You guys need something?" Armin asked the two girls.

Ymir looked uninterested. Krista, could be an angel in disguise, perked up. "Uh no, we were just wondering what time too, right Ymir?" The blonde looked to the brunette for approval. Nobody could distinguish the simple fact the two were always wrapped around each other.

Ymir just nodded at Armin.

"Okay," Armin said. "Then we'll see you guys later okay?"

Waving bye to the girls, I felt oddly stuck out of the whole group. Everyone was, well, together except for me. I shook my head as I strolled behind Armin and Jean watching as Jean smiled down at Armin. I hated to admit it, but seeing someone smile like that at my best friend, I felt a bit of reassurance.

Passing the day as usual, I had an unnerving feeling in the pit of my stomach all day. Really, I just wanted to go home and sleep. But in the end I knew that would hurt Armin, something I could never do to him. Along with the small parts of me wanted to actually graduate.

The final bell rung, I passed the mix of bodies heading to Armin's car. He was already in front of the wheel, looking giddy as shit. I tried to seem stoic, but he was so excited that it was impossible. I finally cracked a smile when he asked, so damn cheerfully.

"You ready to go?"

I shrugged, the smile still on my lips. "I guess, I kinda have to."

Armin gave me a funny look but ignored my efforts to seem passive. I mean maybe I could enjoy it.

Or I could just pass time.

Pulling in front of the large building I was taken aback at how elegant it looked. Just the doors looked like they'd cost a fortune.

I looked over at Armin who was shoving his wallet and phone into his bag. I breathed out a sigh getting out and slamming the door. Following after Armin, we met Jean, Connie, Sasha, Krista, and Ymir in front of the doors.

Heading inside, I let my eyes wander over the little office boxes everywhere. Some occupied some not. Checking in at the front office the lady gave us all a small smile.

"Wow," She scanned us over. "We haven't had this many volunteers in a while." She dialed a number into her work phone.

"Ah, Mr. Smith the new volunteers are here. Yes. Okay." She gave another pleasant smile. "Mr. Smith is on his way down. Just take a seat in those couches over there." She pointed at the couches, I sat next to Armin.

"You better not slack off." He retorted me with a seldom expression.

"Me slack off?" I scoffed.

Armin just rolled his eyes, scanning the informative sheet the clerk lady had given him. I looked out the glass doors, wondering what Mikasa was doing right now. I'd been wanting to ask her if she goes out while I'm gone but I wasn't sure if I wanted an answer. Seeing her move around the house so much lately has been making me so unnerved alone.

"This looks like a nice bunch" A deep voice pulled me out of my thoughts, turning my gaze toward it. A tall, muscular man stood, a welcoming smile plastered on his face. His blonde hair was parted on his forehead, his white work shirt seemed almost to small around his huge frame, along that I was wondering how the hell he got his thighs into the black slack pants.

I snuck a look at Armin, sure he'd be the one to do the most talking. But my blonde friend has bad habit checking out other good looking men. I saw Jean shift in his seat, jaw tightening.

Armin then stood, a smile on his face. His hand gestured for me to stand as well. I sighed and stood, as well as the rest of the group.

"Mr. Smith right? Thanks for having us today." Armin said sweetly. I bet he knew how good he was at getting the 'little angel' advantages with higher ups. Mr. Smith's huge body was no exception. He walked over to Armin extending his hand. Armin took it. Jean shifted on his feet. He was obviously feeling intimidated. And I couldn't really blame him. I felt it too. Taking a step back Smith addressed us.

"Yes, it's a pleasure of meeting you all. I am Erwin Smith, the chief executor of this company. We have lots to do so let go ahead and get to it." Smith looked down at his clipboard. "I know this is gonna sound a lot like school, but I need to know if I have all the right people. Just let me know if it's you when I call your name."

"Armin Arlert?"

"Here." Armin gave a small nod. Smith smiled at him. I wasn't sure how I was feeling about this blonde.

"Jean Kirstein?"

"Yeah." Jean's voice strained. He needs to get his shit together.

"Connie Springer?"

"Here."

"Sasha Blouse?"

"Here," Sasha shifted on her feet, her hand on her stomach. Obviously this was taking up her time eating.

"Ymir and Krista Lenz?"

"Here." Krista said, Ymir gave a curt nod.

Smith turned, his eyes on me. "You must be Eren Jaeger then."

I nodded slowly. He smiled.

"Alright now that we got that out of the way. Here is the basics. I'm going to assign all of you guys with one author. You run errands, getting the what they need. Sort of like a assistant. Sometimes they might ask you to help them edit. Just do your best." Smith explained. "Now since there is only seven of you there won't be any double pairing." Ymir looked particularly annoyed by that. Smith directed us down a hallway, between the little offices. I watched as some were writing and then some were just laying their heads books.

"These are mainly journalists here. You all will be assigned to novelists. Ah, there they are." Smith lead us to a back, bigger office where we all piled inside. When I went to scan the authors, I felt everything stop.

No spandex. No straps. No hooker boots. No, he looked like he did the first time I saw him. Suit pants that shaped his thighs, a dark skin tight sweat shirt, his coat was behind him in the armrest of the chair. Armin nudged my in my side, tearing my eyes from the midget who has been filling my sexual desires, Armin raised his eyebrows at me. I shook my head slightly, then took a seat.

I could feel his gaze on me. No need to look at him. If I thought I had any chance of him not recognizing me, I was simply mistaken. Shit. I finally brought myself to look at him. My eyes widen, his eyes were narrowed at me, his lips set in a hard straight line.

"Okay," Smith's voice pulled me away from his gaze,"These are the authors I was talking about. Let me introduce them."

Smith walked to the corner of the room and pointed at a woman with light brown hair and light brown eyes. Her hair was pulled in a ponytail.

"This is Petra Ral. I have assigned Krista to be with her." Smith looked to Krista. She gave him a smile and walked over to Petra, shaking her hand. The two walked out of the room. I saw Ymir look after them.

Smith continued, "This is Keith Shadis and I've assigned Jean with him." Smith pointed at a bald, older gentleman. Jean looked uncomfortable as he followed the man.

Connie and Sasha got theirs next but I didn't bother to pay attention. Shorty was still in the room. His eyes kept glancing my way for a second till I met his then looked to Smith. The traditional eye glancing game. Yay.

Ymir got hers and I realized it was just Armin, Smith, shorty, and me. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"Okay, Eren. I'm going to assign you to Levi. You look like you might be the only one able to handle him." _Levi._ So midget had a name.

Levi glared at Smith, making a 'tsk' noise. He stood and nodded over his shoulder for me to follow. I was hesitant to leave Armin with the executor but he gave me a look. I followed Levi to his office. Clicking the door shut, the tiny place was well put together. But it also looked kind of empty. Gathering his bags he threw them over his shoulder and set me with a hard glare.

"Look you better have not followed me or some creepy shit like that to see me again, kid."

I felt my brows knit with confusion. "What?" I said.

What the hell? Was he actually that full of himself? On the other hand, its not like surprises me.

He watched me intently, I guess he decided that wasn't the case.

I offered, "I'm here because my friend signed me up without my permission, trying to help me graduate." I crossed my arms.

He scowled at me. "Whatever. If your gonna be my errand boy, you better do a damn fine job of it." He paused, "Eren, right?"

I nodded. "Where are we going exactly?" I was generally confused. Weren't we supposed to just do introductions today?

He glared at me as if it was the dumbest thing to ask. With that look I began to believe it was. "I have a shit ton of work I need to get done before tonight. And I never work in this shitty office. I write at home." Pausing again, still fucking glaring, "that's where we are going, kid."

This damn pet name was going to get old. He motioned for me to follow him. I did reluctantly. Walking out of the building we headed towards a black Chevrolet.

"Damn." I said, uncomely.

I have seriously no composure when I am around him. It feels like all the air is unavailable around me.

He smirked. "I thought 'holy shit' was more your thing." Levi slid in front of the driver's side. Ignoring his comment, I opened the car door settling down on the leather seats.

He didn't say anything else as we headed towards Trost. It wasn't the comfortable silence I had forged with Armin. No, this one was all kinds of awkward.

When he pulled into a parking spot I realized what I was doing. I was going up to the midget's apartment. The guy who has been haunting my desires for the past 3 days. I was going to be up there. With him.  Alone.

What the hell had I been thinking?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by far is the longest. Forgive me.


	3. Books and Poles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically as the title goes xD

Shit. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortably.

_What had I been thinking, following after him to his apartment?_

Levi pulled up into a parking spot, twisting the key in the ignition, shoving his keys into his pocket. Opening the car, shifting to get out. I turned in the leather seat, opening the car door. Slamming it shut, falling after Levi into Trost.

He pushed the up button of the elevator with his fingertip taking a step back, setting me with a unthrilled expression. I raised my eyes as if to ask, _what?_ He just turned his attention to the machine as it did it's happy chime. Stepping into his corner, I asked what floor.

Pointing at the button, he said, "PH."

I frowned. Looking at the buttons I found the PH button at the top of the buttons, realizing it meant penthouse. My eyes widened, I looked back at Levi.

"Are you loaded or something?" I blurted before I had a chance to bite back my bluntness.

A amused smile played on his lips as he looked at me, his eyes piercing me with their gaze. Tilting his head to the side he asked, "Kid, have you heard of the author, Teddy Acklove?"

Confused by his sudden question, I nodded. She was the author of my all time favorite book series, _Truth or Lies?_ It was about a boy named Seth with depression and anxiety, trying to find himself in the world. His mom was a drug addict that cheats on his dad. His father is always away on jobs. In the latest update, he was trying to commit suicide. That was the cliffhanger, it had been eating at me for a week now since I read it. I was dying for the update. The way I could read about another being's misfortune satisfied me somehow. Drowning myself with others worries and misplacement thrilled me almost to say the least. The author was a New-York-times award winning. How could I not know?

"Why?" I asked.

He shrugged, pulling his bag over his shoulder as the chime rang out, revealing his massive condo. Gliding in I followed Levi's graceful steps, I took in his well put out living room. Soft looking sofas, a larger flat screen, not much decoration on the walls, he didn't really strike me as the decorative type. Levi slipped his shoes off, hanging his coat in a closet, gesturing for me to do the same.

Padding into the massive kitchen I sat down on a stool at the marble bar. It felt kind of weird to be so casual in a foreign place but I didn't want Levi to know that. Watching him was like watching a cat. Everything was graceful. Never seeming to falter. Going to the fridge, then pulling out vodka, he turned to reach on his toes for a glass in the cabinet. I tried not to laugh. Really it was more cute than anything.

Levi must have noticed my amused expression when he shot me daggers.

Then a smirk curled around his lips, I caught my breath, unaware how much I was looking at his lips. Setting another glass down, pouring in the vodka. He pushed a cup towards me.

I frowned down at the amber liquid. "I'm a minor." I said my brows knit together.

"And?" Levi gave me a bored look. He sipped at the liquids.

"And just-" I cut myself off staring down at the liquid, then glanced at the clock above the stove. It was already 7.

"Look, kid, if you gonna stare at it like you need to shit, take it to the bathroom." Levi pointed at the hallway where I assumed the bathrooms were.

My face must have given away my disgust when he let out a small laugh.

It was the most beautiful sound my ears probably will ever hear. Finally I sighed, taking the glass into my hand, sipping lightly. I flinched at the burning sensations going down my throat. I fought the urge to cough. Levi was smirking again, obviously amused at my efforts to seem casual. He turned back to the fridge taking out a water bottle. Handing it to me, I took it gratefully.

Sliding off the stool, I went around the counter to hand him my cup. He sneered at my face. God this shorty.

"They're called minors for a reason." He poured out the cup. "Waste of a good drink, shitty brat."

I gave him glare, or at least tried to make it a glare. Either way he ignored me or just didn't care. Nothing seemed to intimidate him.

"Come on, I want to show you something." I followed him down the hallway into a room that had to be a study. Books were lined in every corner, a laptop at the work desk, papers scattered. Going to a shelf in the corner he showed me a collect of the _Truth or Lies?_ book series. I perked up.

"You read it too?" I asked, kneeling down looking at the books.

"I write them so reading them isn't much of a choice." He murmured, watching my face intently. My eyes widened. No way.

"What was your first pet's name, and what's your last name?" I rushed out the questions without thinking.

He gave me a puzzled look, lifting a perfect brow. "Teddy, and Ackerman."

"No way. _No way!"_ I shouted, taking his hands into my own. I wasn't really thinking, like at all. I was in more awe that my idol of an author was standing right in front of me. I felt like a schoolgirl seeing her idol on TV or something. Then I remembered he was still _Levi_. The short, beautiful imitating man I haven't even known for 24 hours. My tongue searched for audible words for the mixture of emotions I was undergoing.

Levi looked at our clasped hands, his features were unreadable, I took my hands back, feeling suddenly uncomfortable, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Your a fucking fangirl aren't you?" He tilted his head, a bemused smirk was on his lips again.

I rolled my eyes. "No, I am just seriously obsessed with your work." I looked around the room again. "So how long have you been working on it?"

He shrugged, turning his back to me he crosses over to his desk, his shoulders seeming to tense. "A year or so." He paused picking up a paper. "But as you saw once before, that's not all I do." He didn't have to face me to know the smug smirk was there.

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I honestly thought he was kidding about the whole stripper thing. I chewed on my thumb nail, a really bad habit of mine. Levi turned to me then, cocking his head to the side his eyes narrowed.

"Your not aloud to go flapping your gums about that other hobby, clear shitty brat?"

Kid now little shitty brat. Wasn't he so creative.

"I'm not even sure with that 'hobby' of yours is." I shrugged trying to seem nonchalant. His features twisted into what was undeniably mischievous. I shifted on my feet looking at him as a smirk spread on his lips. Striding up to me, resting his hands on my chest, he leans up, whispering, "Let me show you then."

I suck a breath through my teeth feeling arousal coursing through my body. Making a sound in the back of my throat I gave a dry, "what?"

Snaking an arm around my neck he pulls me closer to his level, a playful smirk still on his lips. "Your so gay, right?" I almost choked from the word. Taking a step back from him, shaking my head.

"N-no I'm not." I stuttered. I was unsure of that whole origin right not so i was ready to label myself as anything. Levi just rolled his eyes.

"Sure, says the brat who looks at me like I'm some tasty sack of meat." He jutted his hip out, striking a feminine pose, but somehow he made it work. The room felt too small, my palms felt sweaty, but I couldn't deny the fact I my blood seemed to run more places than one just by looking at him alone.

"I'm not." I muttered, finding my voice stronger. "At Least, I don't-"

Levi cut me off. "Let's find out then." He seemed mildly annoyed, but there was a faint playful in his eyes. Faint but there. Turning to head out of the room gesturing me to follow. I followed him, my brows knit in confusion. I felt like a 12 year old for being flustered so easily. Leading me into the living room he instructed me to sit on the couch. Puzzled, I did as he said.

"Give me 5 minutes, I'll be back." Levi said, the mischievous smirk back on his lips, he walked to the dark hallway before I could protest.

I turned forward, sliding my phone out of my back pocket. 2 miss calls and 5 texts. I opened them to see they were from Armin. All wondering where the hell I was. I padded a message. Feeling like I'd be late getting home. I padded a text to Mikasa.

**Work has me late, would you mind doing mom's IV?**

I set my phone down fiddling with the loose string at the end of my shirt, my phone buzzing quickly afterwards. I picked it back up, surprised Mikasa had been so quick to respond.

**Yes, of course. Stay safe.**

I rolled my eyes, she was back to her old controlling ways as if I was some fragile kid in need of constant protection. I wasn't about to chew her out for it, considering the withering state she had been in this morning.

I was still revealing the fact that about Levi being who he was when I heard the click of shoes, shoes that I would have distinguished as women's heels. I snapped my head at the tapping sound, almost forgetting how to breathe as my eyes racked over his slim, muscular, leathered body walking my way. My phone slipped from my finger, managing to stand up I devoured him with my eyes.

Instead of being partially covered like the last time, there was barely anything covering that pulsating body. The leather straps went over his shoulders almost like suspenders but much more sexy. Hell, he could make anything look sexy. Those straps wrapped around his slim waist, his hips popping. The spandex outlined his body so perfectly it must had to be a crime. Thigh high stocking into heeled boots. He looked exactly like what you'd imagine a stripper to look like.

"That's the look." Levi had stopped at the couch, a smirk playing on his lips. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

"Come on, kid."

"W-what?" I finally stuttered out, barely aware how hoarse I sounded.

He walked to his closet pulling on a long leather trench coat. He turned back to me, knowing I was still gaping at him with my mouth slanted open, his eyes rolled over my body, his passive expression giving nothing away. I could detect now when he wanted to look as if he had not emotions, masking them in that expression.

"You wanted to know about that hobby right, kid?"  
  


-x-

 

If someone were to ask me years later, 'Yo, Eren what's a gay strip bar like?', I would be able to answer with a perfect answer. At this very moment, however, I was helplessly unsure.

Levi had pulled up in front of a building that I could only describe as nefarious. It wasn't like that was necessarily bad.

It also wasn't good.

Levi leered at me, his eyes were clouded with a sort of tizzy tumultuous. If he was so goddamn excited then I felt I had a reason to scared. He bristled out of the car, motioning for me to follow. I groaned inwardly, somehow managing my footing to fall after him.

The entrance was guarded by two walls of muscles, who, looked like they were fighting the urge to laugh in my face after giving me an up down. Levi jutted a thumb at me.

"He's with me."

Muscles nodded at him, giving me another bemused look. My lips pulled into a straight line. Seriously wasn't in the mood to be a laughing stock.

Walking in, Levi lead me through the front doors. My body was filled with pulsating music. I could feel my steps vibrating. My eyes widened as I scanned the area. Bodies grinding on bodies. Smoke, alcohol, and sex filled the air.

One thought alone kept running through my head; I didn't belong here.

Levi finally lead me to the back part of the massive room, the music wasn't as loud. I could actually hear myself think. I turned to Levi with pleading eyes. Hoping he would understand this wasn't me.

I was interrupted.

"Leviiiii!"

He snapped his head at the new voice, taking a step to the side. Then I was crushed with what I was sure a monster.

With tits. A monster with tits. Somehow that didn't confuse me as much as the place I had found myself in.

"Hanji. Hanji, don't smother him." Levi's voice retorted the monster with tits that I presumed to be Hanji.

"Oh, shit, my bad!" When I could finally breathe, my eyes focusing on a woman with 90s looking glasses, dark burgundy hair pulled up in a ponytail. She had a slim figure, rather on the tall side. She wore what I could only assume to be a lab coat around a leather black body.

"Who's this new cutie you got now, hrmmm Levi?" She turned to him then gasped.

Maybe I wasn't the only one who couldn't fathom Levi's getup.

"You're going on tonight?!" She practically squealed with delight. "Damnit, I should have brought another pair of panties."

He eyed her with an annoyed look, but there was warmth behind it. "One, he is my new errand boy. That's it, so get that look off your shitty face." He scowled at her.

"Sure, sure, go on." She sneered, bumping him lightly with her elbow.

Rolling his eyes Levi turned to me. "Kid you're about to see my 'hobby'," He so emphasized the word. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "So have Hanji help you get comfortable."

He barely had the sentence out before Hanji was pulling me by the arm. "I got this lil cutie. Go on, go on." She waved a dismissive hand.

When I looked back he was already gone. Like he usually disappeared.

Sitting me down at a table the music died down, people were lining up by the massive bar, Hanji handed me a drink. I took it, figuring it'd be pointless to argue about it with her. Not with her spunk anyways.

"Whats going on?" I whispered at Hanji. She barked a laugh at the tremor in my tone.

"Oh honey, just get your cute ass comfortable. He wouldn't bring you here if he wasn't prepared to give you a good show, errand boy or not." I tried not to let the title sting.

She smiled a goofy smile. "What's your name, babycakes?" Her pet names were worse than Levi's.

"Eren." I said simply. She shook my hand, as if the formality would really mean anything. I mean seriously, I was sitting at a gay strip bar, so why bother with being formal?

"Nice to meet ya. So I'm just gonna assume you work with him in his daytime job, right?" I nodded. "Wooooah. Weird of him to bring someone from his day life. He just doesn't do that." She shook her head at me impressed.

I wasn't sure whether to be pleased by this news or concerned. So I just offered a small smile. I hadn't even known the guy for a day. I don't think I could earn a special spot just like that.

Not that easily.

Suddenly Hanji slapped a hand to my chest, pointing. The lights around us dimmed. A light shown at the pole that I suddenly became aware of. It was right behind the bar on its own little stage like area.

A song started thumping again, one that I might have heard once or twice at a party before my mom was diagnosed.

Something I actually did before my world fell apart.

I'd always imagined a female doing some sexual dance to it. To my surprise watching a male that barely cut 5 foot was all the more sensual.

Levi appeared on the stage, grasping the pole behind his back. He eyed the crowds of people, his eyes bordering of speculative boredom. But all a sudden his body starting moving.

In ways I could have never dreamt was possible.

_We gon' get it on_

I hadn't realized how close he was. He mouthed the words, slinging a leg around the pole. His hips rolled in a slow grind.

_I know what you want_

Twisting himself up and around on his pole, falling gracefully into a crouched position still holding to the metal. He ass pointed out to us, sliding out a leg. I felt myself sit up, leaning closer. I was obscurely memorized by his body movements. With each new raw power of muscles working it's way around that pole.

I had the sudden desire to _be_ that pole.

Moving down the bar, sliding a leather strap off, a blonde man offered him money, sliding the cash into his boot.

Levi stopped, mouthing the next lyric.

_Lil mama want her hair pulled_

_Legs pushed back_

Dropping into a crouch, spreading his legs so far apart it had my groin aching.

And not with sexual needs either. How the hell was he able to split his balls like that?

The man sat back, eying Levi's perfect form. Down with another strap, Levi kept the sensual sway of his hips as he moved further south.

Hot breath whispered at my ear, sending trikles of sweat down my neck. "Babycakes, you got money right?" I turned to Hanji, my breath slightly hitched.

"W-what?" I let out. She just gave me a shit eating grin, sliding some crash onto my thigh. I stared down at the money, only to look back to Levi sauntering in front of another paying man.

_Want it from the front, back, side, and in between_

Levi rolled his hips, sliding the other strap the had been covering his left nipple. Now, with his exposed chest he moved down, two seats from me.

_She wanna arch her back when I hit it_

My breath were coming out fast and short exasperated puffs. His glorious body was in front of me. It was right there. I fought the urge to reach out, purly out of the wanton needing of lust built against any sane thoughts. It was as if someone had reached up into my brain turning the 'off' button, leaving me to my own hopeless devices.

Levi held my eyes, a small knowing smirk curving on those perfect lips.

It was final. I was utterly fucked.

Sliding the cash in his boot without a second trance of hesitation. His eyes gave away the approval I got from the act.

Suddenly he was straddling my lap, _Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner- fuck, your stupid Eren._

His lips moved with the lyrics. Right at my ear. Hot, sticky breaths.

_She said_

_Take it slow, put it down on me_

Grinding his hips into mine with a needy thrust, I felt white hot pleasure soar through my veins. I choked on the mellow moans trying to escape my lips.

_I said jump on it_

_Ride like a pony_

Levi fisted a hand in my hair, giving one last roll of his hips. Then he was off, moving down the bar.

Leaving me completely hot and bothered.

"Hot dig-ga-dy damn, babycakes. I was gonna say you owed me for my show but I should be paying you." Hanji grinned, sliding me another drink. I took it eager to cool my body down.

It was useless of course.

By the time the song had ended I wasn't sure where Levi had gone. While I wasn't eager to have his smug I-told-you-so face given my way, after fighting the rage to completely bounce his when his hips had been pressed to mine; he was unfortunately, but in my own fortune my ride home.  Hanji must have noticed my confusion.

"He's getting dressed. Can't leave naked." She couldn't keep the teasing sneer of her face even if she tried.  "Though I'm sure you wouldn't mind either way."

I almost choked on my drink. I was still reeling at what just happened. I felt like I was being tested by a sex god. An incredibly promiscuous sex god.

A hand clamped down on my shoulder, lips whispering at my ear. "You ready, brat?"

I nodded, my heart skipping a beat through the contact. Levi lead me out of the bar after our saying goodbyes to Hanji. She just 'happened' to slap my ass when I turned around.

My breath was, fucking finally returning back to normal as I slide onto Levi's leather seat of his Chervolt. Roaring the car to life, he turned to me a smug smile on those fucking perfect lips.

"You were totally hard."

I groaned, covering my face. Levi only chuckled, not saying anything else on the way back to Trost.

Once in Trost's elevator, I stayed in the far corner of the small, enclosed room. I wasn't about to tempt myself any further.

I was damn well grateful I got off first and just as I was about to get off, when a tug on my sleeve stopped me. I turned, expecting some other remark about my dick. But I should never expect anything about Levi.

Or assume.

Levi brought me to his level, that incurved smirk already there. Our lips inches apart, my eyelids hooded. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

Then he released me.

Steel blue eyes smiled, "See you tomorrow, kid."

I could still feel those eyes piercing me even after the doors had shut and he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys can find on instagram @ ereri_ackerman loved to hear from you all!   
> I love you all!


	4. Meek Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter. For more than one of the obvious reasons.  
> I really love the friendship between Eren and Armin.  
> Also, I watched the last episode of Attack on Junior High and I must say the part 'No Name' Levi came out I might have went into fangirl over drive. He is to precious.

Being woken up to continuous thumbing of knocks on my door all while suffering from my first hangover in what had to be 2 years was not the highlight of my morning.

I rolled through my covers till I fell hard off the mattress onto the floor. My cover had taken the journey with me, twisting it around my neck to my chest I gave a shouting/growl-

"Who-" I paused, angling my head to glare at the door. "The fuck?!" I cringed at my own voice. My head was _pounding._

The knocking ceased.

 _Fuck yeah._ I turned my body away from the door, pulling the cover back over my head. Apparently I was just gonna have to sleep on the floor. My body was aching like I had done hours of hardcore aerobics.

But alas no. Just drank shots of alcohol and got a lap dance from a promiscuous male sex god. No biggie.

I heard the click of the door, concerned if it was Mikasa that had been the one knocking; I turned back to apologize. I didn't want to yell at her two days in a row first thing in the morning.

But the universe forever hated me.

Head falling back to the floor, I realized Mikasa would never put her ass in my face. Like ever. And hers was not this fucking bony.

"Oh my _God_ , Eren." A laugh erupted from Armin's chest. "You're in a mood."

Shoving the blonde off I fixed Armin with the most menacing glare I could muster. Which wasn't much. Regretting giving him the spare key to the apartment, I pinched the bridge of my nose.

_God, my head fucking hurt._

"Bite me." I growled, tugging the covers over my head again, resting back on the cold floor. As I much as I wanted my bed I knew beggars can't be choosey.

Kicking my leg, Armin said,"Oh no, get your moody ass up. I'm not so gonna be late." He sprawled himself on top of me, crushing me with dead weight.

"Kind of hard when you're crushing me." I huffed out the words.

Laughing he rolled off me, taking the covers with him. I mourned in silence. Rolling my eyes, I shuffled to my feet, stretching my arms up. My shirt raised slightly from my waist exposing my skin.

"Nice view." Armin wore a downright mischievous grin, twirling a finger in his hair. He was bundled up by my bedside staring up at me with that stupid look on his face.

"Oh yeah?" I was sure he had heard the playful challenge in my tone.

To my surprise, he took the bait. Armin tried a not-so-seductive lip biting, giving a big dumb ass wink.

Challenge accepted.

I dropped my bottoms, keeping my boxers on of course, giving my hips a little thrust. "Whatcha think?" I mimicked his earlier wink.

"Ah!" Armin busted out laughing, turning in his face into my covers I could see the rosiness of his cheeks. "Okay, okay! You win, now put on some clothes!" Armin reached to my bed for a pillow, chucking it at me.

I caught it, laughing lightly. For someone who had a raging headache I just couldn't pass up a playful mood with Armin. It was the sort of relationship I was most undoubtedly grateful for. Tossing the pillow back at him I drug through my closet to find something suitable. Deciding on a black button up and cargo pants, I slipped on my sneakers. Armin had already went down stairs. Slipping on a jacket, I slugged down the stairs.

Armin was standing by the door, his expression growing bored. "Come onnnn." I gave him a glare, turning to see Mikasa had padded down stairs as well. Armin stiffened. He hadn't been aware she even left her bedroom. The sight of Mikasa's tall yet slouched in body must have surprised him.

"Morning, you guys heading in?" Mikasa yawned, her eyes were circled with dark patches from the lack of sleep.

I nodded, snatching a bottle of water from the fridge. "You don't mind doing the usual with mom, right?" I mentally kicked myself for becoming dependant on her so quickly again.

Nodding, Mikasa waved back at us. Armin gave a small smile. "It's good to see you up and around again, Mikasa." His whispered tone snapped her attention back to him.

Mikasa gave a smile that had so much emotion but each were unidentifiable. My brow furrowed at the little awkward encounter.

Armin had distanced himself long ago because he felt his presence was a nuisance to Mikasa. Dumb, I know but once he decides on a task he makes sure it's done. I just don't think he understands that, really, Mikasa and I both appreciate him more than words could describe.

Sighing out, "Let's go, we're gonna be late." I followed after Armin. Mikasa had been at the counter as I shut the door, her face was turned. I could only imagine the expression she was masking in.

Pursing his lips, Armin shrugged a hand through his hair when we had settled in his car. Starting the engine he pulled out of the parking lot heading to school. I leaned my head against the window, tracing pictures with my fingertip as my breath fogged the glass.

Fortunately, I had managed to not to look too disappointed that the a melancholy author/stripper hadn't been there to join us in the elevator. I still had a lot to confide in Armin when it came to Levi. I pushed at the crease between my brows. I was seemingly more familiar with the guy in the last 24 hours. I wasn't ready to admit how much that pleased me.

"- so yeah, I sort of gave Jean a handjob and just, woah, I wasn't aware of the power my hands actually have." Armin had been rambling on.

I practically spit on myself.

"W-what?" I stuttered, turning my full attention to my blonde friend. My eyes widened in horror as my brain registered what had just left his lips.

Armin's sheepish grin made my stomach turn. "You've been distracted. I had to get your attention _somehow_."

I fixed him with a glare. "No, no continue. Give me a reason to hit him."

Rolling his eyes, Armin blew out a sigh. "Kay, but you have to tell me what's been up you butt all morning."

Giving him a pointed look, I ushered him to continue his little tale of more experience he officially had over me. My pride was sorely wounded.

"Can I be graphic? Cause I have no idea how to explain than. I mean I know you're the furthest thing from gay but-"

"Wait, wait. Who said I was the furthest thing from..." I shook my head, chuckling nervously. "Y'know what? Never mind. Sure be graphic. It's been on my wish-list to have a graphic image of Jean's dick floating in my head." I wagged my brows at him, inserting a finger in my mouth faking throwing up.

Armin blinked at me speculatively knowing full well I was holding back. Graciously, he let it slide for the moment.

"Right," he continued, we were halfway to the school now. "He is so, I guess physical. We make out a lot. Or he will like wrap his arm around my waist." Armin scrunched his nose in a happy grin. "I like that. And you know, things just got heated, _really heated_." Again, he reminded me of how I didn't really _know_. "Next thing I knew my hand was in his pants." Armin's face seized a dreamlike expression at the memory. I tried to keep the grimace off my face. "I wasn't really sure I was doing anything at all until he moaned. It was so sensual. Like he was jittering right there in front of me. I felt so powerful."

I turned my head to stare out the window again, knowing my cheeks were aflame. "Yeah?" I finally let out a exasperated shaky laugh. Thinking about dick this early in the morning really wasn't helping my latest predicament.

Armin cocked his head, poking at my cheek. "Yeah. So now that's out of the way, what about you? What was with the mood?" Armin snagged a parking spot, waiting for my most diligent answer.

I groaned. It was, really, deficient to try to keep anything from him. I inclined temperedly at him. "I just got really wasted for the first time in awhile." It was half truth, at least.

Armin looked generally relieved but tensed back immediately again.

"At home, right?" He held my eyes searching for the lie.

"No," I closed my eyes briefly. I didn't want to lie to him anymore than I had too. "It was at a bar. I had a ride home, of course." I shrugged back at him. I wasn't really sure what reaction I was expecting.

Armin sighed nodding. "As long as you were safe." He nodded again but it more for himself than me. I gave a small shrug.

"I just have been really, I guess pestered with Mikasa lately." I shook my head, fiddling with my seat belt. I could feel Armin's eyes on me. "It's like she's decided to come back to life and wants to dictate everything again."

Armin's eyebrows scrunched up. "I think she might feel guilty." He offered. I nodded like that made the most sense. It should have made sense. But for me it just didn't.

I felt the thin arms around me before I could protest the affection. Relaxing against my bestfriend I was grateful for these arms. Even if they were only temporary. I was so desperate for arms to help me stay upright. Because everything else was just tumbling down.

"I'm glad you felt powerful about Jean's grotesque dick." I whispered against his shirt.

Armin scoffed. Tightening his grip on my shoulders I knew he was fighting the urge to laugh. "It isn't grotesque." He thought for a moment then. "Using big words now are we?" He inquired, a hint of a playful smirk playing at his lips.

I opened my mouth with a witty remark that was sure, regardless of my best efforts, not ever going to be witty; when I was so rudely interrupted.

"Hey! Jaeger, whatcha think you're doing?" Armin and I jumped away compulsively.

Armin looked at his crazed boyfriend with a wary expression. Opening the car door, Armin breezed out, "Eren needed to vent out a bit because of some home issues." I saw Armin place a hand on his hip. "Or is that a problem?"

Jean, like the fucking idiot he was, just gaped. I had to admit I did too. Armin had attitude when he wanted I was now aware of.

"Ah.. Course not." Jean looked away from Armin's withering glare. I slammed the car door then, getting the horse-face's attention.

I winked.

Just to piss him off.

Worked like a charm. Jean's face screwed up between irritation and relief. Armin must have made a noise, Jean's eyes went down cast. I shrugged on my back pack.

Wasn't in the mood to be a bystander to a sappy, fluffy fucking relationship. I still had to both mentally and physically prepare myself for Levi. I would be back up there. Working of sorts with him. I wasn't sure how to greet the shorty. Was I supposed to act as if I forget he lap danced me into a raging boner?

Growling a frustrated sigh, I headed for my first class. Bio chem was far by the hardest class I had endured so far and I was ready to get the 90 minutes over with.

And I was prepared to do just that. But again. The universe fucking hated me. Slugging my feet I was about to turn the corner when I heard the last possible thing I wanted to hear.

"Yeah, she was seen coming out of a sketchy looking building. Apparently Jaeger has no clue she is selling drugs." A female voiced out, completely involved with the gossip.

"It's not just drugs either." A new voice spoke up, distinctly male. I fisted the wall, leaning farther in the hear better. _There was no way they were talking about her._

"She's also been sleeping around." The male voice revealed, "Mikasa's turned into a total whore since the shit with her moth-"

How my fist had connect, no consulved with the guys face in the matter of seconds was beyond me. My hand twitched with sensation of impact. All I could see was red. Tumbling back the guy held his face crying out. Some girl gasped behind me but I didn't care. I was about to take another swing for the guy when, strong beefy arms yanked me back.

"Hey!" I shouted, furious. I wanted to cause the guy more pain for daring to talk about my family like that.

"Calm down, Eren." Reiner Braun's deep voice rumbled in my ear. I twisted around when he loosed his grip. The huge guys eyes fluttered from me then behind me.

"What..?" I turned around to see the vice principal was storming towards me with a rather unpleasant look on his face. I glared back, not wanting to hear shit about what I just did.

Gripping my forearm, the v.p. announced, "Everyone go to class. Jacob go to the nurse. Me and Jaeger will sort of this, 'predicament'." The bald dude emphasized the word, turning me towards his office.

"What the heck, Mr. Jaeger? I thought you'd finally mellowed down with the punching streek." Mr. v.p. asked when we were settled in the far back of his office.

I had mellowed though. Until I heard someone talk shit that wasn't true. No way was it true.

I turned my head, refusing to meet his lecture. "That piece of shit was making up lies about Mikasa." I grunted out.

I heard his expected sigh. "Eren," he started, the unwelcomed pity filling his wrinkled eyes. "I know things are tough right now, but just hold on for a little longer, okay?"

I nodded, still refusing to meet his eyes. I knew what was next.

"Though I can't excuse you for this one, I can just make the suspension for the rest of the week." The old man said with a sigh. Really he should just retire with his age.

Shrugging I stood. I texted Armin what had happened. I also made it clear I was unsure I was going in for the hours today. Even if I wanted to see Levi again I just couldn't face people at the moment. My heart was hurting. I knew even if I tried so hard to deny it that everything that douchebag had said, had the potential to be true.

Turning off my phone, I didn't want to see Armin's reply. He'd know I had been suspended soon enough. I was able to catch a bus that dropped me off in walking distance to Trost. Riding the elevator up to my floor, unlocking the front door my fears were unfortunately confirmed.

Mikasa fell onto my chest. She stumbled back slightly, only to recover quickly her eyes filled with surprise.

"Eren?" She murmured. "What are you doing home so early?" We were still in the threshold, I held onto the door handle.

"I was suspended."

Widening slightly, her eyes scattered to my reddened fist. "Why?"

I took in a shaky breath then let it all out, "A guy said you were sleeping around and selling drugs. He called you a whore. Please," I grasped at the word, desperate to know that it was all untrue.

"Please tell me he was lying. That it was all a misunderstanding. Mikasa, please don't fucking tell me.." I trailed off, the tears were burning in the back of my eyes now. Because of the look she wore.

Pure guilt.

"Eren.." She hiccuped a breath. Then shook her head.

And I knew.

I turned from her as if the sight of her guilt disgusted me.

At that moment it truly did.

She reached out to touch my back but I stepped away completely. I shook an angry head. "Why?" My cursed voice cracked.

"I need to go." She whispered.

My heart caught in my lungs. She needed to go? To leave? To leave me? And mom? I kept my back to her.

"I'm sorry." Another whisper that I wasn't ready to hear.

How I managed my footing was a mystery. I heard her call my name but I didn't dare turn back. I would say things if I did. Things that I knew in the end, I'd only regret. Stomping to the elevator, at first I was unsure where to go. Unsure if there was _anywhere_ to go.

But one glance at the PH I knew. Punching the key with my finger, the happy chime of the elevator rung out. I wanted to shoot it. Levi's door was visible at the end of the hallway. Surfacing a knock to the door, I felt my stomach twist in knots.

I wasn't exactly sure what to say when ruffled hair, shitless but managed loose string bottom pants around that slim waist answered the door.

Yawning, Levi let out, "Kid? I'm not expecting you for another hour..?"He glanced around, "Right?"

The tears had been leaking out already, as if really registering my face for the first time Levi's eyes widened.

"Eren? What's wrong?" His concern filled me an unexpected warmth.

"I-" I choked sourly on the rock still forged in my throat.

His brows scrunched together, Levi pulled me into his elegant apartment. I plopped on his couch, swatting at my face. Levi sat next to me, resting his elbows on his knees. Waiting patiently.

I piled everything on him. Mikasa, the guy, getting suspended, and worst of all finding out it was all true. That Mikasa even said she had to leave. I told him about my mom, how I couldn't do anything while she was in the other room dying. I even told him about Armin and Jean and how insanely jealous I was over their relationship. Everything I had been keeping in just came on like a typhoon, hammering over this imperfectly perfect male.

"I'm scared." I whispered before I could stop my lips. "I'm so scared everyone is going to-" I was stopped.

In the most perfect way, my rambling of every misfortune had stopped.

Levi's lips were soft yet slightly champed against mine. His arms were tangled around my neck pulling me closer to his level. Breaking away, I realized the tears had stopped as well.

Levi rounded his arms around my shoulders letting me rest my head against his chest. The soft melody of his heartbeat played into my ear.

"Fuck kid," I felt his breath mingle in my hair. Then the words I never possibly thought I'd hear from his lips, "I'm sorry."

I felt the tears sting again, but as I nestled more into his chest, the melody of Levi's heart thumping I gave into the warm sturdy arms that held me upright for the moment.

Drifting asleep to those thrumps I felt oddly safe.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to keep posting and posting.


	5. Sticky Words and Phrases

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have a chapter in Levi's pov because well, I felt at the time it was needed.   
> So this chapter is a bit shorter than the rest but they are all important. Some more Levi and Eren action. My cuties.  
> I really am truly posting a chapter after a chapter because I am making up the lost time xD

_Levi_

Identifying the one of my many demons that possessed me to lean in and shut the poor brat up was near impossible. But for god's sake, Eren had a shitty life point blank, a life that I had once been to all familiar with.

Hell, still am familiar with.

He looked like a sicken lost puppy while he rambled on and on. The blank tear-stained face he wore. Pangs of ache filled me till I couldn't take it. Till I leaned in. Till those poor tears subsided. Being the uncomforting shithead I was, I did the only thing I was sure I was good at.

Now, alas, here I was resting on my couch with a fucked-up beyond belief brat snoring lightly on my bare chest. I had learned more about him in those 5 minutes I could write a story featuring completely on him. Eren's hand had been clutching onto my waist. I shifted, irritably wanting to have a shirt on. Eren didn't stir, his chocolate brown hair fell at the bridge of his nose.

Eren was beautiful, simply put. His eyes were what allured me the most. Blue yet green, green yet blue. With his eyes, and the way he didn't completely buckle under my glare. I hesitantly brushed the fallen hair off his forehead, smoothing it's silky softness back with the base of my palm. I studied his chiseled jawline. The way his adam's apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed convulsively.

Even with the beauty held in this brat, I didn't do virgins. No way in hell. And it was more than obvious Eren was. I, myself had been taking it up the ass since I was 14. I liked being filled. I liked being in one's center of attention. As fucked as that is, it is who I am. Taking him out last night to the club, simply because in his own way he had _challenged_ me, I was merely fucking with him.

Or at least, that's what I kept telling myself.

In all honesty though, that's what I was ever about. A good fuck. Then move on. Break the kid's heart so he'd go running to Erwin that his intuition was wrong yet again.

But damn, why the hell did Erwin have to assign me with such a beautiful kid? And not even that, this kid has home issues that obviously on some level I understood. I hadn't bothered to ask Eren why or how his mother was dying but it sounded like absolute hell.

I grimaced. I couldn't fuck with this kid. No, that would be pure shitty. I still found it rather amusing however, how dead set he was to deny his sexuality when he had a hard on with one roll of my hips.

Eren finally curled into the couch off my body. I slipped completely from underneath him, starting for my bedroom's shower. I felt grimy. I shoved a hand throw my hair. I had actually slept most of the day away. Which was extremely rare for me. I usually could only sleep six, seven hours at the most. But whatever the reason, I felt zoned.

Starting the shower, I moved my head underneath the warm drizzle. Droplets scattered into my eyes, I swiped them away only to be refilled again. I reached up for the shampoo Erwin had given to me as a gift and winced as if I was in pain.

It made sense why the arrogant prick had assigned the kid to me, whether Erwin knew Eren's background or not.

He was really trying to do away with those final strings the had been attached for far too brief. Because no matter how much I wanted Erwin, or _had wanted,_ he would never be mine.

Cause he longed for someone else.

I punched the shower head off, stomping out. I was highly pissed at my thoughts. Fuck Erwin. Let the dumb fool get his heart broke.

Pissed I was so sentimental for something that wasn't even Erwin's fault.

Erwin had always, as long as I could remember, wanted his so very straight college best friend. The dude's name was so fucking plain too. Mike Zacharius. Seriously? I had met him once. His nose was to big for his face. The man all together looked old. I had no idea what has been going on in Erwin's head to go after such a freakish dude.

I could only guess Erwin has a smelling kink.

Relatively speaking from my own experience of being fucking sniffed out by the dude when I met him.

But nevertheless he is the man who has had Erwin all sappy and shit. Stretching himself thin for the guy.

And I was truly appalled that Erwin has always wanted after Zacharius, while I've been left with my own feelings for the blonde shit.

Erwin was the one who shoved me back and into the living after my mom died. He was there, ever since I was 12. _Always_. I was so fucking grateful for that too, because only god could tell you what sorts of mishaps would've happened to my ass. I had been lonely, aching for someone's arms. And as I said Erwin was there. He helped me find my tact for writing. I became a novelist. I'm fucking famous now and I shit loads of cash. All thanks to the man that'll never want me back.

And I can't say love me back. No, it's far more inferior than that. Because love is a delusional, mind made emotion that is far from real. Wanting and lusting after one, that's the closest I'm sure I'll ever to love. The word itself pisses me off. And maybe that's why I thought my feelings of lust may be returned. But for god fucking sakes I was so wrong.

I took advantage of the erroneous moment. And just got myself piqued. My mind wandered back to that night. The feeling of his hands on my body. The pleasure of his whole being injecting me. The anguish of him calling out someone else's name. I wasn't sure how my legs had managed to get me out of his apartment. How I had entangled myself in bed for days.

Erwin had came to the office that night in tears. Tears that should have not been there. He lifted his load of a tale on my telling me Zacharius was in fact engaged. He was so dreary. After I had held him in my arms what had to be hours, I made suggestion I soon found myself regretting. But I had him right where I had wanted. Taking me back to his apartment I got Erwin to agree on some whim of luck. I used a blindfold on his eyes while Erwin, fucking finally screwed me.

It was a unbelievable mind numbing screw, at first anyways. Right until he whispered out a name that hadn't belong to me.

And ever since Erwin's been playing it off with some new assistances every month. Because he feels _guilty._ Guilty because in his own way he finally understands how I feel. He was cutting that tie with trying to replace himself with some pansy work boys, that all quit in the end. He was a dumb ass if he thought I hadn't acknowledged that by now. And of that I found my worth. I pledged to myself I was gonna get over him. To feel nothing. As well as sever any games of workers he threw at me.

God, didn't that just fucking hurt.

Wrapping a towel around my hips I made a beeline for the kitchen, I plunged for the fridge for some scotch. Slamming a cup down, I popped the lip off.

"Your tattoo is beautiful."

My eyes widened in a second of panic as I whipped around to face Eren. I had forgotten he was still here I was so used to this apartment being empty. But there he was, standing while rubbing at his eye. The way his hair stuck out from one side in all directions and the other side was misled together, his cheek red and splotchy from sleeping on it; it all satisfied me more than I was willing to admit.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

I cleared my throat, sporting a look of distaste. "You didn't. I'm just not used to having guests who pass out on me and drool everywhere too often." I watched with satisfaction as he shifted with a stupid apology. He may not buckle but he is way too easy to fluster. Then the clumsiness turned into a look of utter defense.

"I do not drool." He said.

"Say that to my scrubbed clean arm, I had to go shower cause of it."

Now he _really_ had the audacity to look like someone ran over his puppy.

I spoke before he could further apologize, "Thanks."

His endearing eyes seemed puzzled. Damn those eyes.

"For what?"

I turned around again, for my scotch and to answer him by letting his eyes wonder my backside tattooed wings. I could feel his prying eyes, a small smile of approval twitched at my lips. I closed my eyes briefly sipping at the amber liquids, absorbing the sensations of being drunk in.

When a hand touched my shoulder blade.

My eyes peeled open at the contact. I stiffened under his fingerstips. I hadn't been touched so directly since... that night with Erwin. But his hands were so much more different.

They were.. Cool. Unlike Erwin's heated ones.

Eren traced the line of the right wing as if he was trying to memorize the pattern. He touched me as if it had potential. I couldn't suppress the shudder when his hand moved close to my waist, his now husky voice whispering,   
"Beautiful."

I stepped away from him before I lost all senses, turning to face him. "Are you hungry? I don't have much but I could try to come up with something."

Eren shifted on his feet again, saying no more about my inked skin. "I'm okay. Anyways, I should be doing my job. Is there anything you need me to do?"

I rubbed the base of my neck, nodding. "I have to finish the manuscript, then I'll send you up to the office to delivery them to my editor."

His eyes widened with interest. It was down right delerious how much he adored my series. I told Eren to go wait in my study while I got some decent clothes on. When I came back into his eye view, he sitting in the back, piddling through my books. Opening the laptop I began writing out my last pages.

I had been half way with the last page when a sharp intake of breath had me lifting my eyes back to Eren. His eyes met mine with a squinting like glare.

"What the heck is this?" He held up one of my boys love novels I wrote strictly on my free time. I couldn't keep the grimace spread across Eren's from making me chuckle. He looked like he was just caught reading his dad's porn.

"That's my other gift." I said supremely.

His shoulders tensed. "Seriously? This sounds like some dirty s and m between Smith and you." He was deadpan.

I groaned realizing which book it was then. "Listen, shitty brat it's completely one sided. Stop looking at me like that."

Eren set the book down, the curiosity was definitely there now. "One sided?"

I tousled a hand through my hair, pissed cause I let that slip. He was slowly treading around a sore subject I wasn't willing to discuss.

"Yes, one sided after Erwin. Now shut up this conversation is over." I crossed my arms over my chest, purposely making myself look standoffish.

Thankfully the look I gave Eren kept his mouth shut. He didn't say anything else. Just turned back in his chair, taking out his phone from his pocket.

I sighed, exasperated. Finally finishing up the script I turned back to Eren.

Standing I swooped over to him. His head was bounded in his arms. I nudged his shoulder.

"Kid, I'm done so if you could so graciously get your ass up and go I can find a place for dinner."

His head perked up. "Dinner?"

"Yeah, that thing people do at the end of the day to satistfy themselves. You know, besides having sex." Eren's cheeks colored with a faint red. I smiled sheepishly at him. "And so I can get to know my new employee better." I gave a small shrug trying to seem indifferent. But if I were to be honest, I wasn't ready for him to leave yet. I internally shook my head.

I just had an interest in the kid that's all. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Eren nodded. "Ah, okay. I need to stop by my place first. My.."He cut off, looking at the floor. "My sister is probably gone by now so I need to check up on mom." His voice wavered again.

I couldn't have stopped my hand even if I tried. I palmed my fingers through his hair, knowing my eyes showed the pity I was sure Eren must despise. But he leaned into my touch. My heart ached for this poor brat.

"Come on." I whispered, helping him up. Eren stayed silent, his eyes downcast. Then a phone rang. Eren fumbled to pick it up from the coffee table I kept in my study.

"Hello?" His voice cracked at the speaker. "No, no. I'm fine, Armin really. I'm with my author right now. Yeah. I was suspended for the week." He paused at who I presume to be Armin at the other end. "Mikasa is leaving." He whispered.

I moved out the room then. This Armin person would give Eren the comfort he needed.

I poured out some brewed tea when Eren padded back for me in the kitchen.

"Sorry." He said with a small wave of his hand. "Armin is always over reacting. Where's the papers?"

I gave a small shrug handing him the manuscript. "My editors room is on the third floor. Just slip them in the cart outside her door."

Eren nodded. "Okay, then head back here?" The hope in his voice almost made me smile.

I surpressed it though with a smirked, smugged. "Don't make me wait, brat." Eren nodded again, this time more enthusiastic.

"Be back later then." He was shuffling his shoes on now, like an excited toddler going on a field trip.

I walked him to the door, resting a hip on the doorframe. Eren turned around again, his chest inches from my own. My eyes wandered to his lips then to those emerald eyes.

I didn't think. I just did.

Grabbing that collar. Bringing his chapped lips to my own. Inhaling his scent. I pressed a butterfly kiss so quickly to his mouth then released him.

Eren stumbled back slightly, a breathless mess of a teenager. I felt the curve of the small smile.

"Don't make me wait."

He nodded for the upteenth time. "Bye.. Levi."

_Damn did that feel good._

I forever cursed myself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have fallen in love with the band Panic At The Disco.   
> But I love you guys more.


	6. Walls and Uncanny Sentiments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah, I had writers block when I wrote this one so bear with me.

"So your the newest recruit, huh?"

I looked up startled, midway to drop off the enveloped papers, Levi had given me, in his editor's cartbox. A woman who looked to be in her twenties with faked dyed gray hair had spoken up, an incredulous smile was spreading at her lips, obviously pleased with my reaction.

"U-uhm.. yeah?" I searched for words, unsure how she would respond. She nudged my side, a devilish smile plastered on her face.

"Surprise he hasn't sent you running for the hills yet." She said, amusement in her tone. "I'm Rico Brzenska by the way."

"Eren." I said. She held her hand out with an impatient look.

I handed the papers to her tentatively. She looked through them, pursing her lips. For some reason the woman had the ability to make me feel as if I was treading on thin ice about to break through at any given moment. Snapping the papers together, her pale blue eyes looked back to me.

"Tell him I'll have them sent to printers once I finish editing them." She instructed, resting a hip at her office door.

I nodded, turning to make my leave when a voice stopped me.

"Mr. Jaeger, how's it going?"

In unison, Rico and I glanced up to see the president making his way towards me, a charming smile on curtsey.

"Mr. Smith." I regarded him as kindly as I managed, suddenly remembering Levi has a thing for this guy.

And suddenly I felt the urge to shove him off.

"I'm great, thanks for asking." Rico spoke up, a hand now placed on her hip. By her posture I could tell she wasn't to fond of Smith. Not that I could blame her any. I was discovering how much I had come to dislike the older blonde as well.

Smith only chuckled. "Hello Rico." The strange woman blew her cheeks up letting her head fall back, swifting herself into her office clicking the door shut.

I shifted uncomfortably on the balls of my feet, more than ready to hit this joint. But this damn fake cheery guy was persistent.

"How was the first day?" Smith asked. We were still outside of Rico's office in the middle of the hall. Getting sideways glances from ongoing employes, I shrugged nonchalant.

As if anything about Levi was nonchalant. "It's good." _In fact it'd be great if you'd let me get back to_ _the shorty._

Erwin looked generally surprised at my answer. "Really?" If he was trying to suppress his shock, I'd be more than happy to oblige in telling him he's failed miserably.

This guy was weird. I rolled my shoulders back, forcing a smile nodding.

"That's... That's really good. Keep up the great work, Jaeger." He smiled again for the thousandth time. And something about that smile didn't sit right with me.

Nodding again, I finally slipped away from the president more than a little weirded out. I shrugged off the awkward encounter heading for the elevators riding down to the front desk.

When I was finally out onto the sidewalk I started for the bus stop. I had to get home to mom. To go back to the duties. Whether Mikasa be there or not. And really I was hoping she wasn't. I wasn't ready to face her. Not yet. I was still fairly pissed she had said she needed to abandon me, exactly like dad had. Riding back to Trost till I got there an unknown number popped up on the screen of my phone. My brows scrunched.

I answered on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Brat, what the hell is taking you so long?" Levi's irritated voice was at the other end of the line. I wasn't sure how he'd gotten my number but I really couldn't bring myself to care. Hearing his voice immediately relaxed my tense state.

"Oi? You there, brat?" Levi's voice was growing more impatient. I had to bite back a laugh.

"Yes I'm here." I paused. "Literally in both ways. I'm in the lobby. I need to check up on my mother and then I'll meet you?" I asked, desperately hoping not to sound to needy.

The silence at the end of the line made me sure the call had disconnected.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. My eyes widened slightly as I stood waiting at the elevator light. I hadn't ever thought Levi would want to know anything of that sorts. At least when it came to knowing more about me.

"Sure." My voice croaked out. I cleared my throat. "Sure." I tried again with more force.

"Stay in the lobby I'll meet you there." He hung up before I had a chance to answer him.

Not like it'd matter anyways. It was vaguely hard enough to pronounce any sort of coherent language around him. He gave demands left and right and I couldn't resist to disobey. Levi had a hold on me that I couldn't comprehend. While he thrilled me with his dominance I wasn't about to make assumptions more than he'd only taken an interest in me because I was sure I was just another toy that caught his attention.

And I couldn't completely shut down the idea of being played with.

I tugged lightly at the collar of my sweater. I dressed nicer for today, unsure if I had unconsciously wanted to impress Levi somehow. Then I remembered the kiss, no kisses we shared today. I touched my bottom lip as the memory of his lips against mine resurfaced.

Where any of this was going I was completely apprehensive of. Levi could make my body react in ways that intrigued me into submission. He was cold, he was obviously scarred, and whenever he wanted someone to shut up he'd give a look that could freeze hell over sending satan himself skating away. He's blunt and has a ridiculous crude sense of humor. But I found all those things even more engrossing.

I could, as of late, handle him without bursting a bit better. Levi was intimidating, his whole presence was little to impossible to ignore.Then there was also the occupant iences he was capable of. A talented by all get out author. And a very sensual stripper that could work a pole.

And, may I top it off, had the audacity to lap dance me into sporting bulge.

And then, the newest side that I'd seen so vaguely I had to remind myself when his lips had been on mine that he actually existed. This Levi was compassionate, to a sense. Because at sometime, some when, he had been hurt too.

And for whatever reason I felt a possessive urgency to shove my foot up whoever or whatever's ass that had hurt him so badly to have so many walls built up against the world. I wasn't sure how to go about him. It was obvious at what I wanted. But I had a kneen sense that Levi has been toying with me up until today. And who would take a 17 year old, not sure of his sexuality, seriously?

Not sure? I felt myself huff. Maybe he's my sexuality. I almost laughed at my ingrodese thoughts.

"Do you make it habit to space out, shitty brat?" Levi was waving a hand in front of my face snapping me out of my train of thought with a insensible look.

I'd gone from kid to shitty brat in the matter of two days. I wasn't sure if I was moving up the totem pole or not.

"Sorry." I looked at him sheepishly. His finger was pointing into my chest, our bodies inches apart. He looked between us, sighing a exasperated sigh.

"Are we gonna move our asses or not?" I wasn't exactly sure what he meant, in all honesty. Move our asses as in go up to my apartment or move our asses away from the closeness that was being shared between us?

I decided to go with the latter, more for my amusement and stalling. I really have no idea whether Mikasa is up there or not. And I wasn't really ready to find out.

"I don't know, I'm pretty comfortable like this."

Levi's steel eyes meet mine with a knowing smirk. I had just been bold. And he wanted to give something in return apparently. Rolling his jeaned hips, so slightled against mine causing a shaken friction right at my crotch. A gasp caught in my throat.

Levi only chuckled at my reaction. And somehow that just wasn't fair. Toying. He was merely toying.

"Let's go." I grumbled moving for the elevators, putting some any sort of distance between us.

Levi stepped into his usual corner, while I went to mine. I pressed for my floor. The silence that fell between us wasn't uncomfortable. I didn't feel like I was drowning in the need to spark up conversation. And may that be because in short time I've grown to accustom Levi, I'd learn he wasn't very talkative.

The happy chime rang out, getting off the elevator Levi followed after me to my apartment. I took in a breath staring at the door. I could feel Levi eying me.

Finally shoving through my uncertainty, I keyed the door cracking it open. Stepping inside I engulfed the living room.

Empty.

Levi followed behind me in my vain attempt to see if anyone was in the kitchen.

Empty too.

I sucked in a shaky breath. She was gone. Like she said she would. Left. Abandoned. If you would have told me my sister would be the second to leave me I would have to laid you out right then and there. But here I was standing in the kitchen in utter defeat. Because she was gone. And I had no idea if she was gonna come back.

And I couldn't stop the hatred burning in me now.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I stared down at Levi, my breaths coming out in uneven puffs. I took in his beauty. His chiseled jaw. His fine soft lined lips that could take my breath away. I was relaxing in his palm when he took it away.

"Better?" Levi's tone cut through me in the most callous way. But I was grateful for his hard tone.

I looked away, staring down at the handle of the refrigerator. "She's gone." I growled the words barely above a whisper. I wasn't even sure he had heard me until he shook his head in agreement.

Levi didn't say anything else. Just stood by my side. As if sensing I needed to get my head on straight.

I inhaled deeply again, exhaling through my nose. Levi's stare was still on me but I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. I started quietly for mom's bedroom, letting Levi decide if he wants to follow me or not. I clicked her door open, already heading for the mini refrigerator, snatching a pouch. Levi's figure at the doorframe caught the corner of my eye but I could only bring myself to do one thing at a time. And not having a mental breakdown because of my sister was one of them.

I slicked the hair of mom's forehead back feeling my faint smile tug on my lips. She had more color than usual today. I opened the IV bag, cleaning the materials with disinfectant wipes. Replacing the old bag of water with the new, went over from underneath the mattress where mom's bedpan was. I turned to Levi, a slight blush of embarrassment more for my mother than myself coloring my cheeks.

"Sorry.." I trailed off, sure he got the undermeaning.

However, Levi made no face of distaste or disgust. He simply nodded.

"Part of procedure isn't it." It wasn't a question. It was a statement that was beyond true.

Turning my attention back to the spread I removed it from underneath mom. As usual there was only urine. Mom didn't eat normally so it was rare whenever she actually pooped. Opening her bathroom door, I removed the wastes into the toilet, flushing the remains down. I cleaned off the pan, using the shower head to cleanse the tray. I padded quietly back to mom.

Levi was on the other side of her. Opposite from the IV, his eyes clouded over distant and fatigued. I stopped in my track at the sight of the expression he wore.

Remorse.

As if he was the reason mom in this bed. That was impossible of course but the emotions flashing in his eyes made everything seem so genuine that it hurt.

I placed the pan back in it's position. Going to Levi's side, I glanced at him again. His eyes were focused on mom's face.

"You take after her." He said finally, breaking the silence.

I couldn't tell if it was a compliment or not but I said it anyways. "Thank you."

He only nodded, his jaw tightening with the grimace still plastered on his face. Walking back to the IV, I made sure all her vitals were in check as a good measure. Then kissed her head, turning for the door. I expected Levi to follow after me but he stayed put, still eying my mother's motionless body.

I was halfway through the door step when I heard his soft footsteps.

"What does she have?" He asked.

Usually bluntness like that pissed me off but I didn't really expect less of Levi.

I opened my mouth to speak when the white strip of paper from underneath Mikasa's door stopped me. I turned her door knob so slowly as if it would break. Opening the empty room up finding a note with my name written in bold. I bent on my knees picking the paper up.

"Come on." Levi tugged on my elbow. "We can see what up shitty excuse she wrote over dinner." He was dragging me along down out the door, making me lock it. My mind was still reeling from the fact that Mikasa went to the actual effort to write me a letter.

Levi lead me out of Trost as if he was the guide I have always been in need of. And maybe he was. I clutched the paper in my hand with various effort to keep from ripping it apart.

Finding myself in the leather seat of his Chevrolet. Being drove to a cheap burger joint downtown, Levi practically hauled my ass inside. It was like I couldn't even think for myself. I was undergoing so many emotions and I just wanted them to stop. It was all too much to take in. So much in one single day. A day that felt like a year.

"Eren." Levi started. I couldn't shake the mirthful feeling in the pit of my stomach at hearing my name roll off his tongue so easily. My eyes met his and I felt my stresses melt away. The raw concern was there. No matter if he tried to mask it with annoyance. He hid under that mask and I understood that.

"I'm fine." I breathed. He eyed me speculatively, obviously unconvinced. A waitress came by our table taking our orders.

"A burger and fries for me." I wasn't that hungry so I went with something small and cheap. I searched my pocket for my wallet while Levi ordered a thing of fries and tea. I tugged through my other pocket. Still nothing.

"Shit.." My brows creased in frustration.

"What is it?" Levi's eyes were focused on me again. My cheeks heated up as I told him I didn't have my wallet on me.

"So?" He asked, amused.

"So I can't pay." I rolled my eyes, oblivious to the way his face screwed up in look that said, _seriously?_

"Kid, I shit cash. This is on the house. My treat." Levi folded his arms on his chest.

I sighed, pointless to argue when he closed up on a subject. There were other things waiting for me. I eyed the note. I wasn't ready to read it but I knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I just threw it away.

Noticing my gaze, Levi slide the paper closer to me, prompting. I inhaled for the upteenth time. Taking the paper in my hands. Unfolding the crisp edges with slow movements. I waited a beat then opened the paper, revealing the short paragraph that awaited me.

_Eren,_

_I'm sorry this is so sudden. I should be back in a few weeks. I will come back so don't worry. Please keep taking care of mom._

_I love you._

_M-_

I shoved the paper away with a trounced growel. Levi only gave a look at my childish parase. But I couldn't help it.

_Take care of mom?_

She was kidding right? As soon as she gets up and starts acting alive again she disappears and tells me to take care of mom?

Levi scooped up to crumpled paper, reading over the fine print. His monotone expression giving nothing away.

"Well, I can see to why your so shit pissed." Levi stated after a beat. Our food had just arrived and I was more than ready to shove food into my face. Levi held the rim of the cup sipping it with his hand over the cup. My brows furrowed at that but I made no comment. Shovelling fries into my mouth I grumbled out, "Yeah."

He only nodded, taking sips of his tea as we finished our cheap meal in silence. My mind kept wondering at the guilt in Mikasa's eyes when I last saw her.

If that was really the last time I'll ever see her again.

I shook my head. It was dark out now. Following Levi out of the restaurant, he turned to me.

"Want to go some place with me?" He asked, his steel blue eyes searched my face.

I stood there silent for a second. Was he not ready? For me to go home?

"Get that triumphant look off your face, Jaeger." Levi spat the words with no venom behind them. "I meant it as a place to go look at the stars and clear that shitty mind of yours." His defense was up again but that was okay.

I had saw through a crack, a peep through the wall he builds over and over.

And I couldn't find a reason to say no.

"Sure." I smiled following him to the Chevrolet.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My babies are so cute. I apologize for their, slow, slow build. 
> 
> Btw, Mikasa might have you guys a bit on the pissed off side but I have yet to show you her true colors. 
> 
> P.S. I thought using Rico as Levi's editor would spice things up a bit cause she is usually the more calmer of characters xD


	7. What happens once will happen twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally getting somewhere with these two  
> :3

"So you never told me what she has."

Levi was inclined towards me. Both of us resting on the hood of his car. He'd really taken me to see the stars. I didn't know this part of New York even existed. Out in the outskirts of the city limits was a huge field spreading miles wide. And the view of constellations felt so surreal. Like I was seeing the millions of beautiful stars from someone else's eyes. I prompted myself on my elbows.

"She was diagnosed with severe Leukemia about 10 months ago." I paused, deciding to start from the beginning. "She used to be so healthy when I was younger. You wouldn't ever recognize her then. Then when I turned ten, Mikasa had just turned eleven," I had thrown her name out but it didn't send a foul taste in my mouth as I thought it would. "She became anemic, like a walking zombie. Mom's face became sunken in and even with all the doctor appointments, check ups, CAT scans, everything you could think of, doctor after doctor threw it as a lack of initial sleep. It was like that for almost seven years.

"When we finally visited the latest physician in Trost, he did something the rest had failed to do. Something so simple that I was ready to sue all the previous 'doctors' before. He checked another of her blood vessels -a vessel that identifies the white ones to prove cancer has corrupted a body- that gave initial requirements to the blood stream that pumps through the heart. After being put on medications, she was put into bed rest. While then she was still conscious during the days. Then one day, she got up on her own to get her medications, she collapsed. Right there in the kitchen in our old apartment in Shiganshina, she fell to her side before my eyes. All in that moment it as if my heart had stopped. Time stopped. Because my mother -my beautiful, hardworking, devoted mother- had collapsed and would have died right then and there if Armin hadn't screamed me into action. Rushing her to the hospital, staying over night. It was so terrifying because I didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to feel outside in that horribly white waiting room. And when that doctor came to me and Mikasa after 12, heart stopping hours, just to tell us she only has 11 months to live. "

I laughed then. A dry humorless laugh.

"It's bullshit. Why should she.." I trailed off. The lump had formed in my throat again. The lump that always found it's way in when it came to talking about my mom. "What the _fuck_ did she do to deserve such an oblivion?"

A sharp intake of breath brought my glistened eyes to Levi's. Scrutinizing his usual cool exterior. Levi's shoulders were tensed up. Opening his mouth then shutting it, the pity was there of course. But something else was too. Something distant and cold shown through his usual façade melting into the man who had kissed me so tenderly. The wind picked up then, bristling the thickness of tendrils into my eyes. A warm hand pressed into my skin then, smoothing the hair back with the base of his palm. Levi's hips met mine. His smaller body pressed into my in the most wanted quinines of warmth, forcing the small of my back down on the hood of the car.

"It is bullshit." Levi's breath was warm on my lips. "It's cruel. It's fucking unfair."

I held onto his wrist then, my slender fingers wrapping around his pale flesh still entangled in my strands of hair. Bowing my forehead to his, I took in the little affection he gave me of this moment. I barely knew this man, yet I seeked his attention, his affection.

"My mother passed when I was eight. She died of Ovarian Cancer."

"What?"

My eyes snapped to his, searching, questioning. But I couldn't see anything, Levi held his eyes downcast.

"I hadn't really understood why she was in that hospital bed. I hadn't understood that whens she was gone she was gone. Not till my father told me to forgot her. And burned away her memories." Levi was trembling then, the strong willed, blunt, beautiful man was breaking in. Showing things held close to his heart.

Revealing.

Sucking in a breath, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders brining his head to my chest.

"What the hell are you doing, brat?"

"Holding you." I answered simply.

"It's fine. I've been over it." Levi paused, mulling over his next words. "I understand your pain, Eren."  
No one had understood. Not even Armin, who had lost his parents when he was barely an infant. But here stood someone who did understand. Who truly, really understood the agony of watching the inevitable.

I tightened my grip on his shoulders, burying my face in the crook of his neck. Levi's arms looped to snatch and scratch at my back, gripping my shirt with raw muscles.

We stood there under the stars, holding onto each other in the dead of night. Listening to the cool breeze until goose bumps erupted on my skin.

I must have been trembling with shivers when Levi suggested we leave. I obliged ready to start up the car for heat.

When we reached the Trost complex, I sighed through my nose. Levi was officially someone I needed more than an a superior, more than an acquaintance.

More than a friend.

And I was willing to fight my way into his closed off heart. 

(x)

"So no news of Mikasa?" Armin breezed into my last class of the day, forcing me to meet his eyes. I had stayed after hours, finishing up on a final exam for the quarter. Armin stayed after. Waiting patiently for me.

"You sure Smith won't be mad at you for coming in late?"

I knew it was a low blow, considering Armin has practically been begging for answers about Mikasa. She was his sister as much as she was mine and I knew her real exact of absence of no indication where she might be hurt him.

It hurt me.

Armin shifted on his feet as I stood stretching my arms up. He scrunch his eyebrows together, seemingly annoyed at my comment. "It's fine, Eren."

I hated to do it but I'd know he'd tried to steer the conversation back to the person I truly disliked the most right now.

"How are you and Jean?" They'd been together for a month now. It was utterly gut wrenching to see the horse's arm around Armin's waist. But for whatever god forbidding reason Armin wanted him.

Armin's supposed glare could but kill a few tiny ants.

"We had hard, hot, nasty butt sex. I moaned so loud he came right then and there."

I spat nonexistent spit all over myself. Because he said that with a completely _straight_ face. A glaring face, yeah but still straight. Almost made me think the butt sex was the reason he was so displeased.

"Armin.."

"You had that one coming. Stop dodging my questions. It's been a week now, Eren. Tell me what happened."

In all honesty, I was dying to confide in Armin. But I knew it'd lead into Levi.

Over the past week, it's been so mutual. He gave orders. I followed. I'd been running around like a turkey with no head, meeting his authorly demands. And while he promised me as soon as the first copy of _Truth or Lies?_   came out, he'd give it to me but that was all the warmth I had received.

It was mentally exhausting to try to figure out what he was thinking. Because he'd built that wall up again. He opened up on the cold night under the stars only to shut me out again. I hadn't even touched him since that night. And I found myself craving his lips. His unusually warm hands. But I knew I'd have to keep hammering at those walls. Cause this was more than a infraction.

He deserved more than half-assed feelings.

"Eren."

Armin's tender tone pulled me out of my thoughts. Absorbing my eyes to his. He strode to me then, stopping to point up into my face.

"She's mine as much as she is yours."

I sighed. "I know."

"So."

"So, she left okay, Armin? She left and only wrote a fucking tiny note in her absence. Saying she'd be back in weeks. Why she left, I have no clue. Is she coming back? I honestly don't know. "I breathed through my nose, considering vaguely of my tendencies to sound too harsh but Armin only nodded.

"You heard those rumors right?"

I simply nodded. It was the reason I had so much stupid make-up work now.

Armin ran a hand through his hair, looking out the window.

"I'm sorry." He said after a beat.

"Why?" My brows shot up so fast, I was surprised they didn't fly off my face.

"For not being there."

I shook my head, going to him to fold him into my arms. I knew I'd get shit from Jean is he saw us, but he was a hot headed jealous prick that didn't understand our friendship.

It just has been something after something. Mom. Mikasa. I didn't know how to answer Armin. And I knew he'd given me the space I knew I needed. But he hated me shutting down completely.

And honestly I'd be so lost without him, so it was really shitty of me to defy him answers he deserved.

"You couldn't have known. I shut out the world this week. Besides, Levi. I sort of work for him so there's not getting around that." Armin nodded again into my chest, then stepped away.

"How's that coming along?" He asked, curiosity of a cat.

I leaned on the desk behind me, scratching at the back of my head. "It's good. He's kind of bossy but it's okay."

 _Kind of?_ I could see Levi's scoff at that.

Armin snickered. "Yeah, Erwin said that he usually has part time assistances flying out the window. And his editor is beyond stubborn."

I nodded at that with a bit more enthusiasm than I meant. Rico was _strange_.

The teacher came in then, glancing at me and Armin then returned to her desk.

Armin clapped his hands together, seeming pretty satisfied. "We should go."

I nodded, walking after him out of the class room.

(x)

"Got any plans on this glorious Friday night, brat?" Levi emphasized the word 'glorious'. We were up in his study, him clanking away at his keyboard with the occasional sips of tea.

I rested my head on my forearms, twisting to the back on my usual chair to stare at him.

To stare till he met my eyes.

It pissed him off.

"I'm _looking._ " He said when his eyes met mine. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from grinning like a fool.

"I might." I so didn't.

Levi crossed his arms with a knowing smirk. It was an oddly comfortable atmosphere considering all the walls he had now.

"Cancel them."

I cocked my head. "Why?" I challenged.

Something shimmered in those usual cold steel blue eyes. "Fucking cancel, brat. I want your company tonight."  
I tried not to let the butterflies flutter in my stomach.

_He wanted my company._

"Okay." I looked to the time. It was a quarter past eight. The sky was already darkened.

A sudden ringing filled the room. It was Levi's cell. Pushing it up to his ear he snapped into the phone.

"Who is it?" A pause. "Your kidding, right? No. I refuse you. What? Tch... shitty glasses. Fine. An hour and not a second more."

Levi hung up then. I angled my head to look at him through my lashes.

"Who was that?"

Levi had already been shuffling out of the room. "Hrm? Oh. It's fucking Hanji. She bought Chinese and some.." Levi trailed off to look at my with the brilliant grin of his flashing my eyes. "Some not so minor drinks."

"Why do I get the distinct feeling your calling me a buzz kill?" I asked.

He answered with, "you _are a buzz kill."_

I decided not to argue with that.

I followed him out, clicking the door after me. Padding to the living room, Levi told me to go set of plates while he went to the door.

I searched the cabinets, unsure where he kept his plates. When I found the targets, I spread them on the table in front of three chairs. Levi came into view then, followed by a bouncing Hanji. When her eyes settled on me she pounced me.

Literally pounced. "Baby gay!"

Levi chuckled at that. Fuck, I forgot Hanji's absurd pet names.

"H-hi Hanji." I wheezed out when I could breathe again. She set me upright again, turning to Levi behind the marble bar.

"Why didn't you tell me you had company?" She sneered with a knowing smile spreading wide.

When my eyes finally focused on the woman behind with her hair pulled in a pony tail, stood with two brown bags in her arms. I recognized her from somewhere.

"You must be Levi's assistant." The woman smiled, settling the bags on the smoothed wood table.

I nodded. That's right she is another one of the authors. Krista got her.

What was her name again?

It made sense that she was familiar with Levi. Though I couldn't understand how she knew Hanji. Not paying much thought to that, I went for another plate. Levi was settling cups down.

"I'm Petra by the way." The woman said as she opened the bags. Right, that was her name.

I smiled politely. "Eren." I said.

"I know." She laughed lightly. "I've actually heard a lot about you from Levi. Says he hasn't liked a work boy like you since... well never." Petra lifted her eyes with sly a smile pulling her lips.

Levi slammed the last cup down. I looked down to him. I was genuinely surprised he talked about me at all.

His jaw tensed with the grind of his teeth. I poked his side teasingly.

"Oh, really?"

Levi's glare didn't even make me flinch. "Don't sound so fucking full of yourself, brat."

I hummed saying nothing more. Hanji and Petra eyed him again but let it slide. We all ate in silence as Levi poured out the drinks. I tired the keep the knee jerking at bay, the liquids were putrid as usual. If I complained now, Levi would be proven me right as a 'buzz kill'.

Luckily, he had let me go tend to mom before I came here tonight so I didn't have much to worry about. All her vital signs had been relatively fine. And I was thankful for that.

Disposing of all our contents, Levi moved us over to the living room. Hanji made a beeline for the fridge in a frantic sprawl.

"Aha!" She sang triumphantly.

Levi didn't even stop her as she held up the big brass bottle of alcohol. He tipped up to get shot glasses from the cabinets, falling after Hanji to join me and Petra in on the couches.

Levi sat next to me on the charcoal loveseat a bit too close for comfort. Settling the shot glasses on the table pouring the drinks of four, sliding two to the females.

Levi shot it down without second thought. The rest of us followed pursuit. The liquid burning nothingness down my throat but this one had a calmness settling over me.

Hanji sat up, nearly knocking over Petra.

"Let's play truth or dare with shots!"

Levi shook is head, slowly with resistance.

"No." He slurred.

"Come on, sour puss." She whined. Petra set a hand to her shoulder. Hanji looked back to the smaller female. Their exchange had Hanji settling back down.

I hadn't had the time to dwell on the sort of relations they have when Levi poured me another drink.

Yawning, Petra hauled Hanji up. "We better go. Got club activities."

Hanji's sudden killer grin had her tumbling for the doors.

Levi only nodded knowingly.

"It was nice talking to you, Eren." Petra set me with a smile, her cheeks were a faint pink from our previous beverages.

I smiled a small wave watching her retreating form with cloudy vision.

There was that faint buzz that I could feel in my eyes now. After the girls exited, Levi tumbled onto my chest with slurred incoherent speech. My muscles felt like squish as I tried to hold his head up to my eye level.

"Lets.. get drunk." Levi finally managed. He was already on his forth shot.

And I couldn't bring myself to argue with that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi is so stubborn it drives me crazy.  
> Let me know what you guys think!  
> Much love<3


	8. What happens twice will happen thrice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HO! HO! HO! I have a gift for you all from me to you. Anyone wants to guess? Haha I'll just tell you anyways. 
> 
> Smut! I have brought beautiful, tough to write smut. And that is also your warning if you aren't into smut. 
> 
> This is actually on time and I'm pretty proud of myself. Tell me what you guys think of it. XD smut can be difficult so I am curious as to what you guys think of it. And without a further of do..  
> Enjoy~

"Oi, off with the jacket now, Jaeger."

Levi was looking overly subtle on the loveseat, going for another shot of his drink. And while it was tempting to be a brat and regard him with throwing a fit, unfortunately _I_ had agreed to _his_ terms of the little game.

Really. A game of strip chess.

Levi suggested the game after the girls had left. I had simply nodded, not sure what kind of game he meant. I suppose he has a kink for stripping and every wrong move I try against his highness meant one less article of clothing for me.

As it was for me though, quite just a giggle fest of a game. My mind was far too gone to care what he might think of my nakedness when he won. Cause it was obvious that he had every intent to. I heaved a sigh through my nose, ridding of the jacket.

Then I focused back to the table in front of me. I was sitting on the floor now while Levi was perched on the couch, swigging down another shot. It amazed me how much alcohol he could manage at an amount of time.

I eyed my local pawn I could use on one of his knights into his territory. An incredulous smile twitched at my lips, my hand reaching out for the piece. Levi cocked his head at me but I was to focused on making a show of knocking his knight to the side.

"You dirty little shit." Levi spoke, his arms already moving to pull his shirt over his head.

I silently raged a tempter tantrum. He took his shirt off first to fuck with me. And damn him, it was working. His creamy skin was pale and right there in front of me bare and broad.

"I feel like I should be charging a peep show." Levi said.

I rolled my eyes. "You were the one who offered a game of stripping chess."

"Touche." Levi sits back, a knowing smirk tugging at those stupid perfect lips.

He settled for knight for a knight, picking up the piece to throw over his shoulder. I let out a chuckle earning an eye of specutivity. I stood to kick off my socks.

Levi looked bored with my choice of removal but if he wanted to screw with me I'd at least attempt to screw with him. Whether he wanted me or not was still unassured yet but I made it a personal goal to find out what exactly he wanted from me.

Eventually.

I was to caught up in the haze of alcohol to give two flying shits. But I was determined to have him give me a show. I knocked a pawn that was rather close to the queen.

Levi didn't falter. Tugging his belt free of his jeans only to sag them to the ground kicking them away. He stood, boxer briefs the only thing keeping me away from seeing that glorious body.

I shooed away all thoughts of pouncing him, while Levi knocked my king.

My king.

What?

My eyes bulged out of their sockets, my mouth moving but no words made past my lips.

And there he was with that little pawn that I hadn't noticed. Smug and victorious.

"Checkmate." Levi breathed, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked so fucking triumphant while I stared at the game piece with utter disbelief.

"My reward is your clothes, brat. Off with them." He ordered.

My shoulders sagged, but I stood with official sober resistance. I relentlessly reached for the button of my top, popping each with an ease I hadn't felt earlier. The sleeves pulled off my shoulders, I reached for the hem of my under shirt tugging it over my head. Dropping the materials to the floor, I reached for my jeans, snapping the clasp. Letting them sink to the carpet I kicked out of them.

Standing exposed and more than a little breathless I finally met Levi's eyes. Something I had refused to do while I stripped myself of mortality.

Literally.

I _expected_ him to be smug. I _expected_ him to smirk. I _expected_ him to give some comment about how I should probably tone my arms or some shit.

I _hadn't_ expected him to look at me with such an intensity that sent my heart a new pace of hammering in my chest. His eyes kept ranking over my chest to my thighs then back to my face, and I swear to God, he bit his lip.

My breathing was intensifying with each passing second. I was sure he was going to tell me to put my clothes back on, but those steel blue eyes were devouring me with their stare. And for the first time in my life, I felt like I was wanted.

"Come to me." Levi said, arousal scorching his husky tone.

I stared back at him unblinking.

He didn't have to tell me twice.

Maybe it was the alcohol that was driving us. Maybe it was the tensions that had been between us all week.

But.

As soon I was within reach he wrapped an arm around my waist, shoving me beneath him into the couch. His stare inflamed my cheeks with a burn. Lust coursed through my body as he pressed his chest to mine.

"Tell me to stop." He breathed down at me.

"W-what?" I asked hoarse. Why the hell would I want to stop?

"I want to give you that choice."

A stared at him for the longest moment, processing what he just said.

I laughed like that was the funniest thing in the world.

"Choice? I've been thinking all week you're pissed at me because you felt forced to share some side of your past out of pity. I've been thinking there's no way you could ever want me. And now you're here on top of me saying I have a choice so tomorrow you can ignore than your almost naked body even touched me? I've been trying so hard not to ask, but I wan-"

His lips cut me off and I lost any thought of defiance. They were warm, soft and plump. Moving in sync I kissed Levi back with intense need to taste him.

But he was always forever a fucking tease.

Levi chuckled as I groaned when he broke away.

"Don't ever assume anything about me first off." He started, "I don't let people in because of pity and you'll learn that, brat."

Then he looked away from me as he said, "I wasn't sure you were wanting anything from me. With your mom and all. That's a lot of shit. And I'm not saying that I want to hop into a relationship either. Just I.."

I brought my lips to his again.

"Anything you give me at the moment, I'm fine with." I said.

And it was true. He surprised me. Revealing that he'd been feeling the pull between us. And neither of us wanted to be the first to give in.

Levi looked at me for a moment, seeming he had more to say. But thought against it as he kissed my lips again.

But of course he had to go and say, "there won't be going all the way. I want to be completely sober when I take your ass."

And as I was about to protest he stuck his tongue down my throat. Electricity jolted through me then. I groaned beneath him, my tongue wrestling his for dominance. After a few good push and shoves I gave in, letting him explore my mouth. He tongued the roof of my mouth, giving a few prodding caresses to the heat inside my lips. I shuddered.

My hands began to roam his backside, scratching at his shoulder blades. Levi came up for air, both of us heaving in breaths. He set butterfly kisses to the side of my mouth, down to my jawline then found the sensitive spot at my neck.

Lips latched onto the underline of my pulse at my neck, Levi began to suck and kiss the area over and over. I angled my head to give him more accesses. When the assault was over, Levi sat back to eye his handiwork. He gave a brush of his fingers over the bruising spot before kissing my collarbone.

I had slid my hands to his waist by then, feeling the muscles of his sides ripple under my fingertips. Levi's tongue was still working open mouthed kisses on my collarbone when he felt his hand up my abdomen right to my left nipple.

I had always believed the touching and sucking of nipples were more for females. I would have never guessed how sensitive the things could be.

With one tweak of the tip, Levi pushed his fore thumb into my nipple. I gasped at the unfamiliar feeling. Levi's lips had been moving down south toward the hand the pinched and squeezed the sensitive bud.

When his tongue made contact with the rosy bud I arched back into his mouth, my lips open in a silent cry. He prodded it with the heat of his tongue sucking and slurping it into his mouth. I let out a whimpered when he broke away to start the same torture to the other.

It wasn't until he palmed my erection had I realized how painfully hard I was. I bucked into his moving palm like a live wire. He disconnect his lips from my nipple to look at me as he stretched himself between my legs like a cat with no intent of moving anytime soon.

The knowing smirk was there. But his eyes hooded with a lust I felt as he tugged at my boxers.

"I-it's my first time.." I whispered right before he had them off completely.

Levi glanced back at me with a amused look. "Obviously."

I groaned, covering my eyes over with my forearm. Levi's fingers brought it down.

"Watch."

I swooned at him. "Is that another one of your weird kinks? People watching as you suck their dick?"

Levi had the audacity to chuckle. "Yea, I guess so."

My eyes widen as he gave another tug to my boxers, my swollen member springing free to curl up against my belly. Levi tossed the shorts over his shoulder focusing on my achingness.

"You're so damn hard it looks like it hurts." I felt Levi's breath at my tip.

I groaned turning my head to glare at the vodka bottle. "Shut up."

"Make me." he said.

"Ugh, just stop talki- ah!" I hissed through my teeth at the sharp lick given to my cock.

He didn't say anything else, licking down the base of my erection.

"L-Levi.." I gasped, slipping my fingers into his soft strands of hair.

He took me whole then, swirling his tongue around the head, his hands squeezing my inner thighs. My hips sprung to life then. I was fighting the urges to buck up into his mouth.

To fuck his mouth.

Levi bobbed his head back, his cheeks hollowing as he gave a sharp suck. I had lost any dignity as the incoherent sounds spilled from my lips. Levi broke away with a breath, only to nip at my balls. I squeaked a moan, I arched myself off the couch before setting down as he began to pump me.

"Ah.. fuck. L-Levi." I moaned.

"That's right, say my name." He grinned, fucking grinned, still casually pumping my cock.

Fuck, I wasn't going to last much longer. As if sensing my thoughts, Levi tipped his head to flick a sliver of a lick at my slit.

"F-fuck!" I practically screamed, feeling the jerking of contracting muscles in my navel.

"Come, Eren." He whispered around me.

And that was my undoing.

I released so hard, trembling, and twitching violently on the softened couch.

I was panting, trying to catch my breath. Levi scooped my heaving self into his arms as if I was weightless. He was taking me back towards his bedroom I had yet to be in. Opening the door, my breathes still uneven and shaky.

Levi settled my body on a dark comforter. The room was massive with a four poster bedding. It was lined with dark silk linnings, a dark raven chester chores across the room and and complex that had to lead into his bathroom.

I hadn't had much else to observe anything else till I was being shoved under the covers.

"Rest." Levi instructed.

He turned, still in his briefs, towards what I presumed to be the bathrooms. It was until I heard the running of water that I was sure that he was showering. I tried to wait for him. I really did.

But before I knew it, I was giving into the darkness of my vision, passing out with complete contentedness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who has already read this on wattpad, I want you to know that I am still Mizzy_yolo from wattpad, That I did not copy and paste.  
> To be frank anyone who steals the work of other is just wrong. 
> 
> That's all  
> Much love babies  
> This is the last update until I make my next chapter<3


	9. Crashing up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me forever. I apologize. I hope everyone had a great holiday whoever celebrates it!  
> Now, this chapter really got to me, even teared up a bit writing this. It's a big roller coaster of emotional, basically. So buckle your seatbelts.  
> The boys also get down to business and talk something's out. Round of applause, FINALLY.  
> I love this story and I appreciate all the kudos given to me, I know small time authors can't ask for much so thank you!

I woke up to the smell of coffee in the air in an unfamiliar bed. I worked myself in a sitting position, realizing I was the only one in the bed. It took me a moment to remember where I was.

What happened.

With a groan, I put my head in my hands.

How the hell was I supposed to face him?

He technically gave me first kiss, hand job, and sucked my dick.

Oh my god. I couldn't. I cannot face him.

But Levi had different plans.

Coming through the open door to his bedroom, he gave me one perfectly raised brow before tugging the covers off of my body. And I realized with even more mortification as the cold hit my body, I was stark naked. My eyes searched for my clothes.

Reading my thoughts, it unsettled me to no end, "your clothes are in the wash, kid." Levi said.

Dressed in a pair of comfy as fuck looking sweats and a black tee, it had to be the most casual I'd seen Levi. Scooping the cover up into his arms, he threw some pants at me.

"Your clothes won't be done before breakfast, so put these on your ass." He said, walking back out.

My eyes definitely stayed on his ass for more than a few seconds, appreciating it's roundness.

My vision darted down to the black silk bottoms he expected me to fit into.

Did he really think these would fit?

But at this point I couldn't bring myself to care anymore. Shrugging my legs into the pant holes, the thing shaped by ass in all the _wrong_ places. I walked stiffly to the kitchen, watching as Levi worked some eggs on the stove.

"Need help?" I decided as the safest topic to start with.

Levi gave me an irritated scowl. "I can handle eggs, kid."

I suppressed my eye roll. "Sorry I asked."

He turned his back from me.

This was bad. This wasn't how I was hoping it would go.

How _was_ I supposed to act, or say? I didn't want to leave here with unfinished words. I couldn't read his mood. Maybe this was his way of saying to leave things as is.

Settling in a chair of the kitchen table, I rested my head in the palm of my head. Levi came over with eggs and a piece of toast on a plate. Setting it down in front of me he went back for his plate. He came to the table taking a seat next to me.

I hadn't touched my food yet, earning me another glare.

"It's not poisoned."

I raised a brow. "I didn't say it was."

Levi chuckled and my heart fluttered at the noise.

Maybe this wasn't a hopeless mess.

"I wouldn't poison you, Eren. If I wanted to kill you I'd be more direct about."

His crooked smile would have thrilled me if it weren't the words that clammered out of his mouth.

I didn't stop the roll of my eyes this time. "Least I know where I stand." I say before popping some eggs into my mouth. They were surprisingly warm and fluffy. I went for a second forkful.

"Oh please." Levi shook his head at me with the sides of his lips twitching before he was shoveling some egg into his mouth.

I decided that the mood was set to ask. To get a feel for where I stood, really and truly.

"So..."

Levi looked at me then, raising a brow for me to continue. Letting me know I had his attention.

I set my fork down, trying to mull of my words. "I don't know how to word this really. I know you're not the type to jump into a relationship. Just, I feel like-" I stopped, a frustrated grunt forged in my throat.

Why was this so hard to word? Was it because it was him? Was it because it was Levi?

I took a breath. "I feel this _pull_ towards you. As if I've always known you. Levi, you're so complex. And I like that. I like that a lot. Most people are simply and yet just a few exchange of words with you and it was like. Ugh, I don't know. I have no fucking clue what I'm trying to say right now. All I know it that, if you would even give me the time of day, I want to try something here. I don't want to be just physical." I sighed, sure I'd lost him when I became sappy.

But it was true. Every mishap jumble of words.

I'd known him a week, and yet when Mikasa and mom weren't occupying my mind it was him.

I finally let my eyes meet Levi's. His eyes held mine and I could feel myself slipping into those endless steel blue orbs.

He sighed after what felt to be an eternity. "You're too good for me, Eren. Your kinda fucking perfect."

While the sentiment sent my heart racing a new pace, I couldn't help the small laugh flow out of my lips.

"I'm the farthest thing from perfect, Levi. I assure you of that. Plus, I don't think it's up to you to decide whether you're good for me or not." I said, scooting back in my seat.

Sure, he was like a drug that I kept coming back for, but it was a different type of intoxication. One I wasn't willing to trying to quit.

"Don't sound so mature, kid." Levi said with another roll of his eyes. He set his fork down, rolling his shoulders back.

"I'd make a shitty boyfriend." He said.

The nerves at the back of my neck melted and the butterflies filled my stomach.

"And I'm not good at words, kid. There is going to be bad days. I've been through shit, and I have a tendency to self loathe. And I know you're going through shit too. But I believe you'll always have the ability to move on, Eren. For me, I need some sort of closure. I haven't had closure for any of my demons." Levi went on.

"Do you want me?" I asked, finally trudging through the remnants of his strings. I knew there will be bad days, I knew he wasn't very talkative. But that didn't mean I couldn't try. I had my share of unpleasant qualities but, for each of my flaws it can be made up for one of Levi's.

"Are you really that full of yourself, kid?" Levi arched a brow.

I shook my head, sighing. Gathering my thoughts, I looked into his eyes, determined. "Do you want me as much as I want you."

It wasn't a question. Not really.

"Depends on how much we're talking." Levi murmured, moving so fast I didn't even see him get up.

He pushed my chair back, splaying his fingers over my bare chest. Lips brushed my ear.

"Are we talking on how much your cock wants me? Because I have a pretty vague idea of the amount." His lips breathed down my ear. I couldn't suppress my shudder.

I placed my hands on his shoulders, fighting his seduction with what little restraint I had.

"I'm serious." I finally managed. Levi was still bent towards me.

And his answer was a brush of lips against mine.

There goes my resolve.

I grasped his wrists, nipping his bottom lip. Levi lets out a moan and I take full advantage of the crease of his lips, parting those sweet lips with heat of my tongue. He tastes of egg and coffee. As I went to snake my arm around his waist, he bit down on my lower lip, hard. I yelped while he pushed off me settling back into his seat.

I touched my lip, feeling the metallic taste engulf my tastebuds. His chuckle brought my attention back to him away from my aching lip.

"Don't look so distraught, kid. I want to finish my breakfast and you have fucking morning breath." He says with a look of distaste.

I roll my eyes, finishing my food with a newfound ego boost. As far as I was concerned, Levi was more than just my boss. I smiled around my fork.

We finished up in peaceful silence. Handing Levi my plate, I went to his dryer, picking through for my clothes. After finding the garments I ask Levi if I could use his shower.

"Yeah, knock yourself out. Just don't waste my soap." He said from where he was washing up the dishes.

"What would happen if I did?" I asked, a sly smile crossing my face.

Levi looked unamused. "Do it and you'll find out brat."

As tempting as that was, I didn't have the time I wanted to fool around with him.

"Alright, alright." I turned towards his room, starting up for the shower.

I'd have to be in and out. Mom needed to be taken care and I'm sure Armin's been freaking the fuck out.

After a quick wash, I found Levi on the couch with his laptop on his lap, typing away as he sipped at some tea.

"I gotta go. Mom needs a change of water and I'm sure Armin's wondering where the hell I've been." I said, reaching for my cell from the coffee table by the couch.

Levi looked up from the screen, nodding. "Okay, call me later then, brat."

I allowed myself a smirk. "Gonna miss me?" I asked.

"Hardly." Levi said sliding his glasses on. I had to admit he looked incredibly hot in glasses. But I was probably biased at this point.

I slung my bag over my shoulder, strolling to where he sat. I pecked his cheek swiftly. Levi titled his head back to narrow his eyes at me.

"You call that a kiss?"

I cupped his cheek then, kissing him in the way spider man kissed his girlfriend. But he was so much better than any spider man.

"I'll call you later, okay?" I said walking towards the door.

"Already established this, kid." Levi said.

I shrugged, clicking the door behind me. I went to the elevator, prodding the down sign.

I couldn't suppress the triumphant smile that overtook my face.

______________________

The beeping I heard as soon as I clicked the door off our apartment sent me flying to my mother's room.

No. Please, god no. Not yet.

But I wasn't greeted to a lifeless body. No, what faced me was my mother slowly fiddling with the monitor by her bedstand. She must have set the alarm off by accident.

She hadn't noticed me yet, and I couldn't move. I stood there gawking at her moving fingers, the concentration of her brows as she reached for the off switch of the monitor. Finally managing the switch, leaving us in a silence interrupted by my ragged breathes finally had her neck snapping to me.

The warm smile that she wore melted my heart. "Eren, dear." She whispered, her voice cracked and dry.

But it was her voice.

I went to her side, my finger clasping her still cold hand. "Mom." I breathed.

Her free hand cupped my cheek and I felt myself leaning into her touch. I closed my eyes at the sensations of her palm at my cheek, listening to the beat of her heart through her hand. Trying to convince myself she was really awake. But I could feel my heart squeezing with pains that I knew all too well.

Was this the farewell I'd been praying for?

"Where's Mikasa?" She broke the silence in my head. She looked at the door longingly.

My lips trembled. I opened my mouth to lie, to say she was asleep. But I couldn't. I didn't want these to be the last moments with my mother and if they were they sure as hell weren't going to be lies.

"She's gone." My shaky voice broke and I cursed myself.

But mom didn't look shocked. She didn't looked worried. In fact she looked relieved.

"I hope she's doing well." Mom said.

And I knew. Mom wanted Mikasa to move on. She didn't want to be a burden. The way her eyes met mine confirmed it. She opened her mouth with her tranquilities but I wasn't going to have it.

"Don't tell me to move on now, mom. Because I can't. I can't till this awful disease takes the rest of you away from me. I can't until t-then." I hiccuped the tears running down my face. My body trembled with the sobs raking my body.

Mom brought my head to her lap, her forehead resting on the back of my head.

"I'm so sorry, Eren." She murmured into my hair. She stroked her fingers down my back, the same way she had when I was a kid. I shook in her lap, my world crumbling.

"Why?" The broken sob escaped my lips. "Why?" I repeated, the anguish scorching my heart. "It's not fair."

She nodded against my head and I knew any words were useless. Nothing could ease the pain of watching her die. She slowly sat back, her eyelids hooded. Mom was being pulled back under again.

"I love you, Eren. I want you to find something that makes living this life worth it. I want you to continue to smile. I never wanted this, never wanted you to deal with this, baby boy, I'm so proud of you." She said, resting back into her pillows.

I nodded, the tears had dried. I kissed her forehead, holding that cold hand. "I love you, mom."

She smiled weakly before falling back into her slumber.

And I couldn't help but think those were the last words I'd ever speak with my mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know a cancer patient waking up when they have a limited amount of time to live is very unlikely but, my poor baby Eren needed a conversation with his mother. I, myself, needed to add Mrs. Jaeger at least once.  
> Apologies for any grammar/typos, it was three in the morning when I wrote this. *Laughs nervously*


	10. Appearances make the cut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years! I decided an early update at 2:20 a.m. was needed as a way to start off 2k16 xD  
> I hope everyone has a wonderful day!  
> This chapter had a lot going on and yes, another cliff hanger. Don't hate me.  
> I got the sweetest comment the other day and I must say that is what strives me to write so much faster.  
> I'm so excited for the fluff to come, ugh fluff kills me. I love it to pieces.  
> Now, if you guys like, you can find me on Tumblr/ Instagram for comments or questions. I'd really love to hear from all of you!  
> Tumblr- mizzy_yolo  
> Instagram- ereri_ackerman (I'm more active on ig)

I needed Armin.

The only person who could solve all these shit screwed problems was Armin. Or at least help me getting emotionally stable again.

I knew that nothing could fix the hole in my heart my mother would leave. Yet I was also overjoyed that I had gotten the chance to talk to her again. I was on cloud nine at the possibility of being something to Levi. I was dying because mom was leaving to quickly. I wanted to yell at Mikasa for leaving with no explanation as to why. I wanted to shove my so called father’s head in a toilet for being a coward.

I suppressed the growl on my lips as I punched the down sign of the elevator. I needed out. Out of Trost. Out of this area where you got an eyeful of the massive hospital close by. I needed my best friend.

I snapped my phone out when the elevator finally opened with its usually too cheerful ring. Sliding my back on one of the walls of the confined space I dialed Armin’s phone but the answer I got on the other end was the last person I wanted to hear from right now.

“Armin’s in the shower, Jaeger.” Jean’s horrid voice told me.

“I need him. Right now.” I hoped Jean could hear the venom in my tone, hoping he wasn’t about to try to fuck with me like usual.

A pause on the other end made me want to slit his throat. I didn’t even care if Jean was there at this point. So I said, “I’m gonna be at his place in five minutes.”

I hung up then, not bothering or caring what Jean had to say to that. I decided to walk there, considering Armin lived so close in the district over. I hurried my pace outside of Trost, my strides not missing a beat. I didn’t even know what I wanted from Armin. All I knew was that I needed him. I need his level head, his comfort in the end. I needed his arms to hold me because I trusted him comprehensively.

Not that I didn’t trust Levi. I just needed a best friend right now. I needed the closest thing I ever had to a brother. That didn’t up and disappear without a trace.  

I knocked on the door once, wondering briefly if Armin’s gramps was here. The old man was sweet and always took care of Armin. I couldn’t help but be grateful for the gramps, considering he was the only family Armin had now.

Besides me and Mikasa.

Or just me.

I shook my head, knocking at the stain glass door again. I heard ruffled movement and I was greeted with a horse. Not literal, technically, but close enough.

This horse was also shirtless. I narrowed my eyes at him as Jean let me inside. I plopped on the couch with a huff not bothering with any greeting to him as he buttoned up a shirt.

“Who pissed in your cheerios?” Jean asked, looking mildly amused at my face. I couldn’t find what was so funny.  

“Not right now, Jean. I can’t right now.” I said, grinding my teeth together.

Jean went from looking amused to a flash of guilt over his features before he lost any look of emotion at all. It was weird seeing his face like that, an emotionless Jean was a rare sight.

“Are you okay, Eren?” He asked, taking a seat in a green looking recliner.

His sudden concern startled me. Maybe everyone could finally see I was waking up to the realization mom wasn’t going to pull through. I opened my mouth with a response but I was cut off.

“Eren! Why didn’t you wear a jacket? It’s below freezing outside!”

Armin’s concerned voice had my head snapping in the direction it came from. He was standing the the hallway with a towel on his head, loose pants slung around his hips with a soft looking shirt on. If I weren’t his best friend I’d say he was totally adorable but I could feel a certain glare from a certain horse for ogling his boyfriend.  

Then I looked down at my bare arms. In my rush from I had forgotten my jacket back home. My arms were red from the cold, my nose, I finally realized what Jean had found so funny; my nose was running and red. I sniffed, reaching at the tissue box next to me. Armin brought me over a blanket then looked to Jean who was already slipping his shoes on.

“I’ll call you later, okay?” Armin told Jean. Jean just shrugged, trying too hard to seem cool. It was obvious he could tell the underlying tension between me and Armin, wanting to give us some space.

After locking the house up Armin turned back to me, the concern still inflicted all over his face.

“Where’s your gramps?” I decided to ask. Armin wasn’t stupid though. He knew I was wondering if he and Jean really bumped and grind while his gramps was in the house right now or not.

“Gramps had an appointment today.” Armin gives me a pointed look, crossing the room to sit next to me on the couch.

“What happened?” He asked.

I couldn’t hold it anymore.

“My mom was awake when I got back this morning. She was moving. She was breathing. She said what I know where her final words. She even looked relieved when I told her Mikasa was gone. She had a glow around her. She told me she loved me. Armin, she tried to tell me to move on.”

“Oh, Eren. Please don’t cry.” Armin cupped my cheek, wiping the tears I hadn’t noticed before.  

I dove for his chest, nuzzling my face in his lap as his arms rounded my shoulders. Armin’s thumbs rubbed circles on my shoulder blades and I released the imprudent fits of sobs into his shirt. I clenched my teeth together but the hiccupping sounds still escaped my body. Armin didn’t say anything. He knew I didn’t need words. Cause, damn it, nothing could be said. Mom was gonna die. Mikasa would leave for good. Could I even try to love Levi with all the pieces of myself bashed around?

Love?

Was I going to try to love Levi?

My sobs had quieted at my thoughts and Armin seemed like he had something to say, I sat back whipping at my eyes.

“Back from where, Eren?” he asked.

“Huh?” My brows furrowed in confusion.

“You said your mom was awake when you got back. Back from where?” Armin didn’t look suspicious, more curious that I had went somewhere other than my bed for a night.

I realized I let that slip when I told him about mom. Of course, nothing got past Armin. He would have waited longer if I hadn’t calm down to ask.

My cheeks blazed slightly and his stare went from curiosity to suspicion.

“Eren, you’ve been hiding something from me and I want to know.”

Armin stared me down with the hardness of a baby bunny. But I was to appalled that he knew I’d been hiding not just Levi, but my change in sexuality.

I looked down at my clasped thumbs biting the inside of my lip. I wasn’t sure how to start.

“Um…” I tried but I really couldn’t figure out how to say this. That I was in a sort of relationship with my crazy hot boss, that I most certainly wasn’t attracted to girls. Which honestly, I never had been that interested in girls.

“You know my author, right?” I hedged.

But that was all it took. Armin’s eyes brighten with a knowing look and he smiled so wide his lips should have fallen off of his face.

“I knew it! I mean, I wasn’t sure. But when you seemed just, more at ease. You seemed a lot more alive. And it only started when we started the volunteering hours. Levi spends all his time at home for work, heard that from Erwin, and I wasn’t sure how you were gonna do with a guy like him but of all that I did not expect this.” He rambled and I had to press a hand to his mouth to shut him up.

My cheeks were still aflamed as I looked away down at my converses.

“Yeah, him.” I finally spoke.

Armin’s smile reached his eyes. “How long has this been going on?”

I sighed. “A week ish.” That was supposedly right.

Armin cocked his head, reminding me of a cat. “Have you guys done anything? I mean, you don’t have to tell me. I’m just surprised you kept this from me for a week.”

I thought about this for a moment. “I wasn’t sure to bring in up, to be honest.” I admitted, but Armin urged me to go on.

“He, uh, Levi sort of sucked my dick last night till I passed out? And we’ve kissed.” My cheeks were on fire now and so were his.

“Wow.” Was all Armin said. But wow, indeed.

And in the process of it all, I felt twice as better since coming here. Armin always helped me level my head, get everything off my chest.

“Wow yourself. You had horse-face come over to bang while your gramps was gone.” I teased.

Armin’s covered his cheeks as if that’d take away the furious blush.

“Don’t make me sound like some sex driven teenage girl!” He snapped, a pout of his lip forming.

I chuckled. “Are you?”

“I’m not! Are _you_?” Armin poked into my chest. I gave him a monotone look.

“I haven’t had sex.”

His incredulous grin made my stomach turn. “Ah, that’s right. You're a senior virgin. The last of it’s kind to be specific.”

“Ha, ha.” I rolled my eyes at his tizzy smile.

He brought a finger to his lip looking sheepish. “But you might not have to wait long. If he has already sucked you off, well it shouldn’t be long.”

I brought my palms to his cheeks, squishing them with an irritated scowl.

“Shut the hell up already, Armin.”

But he didn’t.

“Oh, would you top? To be honest, I see you as a top, just not with him. He seems to have a dominant edge.”

My eyes widened with the shit pissed smirk he was wearing, I pressed my palms tighter on his cheeks.

“Ouch! Okay! I’m done, stop it already!” Armin shoved my hands away and I sat back with a puff.

Nudging his knee to mine, I looked back at him.

“You're going to be okay, Eren.” He spoke softly. I only nodded.

A sudden buzz in my pocket had me bringing my phone to my face.

**Levi: Here’s the directions to the club. Try to not get lost. I want to give you a show. Be there by 8**

My eyes widen as I scanned the directions. It was the same place.

A show?

I told him okay, suddenly anxious for the day to pass by.

“Was that him?” Armin asked.

I nodded, not bothering to try to hide the fact I was giddy. Then an idea popped in my head.

“Hey, can we go get my hair a trim? And maybe some nicer clothes?” I asked Armin.

He grinned at me. “Why? A hot date tonight?”

I gave a subtle shrug. “Something like that. And to pass time.”

Armin agreed with a sly smile, going back in his room for shoes and his keys.

__________________________________________

“How does that look, sir?” The barber asked me and I took in my reflection.

I hadn’t realized how long my hair had grown in the past year till it was neatly trimmed and cleanly cut. My bangs came around my eyes while the shagginess I had was tamed in a nice trim.

Armin was taking in my new hair style with an appreciative smile, a hand to his chin.

“I like it. Suits you better.”

I nodded taking in the barber’s handiwork. After paying, we left the place and I couldn’t help but I feel so much more lighter. Maybe my hair was one of the reasons for my recurring headaches. I looked at my watch. It was a little bit past seven. I had time to grab something to eat before Armin would drop me off at the bar. I had decided on a dress shirt and a vest with a pair of slacks for my new clothing.

Armin was down for the vest but I still wasn’t sure how I felt about it yet. I fiddled with the buttons as Armin pulled up to a subway. I ate lightly, considering I had no idea what Levi had planned for me tonight.

“So he is the club type?” Armin was asking.

I nodded slyly. “Yeah, and I highly doubt Jean could work a pole to save his life so, boom, score for me.” I said around my sandwich.

Armin waved his hand dismissively. “At least I can have a ride, right?”

I tried my best not to choke. “God, Armin, let me relish in victory for once.”

He grinned sheepishly, stretching his arms over his head. “Come on, let's get you to your boyfriend.”

I gaped at him, kicking my seat back. “He’s not, I’m not--” I cut myself off. Levi, was he my boyfriend? Somehow that title seemed to prudent for the likes of him.

I followed Armin out, sliding into the car. Driving in silence, I decided I needed to give Armin the directions to the club. My stomach did flip flops in my throat over and over the entire way there. I was a bundle of raking nervousness, something Levi would notice undoubtedly. Armin’s car pulled into a free space not to far from the place.

“Thanks, Armin. You're the best.”

Armin gave one glance at the lightened up club before he nodded at me.

“Be safe, okay?”

As tempting as it was to roll my eyes, to brush off his concerns, I didn’t. I told him I would.

After waving bye to Armin I headed closer to the club’s lot. When I got closer, I was able to make out Levi’s form leaning at his car, dragging out a cigarette.

I gave him a pretentious look at the white death stick. He only raised a brow before the thing fell from his lips. Levi’s eyes widen wider than I had ever seen before.

“Damn.” He muttered.

“What?” I asked, mildly aware the way his eyes were taking in all of my body.

Like usually, his lips surprised with their sudden intrusion. I could hear the loud music from out here but when Levi’s lips made contact with mine everything was lost in bubble like fragments.

Levi broke away, yanking my head closer so his lips were right at my ear. My heart was fluttering rapidly in my chest.

“Did you purposely do the make-over to fuck with me or are you trying to seduce me, brat?” His voice came out huskily, I felt my knees go weak.

“N-no… I didn’t.” I barely managed the speech.

Levi took a step back, releasing me. The usual smirk was there, his eyeing shimmering with a lust that sent arousal scorching my twitching nerves all over.  

I wasn’t sure how my legs had held me up for so long.

With a cocked head, Levi’s burning steel blue gaze erupting me, he said. “I’ll make you pay big time for that, brat.”

I couldn’t stop the anticipation of those promising words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I love my blonde coconut! He makes me so happy.


	11. Slow for time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I'm so late and I'm so sorry! I started school back up and just ugh! I've been to tired to update but it's here now.  
> And fair warning-  
> This is basically porn xD  
> Smut, guys smut.  
> First time writing it too sooooo please bear with me.  
> Thank you for the kudos and my comments are always my day makers.  
> Apologies for any typos!  
> Also, this first part is Levi's POV *wiggles brow*

_Levi_

Damned kid.

The last thing I had expected of Eren was a redo of himself, looking fine and dangerous. The sex appeal practically oozed off of him and he didn’t have the slightest clue. He could have ‘virgin’ slapped to his forehead and you’d still doubts.

If it were anyone else besides me that is.

Eren’s big emerald eyes were looking down at me confused. I had yet to quit my up down on him and get our asses inside. I shoved a hand through my hair before grabbing his wrist, hauling him into the club. Moving through the mix of bodies heading towards the back, my footing not missing a beat. The loud music was bouncing but didn’t stop the thoughts echoing in my head.

It was taking all myself restraint not to up and leave this place. I wanted run my fingers through those locks of chocolate hair. I wanted to palm my hands against that chest that wouldn’t disappoint. I wanted to get the fuck out of here but like hell I’d leave when I promised him a show.

A fucking show he’d get.

Somehow this brat had wormed his way past all my walls without so much as lifting a finger. He made me forget all about Erwin and any feelings I ever had towards him. He made me want. He made me need. And it terrified me. I would never admit it, but Eren was more than some mere fuck toy. The thought of anyone else having him revolted me to no ends. I craved having his body withering under mine. I longed for the taste of him.

He was mine.

Stopping in my tracks at the thought, Eren slammed right into me. I bout tumbled forward if it weren’t the strong arm that snaked around my waist to stop my fall.

“Levi? You okay?” Eren asked as he set me upright.

My eyes felt wide but I started to nod, about to shout over the music at him a reply when he was tackled to the floor.  

Hanji had always been one quick to recover, she pointed an accusing finger at him. “You little shit! So sneaky, are we?”

Eren just cocked his head, looking at her like the psychopath she was. The gesture was beyond cute.

Fuck. Cute? I was using the word cute?

Hanji pulled him up from the floor and we settled at a table in back where the music wasn’t as loud.

Hanji fanned annoyance which really didn’t suit her. Even if I let the fact that Eren’s 17 slip, she still felt the unnecessary need to point it out to Eren. By the way he was staring at her with a bewilder expression was all to show he had no idea what Hanji was trying so hard to be responsible about. I didn't blame her, it was her club. And if Eren was ever caught there’d be shit to pay but I knew Hanji wasn’t about to snitch.

The glares turned into a rather loud sigh, she said: “Fine, I don’t care. Just no more than two shots of alcohol, you hear?” Hanji eyed Eren for his agreement before she turned to me, her facing lighting up. “I’ll go get your stage all dazzled up for you.”

I flicked my eyes at her with a nod. And she was gone along with her hectics. I got two glasses from the table over, wiping them down before leaving Eren for a second to grab a bottle. I didn’t even care what kind. I just needed something for my nerves. It’d been awhile since I’d done what I was planning on.

“What were her panties in a twist for?” Eren asked as I sat back down. I passed him the drink, smiling as he visibly turned his nose to the contentment. He caught it before I could make it disappear.  

“Oh shit, are pigs flying? Was the apocalypse scheduled today?” He teased, his vibrant smile shaking my core.

This shit.

“Shut the fuck up.” I sneered at him over the rim of my cup. “Hanji found out you’re 17.” I said.

Eren didn’t look bothered. In fact, he looked amused.

“What’s she going to do, throw me out?”

I shrugged. “She has every right to.”

“What’s stopping her?” He drawled, his eyes drooping slowly.

I didn’t meet his eyes when I answered. “Me, you shit. Now shut it up.”

I didn’t have to look at him to know the triumphant smile was there. “So, a dazzled stage, huh?” He asked, the teasing there again.

I nodded slowly, eyeing his lips for a split second before standing. “Which reminds me I need to go get ready. Hanji will come get you when I’m about to go on.”

I didn’t wait for a response, getting up I broke through the mix of crowds, heading back for my dressing room.

I popped the door open, shutting it after switching on the light. Everything was in the same order as it had been my last time here. In all honesty, I didn’t do many shows. I had heard Erwin came to this bar in particular and joined simply just because I wanted to catch his eye.

I really had been some lust sicken fool chasing his fucking tail, hadn’t I?

But that didn’t matter. Not anymore. I was willing to admit to that.

Now I had the yearning to make a green eyed little monster lust after me and no other.

I rummaged through my lingerie till I found a pair of black satin panites I had just for the hell of it. I liked women’s clothing surprisingly, these pair of panties in particular. I undressed, snapping my tight jeans off before popping my shirt along with it. After sliding into the silky fabric on I went to dig around in the wardrobe.  

After some searching I decided I’d go feminine tonight. In truth, it was drag. Another hobby, I suppose. I’d done a few of the drag queen show’s here just because I was fond of how close I could look like my mother. It could be considered wrong, or sick even, but I didn't give two flying shits about what people thought of me. I had enjoyed the eyes that had been on my skin.

But those didn’t matter anymore. No, only one pair would do now.

I groaned inwardly at how attached I’d become to him.

The black satin corset squeezed my chest but I was able to move. I slid on black thigh high socks, fishing around for my boots. After having the apparel on I went in search for my wig, plopping down in front of the mirror. After readjusting my wig, splaying a small amount of makeup, there was no doubt I could pass as a women. Except for the bulge in the panties.

A knock on the door had me on my feet. It was Hanji. She gave a huge thumbs up at my handiwork. I smirked a little, resting my shoulder on the doorframe.

“Damn, if that bulge wasn’t there, I’d so jump you.”

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. “As if I’d let you.”

Her maniac smile always unsettled me. “I know one viewer in particular that’ll jump you.”

I poked her in the nose. “That’s the point.” I said, starting for the back stage.

“Don’t drop any balls!” Hanji called after me but I was too focused on the slowing music.

The lights dimmed, my cue to go out to the stage. I went to my pole, my fucking partner in crime, really. Grasping the metal I heard the beat of the music start up as the narrowed lights fell on me.

Eren’s eyes were the first I saw, up in the front row, obviously work of Hanji. His eyes were wide, mouth slanted open and I couldn’t help my incredulous smirk.

How you like me now, kid?

 

 

_Eren_

 

How? How the hell was he able to squeeze into that corset?

My eyes wide, mouth agape, I couldn't stop staring. Who I had to bet was Levi, stood there flawless and vibrant. From the leather boots to the thigh high stockings, to the tight corset wrap around his body, down to the god forsaken panties that clung to him in all the right places.

While his body alone sent arousal coursing my veins, his sly smile he wore as he worked his body on the pole sent shivers down my spine. Levi wore a dark wig, the tendrils swirling with his every move. His eyes were shaper, shimmering with the beat of the music.

I felt myself scoot in my seat, drawing into his taunt muscles clenching and twisting while he twirled the pole, using only his legs to help him stay up. He swung to a stop, pumping out his chest then, in perfectly graceful strides he took on going money in his boots from all across the rim of the stage.

Dropping off the platform my breath caught as he came strutting up to me. His steel blue eyes were filled with lust his lips parted as he made his way towards me. My heart hammered in anticipation of his form upon mine. After waiting for too agonizingly long, Levi swung a leg up on my shoulder.

I tried. I really did.

But my eyes were glued to those black satin panties. I clenched my fists at my sides, sure that if I opened them I’d be ripping the fabric off. Levi, who read minds for a living, noticed this.

Bending down, Levi stretching his leg and licked the shell of my ear. My shudder was uncontrollable. In the back of my mind, I could hear the roar of the crowd’s shouts. But I was too far gone when his thighs straddled my lap.

All the blood drained to that one organ of my body. He noticed it. Levi’s lips were still attached to my ear and he gave a roll of his hips, the fiction had me moaning out his name. Rolling his head he cupped my cheeks, staring me down with his lustful gaze I felt within me.

“I want you, brat.” His tone was rough and husky, driving me insane.

I groaned in response, loosing my internal battle of keeping my hands at my sides when they connected with his hips. I grounded his hips down to mine, grinding and pushing. Levi hissed, throwing his head back for a mere second before shoving at my lap.

I was protesting when he put a finger to my lips. “Not here, brat. Your mine and mine alone.” He whispered roughly before pressing a far too brief kiss to my lips.

“Meet me in the car.” He said before pushing off and heading back towards the stage.

He didn’t have to tell me twice. Though my legs felt like pure jelly, I made my way out of the bar. Hanji had given me my traditional smack on the ass causing me to loose my balance once but I still managed.

Wasting no time to stand out by his car I thought about what about what he had said. Levi said I was his. I was his.

The sound of the car unlocking had me bringing my eyes to his form. Levi hadn’t changed except for the wig and there were small red blotches around his eyes when he must have cleaned himself of makeup. He opened the car door and I followed pursuit watching as he was fast to start the car and back out.

Levi’s knuckles were turning white on the steering wheel and I couldn’t help but glance down on the panties he still had on. Without much thought but the lust that had my body burning all over, I traced a line down the satin fabric, delighted at the satisfying hiss of his breath.

“Shit! Are you trying to get us killed?” Levi questioned me, his voice low and dark.

Angling my head up at him, I asked too innocently, “what?”

His scowl was smouldered with the desire he felt but it didn’t stop the snap of his threat. “Your ass is mine as soon as we get in my apartment, you do know that right?”

I hummed, tracing another line before kissing his neck. I felt so comfortable, so relaxed that I felt no shame in doing so.

Levi on the other had, was cursing and threatening my ass the entire way home.

When we finally reached Trost I had left a decent sized hickey on the side of his neck. He was still on a roll, cursing and slamming the door. I made a show of being slow getting out of the car. This, however, infuriated him to no ends, marching up to me to yank my body aside. Slamming the car door shut he clicked it locked then snatched my wrist, hauling me along to the elevator.

Or what I would have used to the elevators.

He shoved me towards the stairs.

“What?” I snapped at him but Levi was unfazed.

“Run up the steps and meet me there. I will _not_ be taking you in the elevator.” He said, stepping to press the up button.

I laughed. “You’re kidding, right?”

Levi’s expression didn’t change. My face fell. “Are you serious?”

“Hop to it, brat.” He said as I watched in disbelief him stepping into the elevator.

_Fuck this!_

I made a beeline for the steps, taking two at a time, my breathing becoming labored. I ran and ran until I was sure my legs would give out on me. I reached his floor, for what felt like after a small eternity. The chime of the elevator rang out and Levi’s eyes widened when he saw me waiting there.

“Damn, you got some-” I cut him off, yanking his body out of the elevator to press him against the wall. Crushing my lips to his, I lifted him in my arms, letting him fist a handful of my tendrils, twisting my hair as his mouth slanted over mine. His legs tighten around my waist to hold himself up. With probing and insistent licks he had my mouth open and his heated tongue wrestled with my own. His tastes flooded me, giving me what I’d been craving so much. I groaned into him but he only swallowed the sound.

Breaking away with mild aggravation, he breathed. “You. Apartment. Bed. Now.”

I chuckled breathlessly, unable to argue with that. I set him down following after as he keyed the door. As soon as he had the door shut and locked, Levi was dragging me back towards his bedroom. Slamming my body down on the bed, he was fast to straddle my waist, pinning my arms above my head. His tongue was in my mouth again, licking flicking with need, his hips working small frictions of grinding on my aching member.

I felt his hands slip to the hem of my shirt, fingering curling around the fabric for a fleeting second before he tore his hands in either directions, scattering the buttons in every direction. A throaty moan escaped my lips as Levi raked his nails down my exposed torso. He smirked against my lips, nipping at the bottom with a graze of his teeth before giving another flick of his tongue.

He was so absorbing I couldn’t keep myself from refraining from touching him, my hands curling at the feel of his taunt back muscles. I wanted more. Needed more of him. I wanted to be unscaved. I wanted to be touched anywhere and everywhere by him and to do the same. I wanted to be his. I wanted him to be mine.

With that one thought burning alive in me I changed our positions, flipping him onto his back. Levi gasped, his eyes revealing I startled him.

“What do you think you’re doing, kid?” His breathing was coming out shallow as was mine, but he still cocked a brow.

“I want you.” I moaned in his neck, my fingers undoing the buttons of his corset. Levi’s small chuckle had me lifting my head to stare down at him.

“So that’s how it’s going to be.” He didn’t look disappointed. Levi looked almost pleased.

Still I asked. “Is that alright?”

I expected a sarcastic reply but I was learning quickly never to expect anything when it came to Levi.

“It’s fucking perfect.” He breathed up at me.

With that alone, I slipped him free of the tight material, taking in his creamy skin pulled over defined muscles. His skin was perfect. A rosey bud caught my attention, his nipple hardening under my gaze. I bent down giving the bead a testing lick of my tongue. His satisfying gasp pleased me to no end, his body arching up into my mouth a real lust shooter. It felt hard between my tongue and lips, I gave a slight pinch of my teeth eliciting a throaty moan from Levi that sent an arousing twitch to my cock. I wanted to hear more of him. Listen to his begs and pleas.

I traveled opened mouthed kisses down his exposed chest, right down to his navel dipping my tongue to taste the sweat forming on his skin. Levi groaned, twisting his hips from side to side.

“Fuck.. Eren.” Levi grasped at my name as I nuzzled the inside of his thigh.

I freed him of his boots and socks, all was left were the satin panties. He was hard and aching by now, his member stretching against the fabric. I remembered Armin telling me, and I unwillingly listening, that there was a prostrate inside someone's ass. Hit it and it’s automatic orgasm. Something like that.

Levi must had been reading my thoughts, he stretched up and rummaged through the nightstand till he found what he needed. Tossing the condom and lube at me I looked down at the items.

“Hurry the fuck up, I’m not getting any younger.” He said.

Pouring a generous amount of the lube on my fingers, I rubbed them back and forth heating up the sticky liquid. Hooking a finger into the fabric I had him free of the panties, Levi’s cock sprung free curling up against his belly. He positioned his legs apart, revealing everything. With one probing finger, I traced at his entranced. I was allured out how his body reacted, head thrown back and his waist lifting up. Slowly, I slipped a single digit in, letting him get used of the feeling of it. His heat clenched around my finger and I felt myself moan at the feeling.

After being sure he was comfortable with another digit, I slipped in a third, stretching him out. He accepted this, little moans escaping his lips as I pumped inside him. His hips suddenly rutted down on all three digits, his body lifting off the mattress with a sharp cry. I made the beckoning gesture again, his body jerking violently with each caress of the bundle of nerves.

Found it.

“There! Oh, fuck, Eren!” Levi cried out and I groaned at the sound.

I slipped my fingers out with a grunt, shrugging away my jeans and boxers, thankful I had kicked off my shoes and socks at the door. I ripped the condom package with my teeth, applying it to my aching member with abundance of lube. Levi already had his ankles locked around my waist, pulling my closer.

Positioning myself at his entrance, I looked back up for confirmation.

Levi cupped my cheeks. “It’s okay. I’m not fragile. Do it, Eren.”

And at that I thrusted in, my hips moving slow and steady around his heat. Levi seemed fine with this until he became impatient. With a growl he dug his nails into my ass. My hips sprung to life, slapping against his skin harder and faster with a new found need. I buried my face in his neck, my cries spilling from my lips with his.

Levi lifted up into my hips, my cock hitting deeper inside him at the new angle.

“Eren! Right there! Oh, g-god..”  I brushed his prostate again and I knew neither of us could last much longer.  

I kept hitting, burying deeper inside of his hilt. Levi’s cries became pleas as I gave him everything I had to offer. The feeling of warm sticky liquid shot up my stomach and his. Levi panted beneath me moaning my name in a chant and soon I reeled with my mind-numbing release. My oragasm tightening my muscles as I shouted Levi’s name, my vision edging with white.

I collapsed on top of him, pulling out in the process. My breath wouldn't catch up with my brain and by the sound of it, neither was Levi’s. After a good few minutes, Levi helped me get cleaned up before hauling my ass under his comforters.

He didn’t go to shower, instead slipping onto the mattress with me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling his chest against mine. His legs tangled with mine and after my breathing calmed down I let what I just did sink in.

As our breathing became even, I knew, I’d never regret a choice I made with Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, bottom Levi is my weakness. Please don't hate me. Eren will bottom too so don't worry.
> 
> Also, I am really going to try to update during weekends. Cause if I try to write during a week day then I end up staying up late and then I'll have to wake up early for classes and its just not a good thing when I'm in a bad mood. You guys get it, right? Okay.  
> Thank you for everyone that reads this^_^ 
> 
> As usually you can find me on my Instagram @ ereri_Ackerman cause I'm much more active on there.


	12. A Twist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray!  
> Early, early update because I felt good enough to do it!  
> Though, this chapter is kind sorta short. Like Levi >.>  
> Buuuut anyhoo, I hope you enjoy, I'm so tired right now and my brain is just wanting some release :') I'm not even going to edit this, so I'll fix any typos later.  
> ALSO-  
> I am thinking about another fanfic with these two lovely boys, one that's more closer to me a bit personal? Yay or Nah?  
> P.S.  
> If this fic is seeming to be rushed, I'M SO SORRY. I noticed that I may have rushed things, but this really is my first fanfic so I pray I'm not screwing it up. I just love these two cuties so much I needed to write about them. T^T  
> OKAY, done rambling.  
> Go on, please read<3

Two lazy fingers circling feather light patterns on my chest rouse me from what had to be the best night of sleep I’d had in ages. Levi laid with his head pressed into the crook of my neck, his breath tingling my skin. I tightened the arm I had around his shoulder, drawing his attention to my face.

His enticing steel blue eyes stared up at me and I stared back. We stayed like that, absorbing each other's features what seemed to be a small eternity all in itself. Surprisingly, Levi was the first to break the peaceful silence. “Morning.”

I couldn’t help my smile. It felt nice like this, to be so comfortable with another human being. I never knew how relaxed _I_ could be with someone other than family.

“Morning.” I said.

Levi didn’t say anything else, his eyes went down cast to where his fingers still teased the middle of my chest. I leaned my head back, relishing in the placid atmosphere.

Then the façade all but vanished. A panic welled up inside my chest. I had known Levi all of two weeks at most. I’d known him for such a short amount of time, yet… I hopped right into bed with him.

I thought I wouldn’t regret anything, right?

Did Levi think less of me? Did he think I’d just jump into bed with anyone, knowing them for only two weeks or not?

Or maybe he was just entertaining my fantasies of him. Maybe he felt bad for the boy who was loosing everything and didn’t want to bring him more anguish by rejecting him. My mind swirled with everything that could be happening. That none of what I had shared with him had been genuine. I cringed at the thought.

“Is there a damn Macy’s Day Parade going on in here or what?” Levi’s sollen voice pulled me out of my thoughts, his finger prodding into my chest.

His piercing eyes were looking at me again and I felt as if he could see right through me. That he could clearly see all the doubt and negativity I was thinking about. I opened my mouth but closed it.

I didn’t want to ruin this. Levi didn’t pull me as the type to just sleep with anyone, let alone let a virgin top, right?

My mind was full on blazing now with all my doubts and fears. Levi was still staring, arching a perfect brow.

“What is it?” He asked, but there was a faint tenderness to his voice.

I looked away, clenching my jaw together. I inhaled a shaky breath before spilling, “I wouldn’t just… go to bed with anyone.” I exhaled, refusing to meet his eyes.

Terrified of the possible anger there.

Instead I was greeted with a loud sigh. “Listen to me, Eren. Because words aren’t exactly my thing.” Levi said, the mention of my name brining my eyes to his.

Prompting himself on an elbow, Levi never broke eye contact. “I know what your thinking. And before you think anything else stupid, I’ll say this.” Levi paused, looking down at my bare chest before saying, “yeah, we’ve only known each other two weeks. But if you think for a second that I’ve ever experienced this pull to anyone else, you’re wrong. I didn’t sleep with you just because I thought it’d be fun. I didn’t take you out because of some charity, and I did not say yes to your little proposal of having,” Levi gestured between us. “A relationship. Fuck, I just said that. Before you, every little work boy Erwin’s sent my way I had quitting within a week. But not you. You took this job and handled it like a fucking pro. You’ve got your demons, Eren. You're imperfect and that’s what makes you seem so damn perfect. I… shit, I sound so sappy right now. Do you get it, or do I have to spell it out for you?”  

Levi looked back at me, his icy eyes penetrating, but then they widened. “Why are you crying?”

I touched an unconscious finger to my cheek and felt the dampness there. I smiled a uncertain smile, reaching to cup this beautiful man’s cheeks. He’d just poured out all he felt, and there I had been thinking otherwise. “I’m sorry for doubting you.” I breathed.

Levi visibly relax, pushing himself forward till his lips met mine in a light brush of a kiss. “It happens.” He whispered against my lips.

Shaking my head I said, “But I shouldn’t have.”

Levi just rolled his eyes. “There you go being a brat again. Seriously, fuck those bastard that are always putting time on shit.” Reaching up, Levi swiped at my wet cheeks. “Let’s just do me and you, okay?”

My heart might have soared right out of my chests at his words. I opened my mouth but my stomach beat me to it with a loud growl. My cheeks flushed, and deepened at the sight of Levi’s crooked grin.

“Glad I’m not the only one starving my ass off.” Levi chuckled, rolling off me and out of bed.

As soon as Levi’s feet contacted with the floor, however, he went tumbling down. I moved across the bed, my eyes widening.

“Levi, are you oka-”

“You fucking shit.” His glare could have stopped an army. There he sat, bare assed, glowering at me. His hand was at his back, kneading his skin with his knuckles.

“You owe me a back massage.” He spat at me, and I had to bite the inside of my lip to contain my laughter.

“I’m sorry.” I managed to squeak out.

Levi looked ready to spit at me. “Sure you are. Damn, couldn’t have shown a little mercy?”

My cheeks grew hot all over again. “It was my first time!”

That came out more defensive than I meant it to but it was true. I had been a complete novice, I practically winged it all. But by the looks of it, Levi was only screwing with me.

Getting up from the floor, Levi bent forward, brushing his thumb against my lower lip. “I know. You did damn fine for a first timer so calm down.”

I knew they were words to try and sully me, but it didn’t stop the pride that welled up in my chest. “Damn fine?”

Levi chuckled softly. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

Positioning himself to walk to his walk-in closet, Levi all but limpt there. His ass was a nice view, on the other hand. He must have known I was staring cause Levi made a show of slowly putting on his boxer briefs, snatching his shirt from the night before, then left the room. I piled out of bed, looking around for my boxers, thanking whatever god that I hadn’t creamed them. Then I went in search for my shirt, realizing when I picked up the fabric it was two sizes too small. Levi must have grabbed mine.

Shit. And by the smell wafting through the air he was cooking too.

Wearing my shirt and cooking.

I quickly complied to snagging my slacks on, eager to see the sight the beheld me in the kitchen.

And as it was, he was indeed wearing my shirt, the cuffs came past his wrists, one button (the only button that managed to survive through his attack), held in place before revealing his creamy chest as it drooped past his right shoulder. I lunged to a seat at the marble bar, watching as he did his usual. Levi’s smirk was visible, knowing I was ogling the way his body moved around.

Setting a plate of steaming eggs with a side of toast in front of me, Levi said, _“bon appetit, mon amour.”_

I practically drooled. Not just because of the delicious looking food in front of me but the way a foreign language just rolled of his tongue.

“You know French?” I exclaimed.

Levi sat down set to me, sipping at some coffee before offering me a cup. “My mother was French, comes with the territory.”

I mused over this. “Say something else.”

Levi just looked at me for a few seconds. I was sure he wouldn’t say anything now but he had a knack for proving me wrong.

_“Manger votre omelette, gosse.”_

I ate my omelet.

_________________________________

“I forgot to tell you, mom was awake when I left your apartment the other day.” I told Levi as I let him in.

“Really?” He asked.

I nodded.

Levi smiled. “Wish I could have met her.”

I didn’t say anything, allowing myself to snatch his hand, I led him to mom’s bedroom. It would, in fact, been great if Levi could meet her. All he’s seen in this version of her. Cold and still. With the faint beating of the monitor next to her. I’d tell her about him, tell her all about how thankful I am that I met Levi. If it hadn’t been for him, I’d be here spending my days weeping around. I had him, when Mikasa left Levi was there. Armin was here. These people are what mattered. And while Mikasa mattered too, my brain was having trouble forgiving her. I resented her for leaving, for abandoning when I too, was at my lowest.

I’d tell mom all the good parts. If I got another chance.

I slipped my hand free from Levi’s, going to the fridge for another bag of water. He watched as I did the usual with mom, right until I stood by her side, staring down at her my heart was squeezing.

Levi’s fingers found mine again, looking at my mother as he took my hand. I sighed, bending down to kiss her forehead before shuffling out of the room. Levi let me lock up and I almost had the door shut all the way when a noise caught my ear.

My eyes widened, turning back to Levi for a brief second, nodding my head at the direction the noise came from. It continued, the sounds of prattling where there. Levi’s eyes became focused as we scrunched down the hall. Only to jump back when a familiar figure emerged from _her_ room.

“Mikasa?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) I'm such a happy sap.  
> Do you guys know what 'mon amour' means? I hope you do, Leviii, such a sneak.  
> Also, like my little cliffhanger?  
> Yep, she's back and I need to do some soul searching as to what to do about Mikasa's story to Eren is going to be.  
> P.S.  
> DID ANYONE READ CHAPTER 77 OF SNK? OH MY GOD, MY BABY FRECKLED JESUS!!!! 
> 
> Okay, I'm done. *cries a million tears*


	13. What You May Hear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 2:07 in the morning and I've been writing this since ten o'clock. Damn O.O  
> I've been updating after updating but I did this one early to because, well some thing happened and I needed to get my mind off of shit.  
> So here, have another chapter. I hope you enjoy and I want you guys to also know that I did a small amount of proofreading so I apologize for typos.

“Eren?” Mikasa’s startled eyes met mine. Levi’s grip on my hand tightened.

I stood up straighter, standing my ground as I glared at her. “What the hell, Mikasa?” I asked, the icy edge taking my tone.

Her eyes darted to the man beside me then to our clasped hands. I gritted my teeth cause for all I knew, she was judging me. But I didn’t give one goddamn care. Let her judge me, let her see me differently, but she wasn’t about to give me some lecture when she abandoned her family for who knows what.

“Who’s that?” Mikasa’s voice didn’t waver as she set Levi with a hard look. But Levi wasn’t the type just to bow down to anyone, gifting her with a deathly look that almost made me lose _my_ nerve.

“None of your business.” I said.

It was true. She didn’t have the right to know. I barely recognized the person standing in front of me. Her hair was shorter, framing her face in a pixie style cut. If she looked like she hardly slept before she left then her face took a whole new meaning to eye bags.

Mikasa was still fuming, but then she suddenly sighed, her shoulders sagging. “Look, Eren, this was not how it was suppose to go. I hoped-”

“How the hell did you think it’d go?” Levi spoke up. “Eren’s been so torn up over you and you want to come prancing back into his life after being missing for a good two weeks? Are you that fucking dense?”

Mikasa face took a form of looking taken aback, then to a ready to lunge at Levi. Her pupils practically turned into slits, shooting daggers at him. Levi wore his usual passive expression, looking completely unfazed.

I spoke before it got anymore dangerous in the atmosphere. “What do you want, Mikasa?” I asked in exasperation.

Her gray eyes broke from a brooding Levi and met mine, softening as they did so. “Can we sit down and talk? In private?”

I felt Levi turn to me. “Talk with her, see what she has to say. Meet me back up for dinner.”

I began to protest, but Levi stopped me, handing me a key. “I’m not going anywhere kid, but she might. Use this to let yourself in.” That shut me up. Somehow, he always found a way to do that. Nodding, I watched his retreating form till the door clicked shut. I went around and plopped on the couch, gesturing for Mikasa to do the same.  

After she settled in the recliner in front of me she took a deep breath, preparing herself. “This is probably going to make you even more mad, but just hear me out.” I nodded, all be waving her off to continue. In truth, I was curious as to what excuse she had to offer.

“Those rumors you heard? They were true. I met someone shortly after Carla was diagnosed. And I used her illness as an excuse for not showing up to school. It’s bad, Eren, what I’ve done but I’m done lying to you. The person I met, her name is Annie, she’s from back home.” By back home, I knew she meant Shiganshina. “I’d sneak out while you were at school to meet her. Cause the thing is, she’s in a lot of debt from these jerk ass gang bangers. She needed the money, so I don’t blame her.

She told me her story. She had to pay off her rent for another month because her dad’s an abusive alcoholic that does nothing for a living. He beats the shit out of her. But anyways, she started selling weed, what I supplied her with cause I know how to make it. The thing was, these gang shits came knocking at her door and demanded double the money. So, I offered to sleep around for the cash. I did it, for her. Eren, I’m sorry but she was so desperate and for once I wanted to help. We just now got enough money to pay those shitheads off. And I came back because, I need to ask a favor of you. It’s shitty of me to ask but I can’t let her stay in that environment. Annie, she really deserves so much better.”

I let all she said sink in for a moment. I didn’t know this Annie chick, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted too. Those times Mikasa started looking alive, those were the times she was doing something she wanted to. She wanted to help this girl, I didn’t know why but if I had ever came across someone like that, I knew I would have done everything in my power to help her too. I felt a sort of comfort that Mikasa had a valid reasoning behind her actions, because deep down I didn’t want to believe my sister would just abandon me like that.

“I want to get her out of there.” Mikasa was saying. “Can I use some of our funds to help get her here? I’ll pay them all back, I’ve decided to quit school and-”

“Woah woah, wait. Why the hell would you quit school?”  

Mikasa set me with a dubious look. “I’m not going back, Eren. It’d be wasted effort to try to make up all those credits. I am going to get a job and get me and Annie an apartment.”

“So you’re moving to?” I practically laughed. Was she serious?

She smiled faintly, her dark eyes lightening. “Yes, but I will come visit everyday. I’ll still help out with Carla. I just don’t feel right here. I don’t think I ever have. I know it may be hard to understand but I never meant to leave you, Eren, ever.”

My shoulders sagged while my brow furrowed. I’d still see her? Even if she was downtown again? I heaved a heavy sigh. “Okay, I can give you whatever funds you need. As long as I see you at least every other day.”

Mikasa’s eyes lit up. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

I got up, coming to her to yank her up and pull her tall body into my arms. Mikasa smelled of oil woods and faint jasmin.

“I’d do anything for you, Mikasa. No matter how mad I may be.”

She nodded into my shoulder, her limbs shaking. We stayed like that, wrapped in an embrace. Then my phone rang out, pulling me away from Mikasa so I could retrieve it. Pushing the cell to my ear, I didn’t bother to see who it was.

“Tell me all the details, I’ve been _dying_ to know.” Armin said as soon as I picked up. I couldn’t contain my chuckle and by the looks of it, Mikasa seemed curious too.

“Come meet me at the apartment. Mikasa’s here.”

“Mikasa’s there?! Why didn’t you- You know what, give me minutes flat, I’m on my way.” Armin said, the jingling of keys in the background.

“Don’t get a ticket.” I teased.

“Shut up.” Armin said before ending the call.

After hanging up on Armin, I sat back down on the couch. Mikasa looked like she had something to say. I cocked my head at her. “What is it?”

“Who was that guy earlier?” She asked, hesitation in her voice.

I scratched my cheek, not all sure how to tell her. “He’s, uh, my boyfriend?” I tested the words, but surprisingly they didn’t sound like I thought they word. They felt right on my tongue. Levi was my boyfriend.

“Really?” Mikasa asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. I nodded.

“Yeah, he’s really helped me out so far.” I said.

Mikasa looked somewhat skeptical, but nodded in agreement. “As long as he makes you happy right?”

“He does.”

She looked ready to say something else but the sound of a key being twisted and a Armin running over and knocking her about cut her off.

“Mikasa! Where have you been?” He exclaimed after helping her get up. She smiled down at him.

“It’s a long story that’ll I’ll explain later. But I’m staying.” She told him.

Armin looked at her with an intensity I couldn’t quite place. “I was so worried…” He breathed before bursting into tears. Armin attached himself to Mikasa’s side, sobbing like a baby.

Mikasa held him, patting his head while Armin weeped. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. She let him stay like that, Armin’s hiccups echoing in the rather empty living room. He must have missed her more than he ever told me.

Armin took a step back from her before looking back at me, rubbing at his eyes. “I’m glad she’s back.” He said. I smiled, coming over to them to loop my arms around their shoulders. “Looks like our trio is back.” I grinned. And we laughed in unision.

Armin, Mikasa, and I had lunch together, passing three hours out the window as we talked about anything and everything. It felt so nice to have them back, these two, they’d forever be my family. They’d always been there for me as I was for them. This family meant the world to me and I couldn’t help but feel the need to make sure Levi knew he was apart of that.

What I had with Levi was already more than some fling. I had this pull to go up to his apartment and bring him down here with me just to have him by my side. But I was also prospering at dinner we would be having soon enough.

“Eren, you’ve passed your uno like seven times.” Armin said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re not suppose to look at other people's cards!”

Rolling his eyes, Armin snatched the uno card out of my hand. Mikasa snickered. “Armin, you are _cheating."_

“How can I be cheating when I’m playing a game as simple as uno with you?”

I scoffed, while Mikasa’s snickers turned in full on giggles. “What does that mean, mushroom?”

Armin scowled at me, throwing his cards into my face. “I’m done with this game.”

“I’m done with you.” I sneered.

“Oh yeah?” Armin faced me, licking his index finger before running it across my forehead.

“EW! What the fuck, Armin?” I bellowed at him, rushing up from the table to the kitchen sink to cleanse myself of his germs.

Armin just shrugged. Mikasa was kneeling over with laughter and the sound made getting a finger full of saliva worth it.

“You… guys are such idiots..” Mikasa wheezed out between fits of giggles. Her smile was bright when she said, “I missed you both.”

I grinned wide, while Armin got up and hugged her. He looked back at me as he did so.

I mouthed at him, “I’m so getting you back for that.”

He just flipped me the bird. That blonde asshole. 

“Carla would be happy.” Mikasa said softly.

My grin disappeared. I hadn’t told her about mom waking up yet. And honestly, I wanted to keep it to myself. I didn’t want her to feel bad for missing it, so instead I pulled her into another hug, tugging Armin along with me.

After cleaning up in the apartment, I walked Mikasa and Armin down out to the lobby. “Do you have a place to stay?” I asked her.

“Yeah, me and Annie got one, so don’t worry. Thank you again for this.” She said, raising the funds I’d given her earlier.

I shook my head, “anything for you.”

She smiled, pulling me in for another hug before giving one to Armin. “I’ll see you both soon.” She said before walking off towards where I hoped she’d be safe.

“I’ll call you later, me and Jean got a hot date tonight.” Armin tried to wink but I yanked his hair.

“Don’t ever do that again.” I said.

“Ugh, I have a headache now cause of you.” Armin fanned annoyance, walking towards his car. He waved at me once, and I flipped him off and he was gone.

I stood there for a second, basking in the sun’s sinking rays. A contentedness rouse in my chest, and with the day I had, it only grew.

-x-

I used the key Levi had given, letting myself into his condo. The air wafted with spices and mouth watering scents. Damn, wasn’t it fine, having a boyfriend that could cook.

I clicked the door shut, kicking my shoes off. Going in search I found Levi on the couch, a phone pressed to his ear while he channel surfed with his free hand.

“Yes, I only have one more chapter to go. I will get the manuerscript in, stopping getting you’re panites in a twist.” He spoke into the phone, meeting my eyes as I came over to him.

I plopped next to him on the couch while he talked, not paying attention at what he was saying. I grew bored, so slanting my legs back, flopping over onto my stomach, I rested my face in his lap. His fingers all but shot into my hair, twirling around the strands before tugging lightly. It sent shivers down my spine and I made a small noise when his nails scraped along my scalp.

Levi finally ended the call, setting his phone down. “An impatient brat, are we?” He said, tugging on some hair.

I turned so my eyes could look up at his. “I figured you might like looking down at me for once.”

The sharp pull of my hair had me cutting off. “Wanna say that again, brat?”

I chuckled, prompting myself up to eye level with him. Levi cupped my face, kissing my lips so tenderly my heart skipped a beat.

Sitting back on the couch, I stretched my arms with a small yawn. Today had been great, but also exhausting. I sniffed the air again. “Why’d you make?” I asked as Levi got up to go to the kitchen.

“Smoked salmon and salad.” He said, pulling some plates from the cabinets. I got up from the couch to watch him dished out the food.

I drooled over the fish. “Did I ever tell you it’s hot that you can cook?” I told him.

Levi smirked. “Wife material?”

I laughed. “Totally.”

Levi kept a small smile on his face while getting our plates ready. After we settled down with some drinks, I plunged for a bite of the salmon, my mouth watering at the flavoring tastes on my tongue. I even let out a moan.

Levi cocked a brow at me. “That good?”

I looked at him through my fork. “I think I just had a food orgasm.”

He laughed at that. “So, how’d things go with your sister?” He asked after a bit.

I smiled. “Things are straightened out. I’m happy, to be honest. I thought she was being totally selfish, and in some ways she was but they were good intentions.”

Levi didn’t asked for the details, but nodded. “I’m fucking glad to hear cause the vibes I got from her were mixed signals.”

“You both have one hell of a glare.” I offered.

Levi rolled his eyes. “No one compares to mine, kid.”

I grinned around my fork. “That is true.”

We ate out the rest of the meal, not without a few more moans from me though.

Afterwards, Levi lead me back towards the couch, scrolling through some channels, I wrapped an arm around his waist as he settled into my side. The hickey I had left on him the other night caught my eye and I pulled the collar of his shirt down to examine it. I scratched lightly at the skin before I looked at his other, non-marked up side of his neck, leaning in a gave a little lick of my tongue. Levi shivered.

I changed my position, capturing his body between my arms, I kissed feather light kisses on his neck. Levi crooked his head to the side, letting me have more access to his neck for the soft skin there. I began to suck, swirling my tongue in the patch of skin. His fingers coaxed into my hair again, tugging off and on. I grazed my teeth for a split second, feeling his body jerked at the touch then sighing with contentment. 

I bent down till I was on my knees before him. He looked at me through hooded eyes.

“Eren, what are you doing?” Levi questioned me.

I didn’t break eye contact, reaching for his zipper of his jeans, before popping the button open. “Dessert?” I said.

I didn’t give him time to respond, unbuckling his jean, taking my time. I pulled enough room of his boxer briefs so Levi’s member sprung free. I gazed at his length, amazed for such a short man he wasn’t lacking in the size department.

I brought the tip to my lips, giving a testing flick of my tongue. Levi hissed through his teeth, his fingers clenching in my hair. I left a trail of saliva down his shaft, nibbling at his balls before coming up to take him whole. I retracted my teeth, bobbing my head on his swollen tip before going down further. Levi was moaning, moving his hips with a slight shaken need. I pressed further but backed up when I felt the beginning of my gag reflex.

Continuing to move my mouth on his length, my tongue swirled around the head of his cock, tasting the bead of pre-cum on his throbbing member, enticing another throaty moan from Levi.

“E-ren..” Levi groaned.

Pumping my head faster, I moved steadily, feeling my way for Levi’s thighs, sucking till my cheeks hollowed out.

“Shit..”

Levi grew tense under me before spurting up into my mouth. I swallowed, tasting the bitter liquid run down my throat.

Levi was still panting with hard breathes as I sat up, a wicked smile spreading my cheeks for affecting him this way. His glare was all too smoldered to be taken seriously.

“Take me to bed, you shit.” He commanded.

And I was too willing to compile to his orders. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'm going to say is not everything is as it seems. So pleeeease don't make assumptions. I make a twist :3 and its really for the better. Have faith in me, bananas. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the little smut at the end *wiggles brow*
> 
> I'll be starting on another update soon enough, thank you for all my kudos and comments, they make me so so happy!  
> I'm gonna sleep now >.>


	14. Don't Settle Just For Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, so here is another update in the last past three days. This is also early for of many reasons.  
> I was pointed out somethings that made me rethink how this part was going to go, so thank you to AcireMarie. I take all tips that are given to me seriously and think it for the better of this fic. Nothing personal either! Promise! I love everything you share with me^_^  
> Another reason is well, I was also disappointed in myself as well. Serves to show I should not write when I'm frustrated :/ or When it's two o'clock in the morning xD  
> But! All is better now and I'm writing this at a much better time of the day!  
> Hope everyone has a lovely day. So now I'll stop rambling-  
> go on read:)

“Wait, what?” Levi asked up at me, disbelief coloring his features.

We were in his bed, limbs tangled upon limbs, my head resting on his chest. When Levi had told me to take him to bed, he meant it quite literal. We stripped except for boxers, he had preached that his back was all too sore for any festivities. While I’d been disappointed, I’d been pretty exhausted so I passed right out.

I’d just recited Mikasa’s story I’d learned of yesterday, getting his intel of what he thought. I wasn’t exactly sure how I felt. I knew some parts of me wanted to just brush it off, comparing to my constant fear for my mother but the hot headed side of me was nagging, telling me that I have things I needed to settle with her.

“What?” I asked Levi, who was now pushing me up to a sitting position, thin eyebrows scrunched together while he sat up to face me.

“What? Eren, that’s a whole load of bullshit. First she goes and comes without notice then asks you for money for some chick you don’t even know? Where’s your brain, kid? You have every right not to be okay with that.”

My lips pulled into a thin line as I stared down at my hands. I thought about what he said. And realized with a satisfaction, I _wasn’t_ okay with her excuse. Mikasa up and left mom and I to charity some stranger. She couldn’t have done that for us? The people that took care of her throughout her entire life? Obviously she didn’t have her priorities straight.

Why? Why would she do all that shit for some person that she’d just met? Didn’t she know how worried sick I’d been, even if I was severly pissed I was still constantly worried she was living on the streets.

Which brought me to Armin. He didn’t know her story, just knew she’d come back. I’d been holding so much from him when I shouldn’t have. I realized with a horror how wrong everything Mikasa made to seem a justification was. Armin would have seen this, he would have realized that her intentions were twisted. And maybe that’s what grief made you do. Maybe she was looking for an outlet for all the emotions she felt and was focusing it all on that girl.

I groaned, pressing my hands to my face. “What the hell am I supposed to do? I told her I’d take care of the funds she needed.”

“You need to make sure she understands the shit she dropped on you, on top of having your mother to worry about. It's fucking bullshit she expects so much out of you. You’re holding in school, you got yourself a part time job. Let her get her life together. Give her enough money, if you want to keep in contact with her do so. But she needs a reality check.”

Nodding I cursed under my breath. I felt like I was back tracking settling with Mikasa. But Levi was right. It was bullshit she expected so much, and again, _I didn’t even know the fucking chick._

I squinted my eyes. “Why?” I asked aloud. “Why would she even stoop to sleeping around for some girl? She could have gotten a job.”

Levi seemed to think about this for a second. “Do you know the relationship she has with the girl?” I shook my head. “Then, honestly, if they’re more than mutual than I highly doubt Mikasa has been thinking rationally.”

This was news to me. Was Levi insinuating that there was another feeling driving Mikasa forward?

My neck snapped back while I breathed in, my fist clenching the comforter surrounding my body. “Holy shit.”

“Look, I’m not going to say there is, but think about. I know it’s all a lot to take in and fuck her for doing that but I believe in you, Eren.” Levi said before yanking me by my arm so he could kiss my cheek. I relaxed into his touch, feeling of being light weight.

“I’ll get it through to her.” I murmured, my stomach fluttering as Levi’s lips travel to my jawline.

“Mhm.” He murmured against my skin, the sound vibrating through my cheek. I slouched into him, letting him tug my body up so his lips were still connected to my skin. He nibbled on my earlobe, shooting goose bumps on my arms before shoving me away to start what felt to be our morning routine.

“Breakfast then you’ll go talk to her.”  Levi said, stretching his arms up, the wings on his back woving along with the muscles.

Nodding, I rolled out of bed, following after him into the kitchen.

After finishing up breakfast, I took a not so quick shower with Levi, then got dressed and told him I’d be back later. Obviously, Rico must have harassing him about this month's manuscript because he went right into his study after I told him bye.

I rode the elevator to my floor to go up in the apartment to take care of the usual with mom. Going through with her packs of water to changing the bedspread pan. Afterwards, I went to the study where most our saved up cash was stored. I grabbed three hundred bills, hoping Mikasa would choose to be wise with is. I had texted her earlier to meet me at Trost’s local cafe. After stashing the cash, I found a jacket in the hall closet and made my outing.

Knowing I’d have to explain to Armin later I made a mental note to text him later. Damn, I was really busy for a Sunday. Before all this shit went down, I’d been up in my room passing time doing nothing. Levi would probably writing more stories or stripping. Either or.

I met Mikasa at the cafe at ten. She was wearing a big black coat, her red scarf pulled around to muff her face. I gestured for her to go in first, since it was unfortunately freezing in the January air.

We got seated and ordered some tea. I knew Mikasa knew I had something to say. And while I was gathering my thoughts, she got this look of remorse that I wanted to stab right out. No, this wasn’t about remorse. This was about me telling her to that if she was wanting to do this for herself, then she’d do it herself.

“Mikasa, I don’t think you understand the bomb you’ve dropped on me.” I started.

“I-” Mikasa began but I cut her off.

“No, shut it up. I listened to you, now it’s your turn. Fair?” I waited for her to nod before I continued.

“Like I said, everything you told me, at them moment I wasn’t able to really let it sit in. But then I did and I realized you’re so unbelievably selfish. Mika, you’ve come and gone then you ask for money so you can live with some girl I don’t even know? What am I supposed to do? Blindly agree with no regrets? Fuck that, Mikasa and fuck you for thinking I would. But I’m not here to chew you out, trust me I fucking want to. But I’m not.”

Mikasa spoke quietly, soft and wavering. “What is it?”

I looked at her then, something I’d been refusing to do. “I’m giving you this money and then I don’t want to see you again. Not till I’m ready. If you’re in trouble just call me but me and you, Mikasa, we’ve taken different paths. I understand if you don’t see mom as family, but I always will be.”

Mikasa looked at me with raw anguish but I stood my level head, refusing to get pissed at her hurt. It wasn’t my fault. She brought this up on us, and this was the reprocution because I wouldn't just jump when she said to.

“I… I understand. Thank you, Eren. For everything. Tell Armin I love him for me, will you?” I nodded before taking a sip around my tea. My nerves were standing on my neck but I refused to show her emotion.

Mikasa stood up, gathering her things before turning to me to take the money. She deadpanned at me before looking right into my eyes. “I’ll come back as a better person, Eren. I promise you that.” She told me, before turning abruptly and walking swiftly out of the cafe.

I watched her leave, feeling apart of me go with her. As pissed as I still was at her, I knew it wouldn’t be long till I started to miss her. But this was the only conclusion my mentality gave me. She had her priorities, I had mine. And unfortunately, that was the way my life went.

-x-

Armin’s breath drew in quietly while I waited for his response. Just like a bomb had been knocked down on me, I just unloaded an even bigger one on him.

“She’s changed.” He said quietly after a while. I met him outside his gramps house, sitting on the porch watching the snowfall.

“She has.” I agreed.

“Are you okay, Eren?” Armin asked me, his blue eyes searching my face.

I rolled my shoulders, reaching out to catch a snowflake before answering him. “I will be.”

“Don’t hold it all in. Please talk to me if you need to. I’m here, Eren. It’s not like you to hold in your feelings but that’s what changed about _you_.”

I looked back at Armin then and realized her was right. I used to be so hot headed, never caring what I did. But that was till mom was diagnosed. It was then reality sunk into this dark bubble wrapping itself around me. But I couldn’t let it take me whole. Wouldn’t let. Armin wouldn’t. Levi wouldn’t.

Levi. He’d lost his mom once too. Yet, Levi was the person he was today because of that. And while not all of it was comforting, I knew I’d make it out of this. I could deal with the bullshit.

“C’mon, Armin. I’m always a brooding hot head.” I said, smiling faintly at him.

He sighed through his nose, prodding my arm before say, “I love you, Eren. And Mikasa. You’ve both have been there for me and I want so desperately to be there for you too. You both accepted who I am. You even accepted Jean.” Armin said with a little laugh.  

I clicked my tongue at him. “I haven’t accepted your pet horse, I just tolerate him.”

Armin laughed again, slugging my arm carelessly.

“Same difference.”

I scolded him. “No, there is a difference.”

And speak of the fucking devil, Jean in his big snow boots and piles of coats, came strolling up to Armin’s porch.

“Oh, hey, Jaeger.”

For once I wasn’t totally displeased with him. “Hey.” I greeted him.

Armin was all too quick to plop of the porch, giving Jean a kiss on the cheek while hugging him.

“Get a room.” I scowled at Jean’s crooked grin.

“Shit, don’t start with me, Jaeger. I heard you were banging your boss.” Jean said, walking up to stand on the porch with us.

My eyes practically popped out of my head. Then they shot to Armin, who was scratching his head with a sheepish expression.  

“You _had_ to tell him?” I shot at Armin, ready to strangle his boyfriend.

“Well you were, uh, busy and I had to tell someone!” Armin said in his defense.

I rolled my eyes.

“Aha, Jaeger’s as gay as they come, huh?” Jean poked his finger into my side and I snatched in time to squish his index.

“Ow! Okay, stop!” Jean grumbled, holding his injured finger as I moved past them, walking towards Trost tower.

“Bye!” Armin called after me and I waved my hand in return.

I really could only take so much of Jean at a time.

I trudged through the snow, watching the snowfall around me. I wore Levi’s key around my neck, knowing myself, I’d lose it if I didn’t. I kicked off the snow on my converses when I reached the lobby. I rode the elevator to Levi’s floor, letting myself in. I disposed of my jacket and shoes. It was already past four in the afternoon I noted when I looked at the oven clock. Levi must have still been writing, padding back to his study I knocked on the door.

Levi’s steel blue eyes met mine. “Hey.”

I smiled faintly, taking a seat on the floor next to his legs so I could rest my head on his thigh. One hand found it’s usual place in my hair, combing through the snarls.

“Are you okay?” He asked after a few moments of silence.

I answered him as I answered Armin.

“I will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figures Levi would be the one talk Eren into some sense. Levi you<3  
> Yep, I'm sorry for cutting Mikasa out at the moment but I feel like it's the best for both her and Eren to go different paths. But like I said, for the moment. And if you're confused about the little Mikasa/Annie thing I threw in, I apologize, another thing I came to in the end. Because love makes you do crazy things right? (I wouldn't know o.o)  
> I hope this chapter was a bit more satisfying!  
> I am not sure when I will be updating again but I will try to make it soon!  
> Also, sorry this chapter was bit on the short side but it covered everything I needed it too.  
> P.S. (there's always something else xD)  
> I am not a fan of writing hot, steamy smut so expect cute fluffy smut because it makes me happy >.


	15. Actions Speak for Lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! I felt so weird after not being able to post after three whole days so I took my time to write this part!  
> I hope you guys understand.  
> I needed a fluffy, relaxing part after such tensions. ;n;  
> And while I tried to not add angst, I really, really tried, some found it's way in.  
> But for the main part this part is basically setting now for the second part of this Fic.  
> Thank you for all my comments/kudos!  
> As always, come find me on instagram @ ereri_ackerman. I'd love to hear from you all!  
> Now, I'm done rambling-  
> Go ahead and read the fluff<3

A whole week had passed since I’d last seen Mikasa. But to many surprise, a lot has happened in this last week.

For one, Erwin made a personal visit to Levi’s apartment unannounced while me and Levi had been, well a tangled, hot, sweaty mess. That was Monday night, and much to anyone’s dismay, Erwin stood there the entire smiling like the big creep he was till we noticed him. Levi looked about ready to murder the blondie wonder eyebrows, his fuming state unnerving me.

Turns out, Erwin had stopped by for a message to Levi from Rico, (why they couldn’t have called was beyond me), congratulating him for making New-York times award for the third time in a row. Levi blew it off as some check from a grocery list while I sat gaping at him. He’d be making a big speech of sorts in New York City in another week's time, during the weekend so I’d get to witness him in action. I was still thinking what gift I’d get him for winning such an award but everything I thought of was too original.

As that week wore on, I hadn’t been to sleep in my own bed since the first night I’d been over at Levi’s. He claimed he was too cold without me, which was a lie to cover up his feelings. I still made an effort to go downstairs and take care of mom's usual. Her vitals had caught my eye, slipping numbers. The cold sweat I’d been was soothed by Levi, guilt flaming me because I usually forgot he lost his mother too. That he understood the pain.

I was slowly but surely bringing my grades up, all thanks to Armin’s tutoring sessions. While my blonde friend would pick at me about my grades any chance he’d get, Armin was really all too willing to help. But it usually meant studying with his horse-like boyfriend, a sad, sad con.  

Hanji and Petra had a knack for coming and visiting after hours when me and Levi are usually lazing around watching movies or something for dinner. I found the more I observed them, the two together _had_ to share something. There had to be something there with the way they looked at each other. Hanji told me stories of when Levi was little because they’d been childhood friends. She talked so much, telling me his mother would have him dress in cute, frilly dresses just cause he made them work. While Levi would try to scowl the entire time, he’d slip up every time I busted out laughing to crack a smile. Petra would be the end of Hanji’s rampages, probably sensing of Levi’s patience wearing thin.

Then after they’d leave, Levi would let loose and attack my neck with his lips. I was sure he was getting me back for those _two_ hickeys I gave him, now doubling my feat with spots all over my neck and collarbone. We’d gotten pretty hot and heavy, Levi ravishing my body but when he told me to spread my legs, like the idiot I am, I hesitated. Levi had tossed the bottle of lube at me, not mentioning it to my appease and let me take him.

I’d be ready for him one day, and when I was, I wanted him to make love to me, not just sex or a fuck. I told him so, but instead of brushing it off with some sarcastic words, he agreed. It was so endearing that he’d wait for me that it almost made me eager.

And that about brought me to now, sitting up in his study editing his papers. Levi had told me he liked how I was able to catch his mistakes but I was just floating at the idea of reading the drafts of my favorite book series.

“Are you done? I want to go out for dinner.” Levi said from the doorframe. He'd just gotten back from running to the office to drop of some of the manuscript to Rico. His hair was wind blown, laying scattered on his face. His chiseled cheeks were a faint pink from the cold January air about. He oozed hot male and I had to take a moment to appreciate that he was _my_ boyfriend. Even with the mess I’d been in with Mikasa, and the pain of my mother, Levi had a way of making this life worth living.

Checking off one more mark, I stood stretching my arms to the air. “Yeah, I’ve been craving a burger and fries.”

“Greasy, but okay.” Levi said, a faint smirk twitching at his lips.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m a man of grease.”

I strode up to him, circling my arms around his waist. He was grinning now, looking up at me with those beautiful steel blue eyes of his. His coat was still cold from the icy air outside, cedarwood and musk inhaled into my nose. I bent so I could brush my lips over his before I detached myself to go in search of my shoes and coat.

Once out of Trost, Levi turned on some music I’d heard before as we settled into the car. “Is this Lady Gaga?” I laughed once we were on the road.

Levi looked over at me for a split second before returning his eyes to the road. “And if it was?”

I laughed harder. He scowled.

“Don’t knock Lady Gaga, she may be a fuck case but I like her music.”

He turned the knob on the song that I remembered as 'Bad Romance'.  

I couldn’t contain my grin. Honestly Levi liking Lady Gaga didn’t shock me in the least. At one point he started humming to the song and those hums turned into singing along with the music. I leaned in and learned Levi had a sweet and smooth voice that stayed on tune. Even if the artist of the song made me laugh, Levi singing along with her was too cute I had the urge to squish his cheeks.

My stomach hurt  from laughing so much by the time we got to the burger joint. Levi looked me up and down before bristling out of the car. I smiled happily as I got out, slamming the door behind me.

I followed him inside to the menu. We decided on Burger King since it was so close and I hated it everytime he’d pay for me, so I made it fast and affordable. Ordering our burger and fries I followed Levi to a table by the back, tray in hand.

Levi picked through our food, handing mine and taking his. I opened my burger first and with some force I shoved the sandwich in my mouth. The grease hit my tongue with such satisfaction, I rolled my eyes back. A snicker had my attention at the man sitting across me in his huge coat and unwrapping a hamburger like a fucking gentlemen.

“Shut up, it’s good.” I said around my mouthful.

Levi sneered at me. “Eat or talk, kid.”

I fake scoffed at him before continuing to devour my shrinking amount of food.

“So, how are those grades coming along?” Levi asked me before popping a fry into his mouth. He made another face before taking another one to his lips.

“It’s going good. I have a C- in bio chem for the first time ever.” It was true. I had a straight F for the past year, and even with the credits I earned from  the Survey Publishing, I knew I had to put some effort in eventually.

Levi made another face at the fry in his mouth before going to bite into his burger. “That’s really good, especially since you did that in a week.”

I nodded, finishing up my meal. It was good. Everything before now seemed so pointless. School, work, everything. But now I was more determined than ever. Even if my mom wouldn’t be able to cheer me on; I wanted to continue to work hard for her and perhaps my future.

I let Levi finish up his food, which he didn’t even eat half of, before going back out to the car. The chilly air froze me to the bone and I all but jumped for cranking the heat on as soon as Levi had the car running. The car was once again filled with Lady Gaga. This song, however, I knew well enough to mouth the words. I turned to Levi in a dramatic draul.

I mouthed the words; “Just dance!” Before pumping my fist into the air. He was biting his lip, trying to focus on the road but I continued my crazy marge of mine. I let myself lean in to mouth words in his ear before sitting back, laughing at my little show. And to my delight, Levi laughed right along with me.

It felt so good, to be so free. I felt so comfortable with him, and at that I was so damn happy. I smiled more often. Levi smiled more often.

He rolled up to the parking lot of Trost before turning to me, a smile vibrant on his otherwise expressionless face. “You’re such a fucking freak.” He laughed.

I grinned. “Says the guy who defended Lady Gaga.”

Levi laughed again, the sound of jingling bells. My heart skipped a beat. We were ourselves around each other yet when Levi laughed, it sent butterflies in my stomach. He reached for my face, kissing me long and slow. His lips moved with mine, brushing and sliding.

Breaking apart with a breathless gasp, we couldn’t have gotten up to his apartment faster. Once in however, I pulled him into my arms, pressing him against me as we walked back to his bedroom. I yanked his coat off before latching my lips back to his lips. We kicked our shoes off, loosing article of clothing as we made our way to his bed. Levi gasped as I palmed his hardened member.

I made love to him that night, it was more tender and sweet than any other nights before. I took my time and made sure my lips attached to every part of his body. Levi melted in my arms and for him to submit to me so made my heart swell and my pride bounce. Only I saw him like this. Only I got to ravish him.

And I couldn’t help but think I was falling. And falling fast.

_________________

“When is your birthday?” I asked Levi. On the couch, we’d done absolutely nothing all day except lay around, cuddling and watching movies.

My head was in his lap, his fingers messing around in my hair like usual. “December 25th.” He answered me.

My eyes widen. “So, Christmas?”

He nodded, palming my locks back while keeping his attention trained on the movie. It was some horror flick with bad acting.

“When’s yours?” He asked me after a moment.

“March 30th.”

His thin eyebrows scrunched up as he thought about this. “It’s coming up.” He murmured before bending down and claiming my lips. I didn’t have much time to dwell on his words when Levi’s tongue asked for entrance by prodding at my lips. I allowed his request, wrestling with his tastes from dominance.

And that’ how we spent our Saturday, lazing and making out. Levi was very much apart of me as I felt to be apart of him. He lost his edge a long time ago and now allowed me to see into his life, who he was. And what I found was a man of many talents. He was a clean-freak for the control it gave him. He didn’t like sugar in his tea. Levi loved to wear my shirts. He used humor to cover his emotions. Whenever he’s annoyed he bounces his knee. I knew all this yet, some parts of him are still well hidden. And that was to be expected. Even though I was more profoundly closer to him, there was some parts I hadn’t let him in for the fear of what he might find there.

“Levi?” I asked up at him. We were still watching movies and it was well past six in the evening now.

“Hm?” He responded. I was the big spoon on the couch while his was the little, feeling his breaths on my chest as he exhaled.

“How did you cope with the loss of your mom?” I asked quietly, unsure how he’d react.

His body tensed with the mention of his mother, making me regret fiercely for asking.

“I’m sorry, I should-” I started but he turned in my arms to face me, pressing a finger to my lips.

“You’re allowed to ask. Only you.” He looked into my eyes and I felt he was somewhere distant.

I nodded, letting him speak.

His eyes trailed down to the hem of my shirt. “I watched my mom die in a hospital and that’s probably why I hate them so much. After watching her die and then losing her, I knew I wouldn’t be the same. I got into some heavy shit in my high school career. Smoked a ton, and at one part I started selling myself. No one knew, of course. Everyone thought I was depressed but that was it. No asked. No one came. Kenny still shoved me around like usual. But the thing was, I wouldn’t have stopped any of it if it weren’t for Erwin.

He drove me crazy. Nagging me and telling me to quite. But I didn’t want to so I kept up with all the drugs and prostitution. I felt like I was alive in an otherwise dead body. I overdosed once and almost lost my life. Erwin, the fucker, had been worriedly showing up to my house everyday after classes. And he found me, barely hanging onto a pointless life and saved me. Got me to the E.R. and my stomach was sucked out and all that weird shit. Afterwards, I stopped, it was a hard change but I knew I had to quit. Erwin was right, he had told me my mom wouldn’t ever wanted this for me. I didn’t want it for me. So I wrote about it. I started creating stories, putting words together and see what they created.

Along the way, Erwin got a business passed down to him during our college times. I was still writing and submitting my work. It was the only occupation that seemed appealing. Erwin told me that the business he officially owned now was a publishing company. He found a way to get critics to read my work, working my way to the top. I started writing a series. I became an well known author. And it was thanks to Erwin.

But like you asked, how did I cope? As I said, not well but I had the person I needed in my life at the right time to make it manageable. It hurts, Eren. I’m not going to sugar coat shit. It feels like a black hole swallowing you up and you drown in it. I can’t say for sure how you will react because really, neither of us know. I’m here for you though, I promise you that, Eren.”

Levi took my hand into his own and I could feel my heart beating rapidly at what he had just told me. I knew it was going to hurt, if it hurt so much now, I couldn’t imagine walking into the corpse of my mother. Levi had Erwin at the time. I had him now. I swallowed the lump in my throat, the tears burning in the back of my eyes. It’d been so long since I cried but I was at the brink of a melt down now.

“I love you.” I choked out.

Levi’s eyes widened but softened as he brought my hand to his lips. He stayed like that for awhile, his breath tickling my knuckles. I couldn’t see his eyes, his face was turned downcast as he kept his lips to my skin.

He was so much more than I ever deserved. Yet here he was, holding me as I lost my mother. I needed him, in this life and the next. He gave me the support I’d been craving from someone, anyone. Mikasa left. I didn’t know the man known as my father. I had Armin. For the moment I still had mom. And while I knew I hadn’t had Levi for long, he was there. From the moment he shut me up with a kiss to the time he listened to me as I talked. He gave me a chance and I’d always be grateful for it.

My emotions became so strong as Levi stayed silent. I felt myself beginning to burst. I wouldn’t even mind if he didn’t return my feelings, I understood that emotions were relatively hard for him, but I wanted him to know I was sure of myself.

He sat up abruptly. His steel blue eyes searched mine, his bottom lip trembling. There was so much emotion in his eyes, I knew without, even if he didn’t allow me to hear the words now, that he felt the same. I’d hang on to him and never let go.

“Eren, I never knew I could love someone.”

And my heart melted in bliss at those single words alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy sap is I!  
> Hope you guys liked this part!  
> I felt the urge for Levi to like Lady Gaga and Eren lip singing it to him. You understand right? No? okay XD  
> I'm am going to start writing my newest AU with these two lovelies this weekend when I'm not so busy and I'm so excited!  
> Now, I'm not sure what the chapter range will be on this fic, maybe 20? I dunno yet.  
> Comment questions if you have any.


	16. Between Living and Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update!  
> Boy, this one is a long one. But very necessary. Though this made my butt numb in the process, I hope this chapter is realized as what I tried to portray it to be. It's heartfelt, especially from me on more personal level.  
> But! Cuties being cuties! Angst being angst! Isn't that wonderful.  
> All I can say is I'm preparing these chapters for more awful sadness.  
> Damn, I'm talking in riddles. You guys will get it eventually.  
> As always, come find me on instagram, wanna hear from you all. @ ereri_ackerman  
> And now the rambling is done,  
> Go on and read:)

I’d been standing in a convenient store for over an hour. Still nothing came to me.  

“Why don’t you just buy him flowers?” Armin asked me. I dragged him along with me to get his opinion of what I should buy Levi to congratulate him on winning his author’s award.

So far we’d gotten no where. Even though I moved the tutoring sessions with Armin over to Levi’s place, excluding Jean, so Armin could observe Levi enough to get a feel of what he might prefer. Cause the thing was, I was so uncreative it was downright sad. I was hoping Armin could think of something but he really couldn’t wrap his mind around what Levi tastes would be.

I couldn’t blame him. _I_ could barely wrap my brain around Levi. He was too damn complex.

I groaned, taking a seat by a shelf of stockings. Flowers were to cheap. Something big was too extravagant.

I heard Armin sigh. “Eren, honestly I think he’d be fine with whatever you got him.”

He was right. I knew Levi wouldn’t care if I got him a pair of damn socks, he’d still be fine that I even tried. Honestly, he was probably expecting just that.

“Oh!” I thought aloud, pulling my phone out. I could feel Armin’s stare but I kept scrolling through my contacts till I found my target.

Dialing the number, I waited. “Helloo?” Hanji’s voice cooed through the speaker.

“Hey, Hanji. Is Petra with you?” I asked. It hadn’t occurred to me till now that these two both knew Levi well enough. I would rack their brains about a gift for Levi.

“She sure is. Whatcha need, babycakes?”

I told her to meet me at a Hobby Lobby downtown and I’d be there soon. Turning to Armin, I told him my plan before snatching his wrist and pulling him out of the useless store towards his car.

About 20 minutes later, I was strolling up to the Hobby Lobby, Armin following behind.

“Eren! Over here!” I heard Hanji call, waving at me frantically.

She and Petra were bundled up in big coats, as were me and Armin. Armin shot me a skeptical look but followed me anyways. I smiled when we reached them, letting Hanji tackle me with her usual bear hug.

“So, what’s up?” Petra asked as we made our way inside.

I scratched the back of my head before answering. “I was wondering what you guys think Levi would like from me as a gift for winning his award?”

Petra seemed to think for a moment but Hanji grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to meet her maniac grin.

“Wrap yourself in red ribbon, while being naked of course, and make a seductive pose for him!”

I pushed her shoulders back. “No.” I stated firmly.

She pursed her lips. “Strip tease?”

“Hanji, no. I’d prefer to have clothes on.”  Armin was snickering. I shot him the deadliest glare I could muster before Hanji had my attention again.

“Take him out on a boat, like a pond area, and make sweet love to him.” She wiggled her brows.

I groaned. This wasn’t going anywhere.

“Hanji, do you know where in this store I could find some good historical books?” Armin asked her.

Hanji all but jumped him. “Yes! I buy historical books here all the time! I’ll show you my favorite aisle!” Hanji clasped Armin's hand, dragging him along. “Titans! Titans! Titans!” Hanji kept chanting in maniacal draul.

I silently thanked Armin. He really did know me from the inside out.

Petra elbowed my side. “You got a smart, and really good friend there. Lord knows Hanji would only make you lose your sanity.”

I nodded, going down another aisle. Suddenly the flowers seemed to be my best option.

“You know Eren, Levi would love anything you got for him. All he’d see is that you took your time and effort to find something for him.” Petra told me.

I sighed. “I just want to be more, I don’t know, fucking creative? He deserves that much.”

She stopped abruptly. Tilting her head to the side, a smile filled her face. “I’m so glad he found you.” Petra told me.

My heart jumped. Levi’s words echoing in my head.

 _‘I never knew I could_ _love someone.’_

I nodded shyly. “I’m glad he found me.”

Petra kept telling me ideas as we moved down the rows. I tried to listen but my focus was all trained on finding the perfect gift. When I was sure to about and give up, a flash of gold caught my eye. I picked through till I found it. A golden brass key. It felt heavy in my palm, there was a chain connected to the loop at the top. A necklace. I turned the key in my hand to find writing engraved into the metal.

_‘Seulement toi’_

I wasn’t sure, but something told me that was French. Petra looked over my shoulder to see what I was so occupied with.

She smiled bright. “Oh, he’ll definitely love that. It’s French. It means, ‘only you’.” Petra told me, patting my back.

I looked at the engravement again before taking it off of the rack. This was it. I’d get him this. Petra was stilling smiling and I realized I was smiling too.

Before checking out I decided to go ahead and buy red roses, seeming to be perfected with the key. Armin was genuinely impressed in my choice of gift, Hanji even squealed.

Parting ways from the girls, I let Armin drive me back to Trost. I had a tux in the very back of my closet that needed a good dusting but Levi had told me it’d be a formal event, his way of telling me to dress nicer than usual. My hair had grown back almost to it’s original length, so parting it seemed out of the question. I’d probably slick it back.

“We’re here.” Armin told me, pulling my out of my thoughts. I thanked him before heading into Trost. Riding the elevator up to my floor, I fumbled with the key to my apartment that didn’t feel like mine anymore. It was so empty and still. The only one still truly occupying it was mom.

Speaking of mom, I strode to her room, switching on the lamp as I did so. She was pale, her forehead damp in sweat. A shrill of panic was pumping in me. I searched her vitals scan but the numbers were just above their usual. I went to her bathroom, wetting down a rag with cool water. I placed it on her forehead after wringing it out. I dabbed at her face, hoping to cool down her fever. I went to the fridge, switching the bag of water. I knew this was the little amount I could do for her. Then I remembered her oxygen tank. I hadn’t used it yet but her breaths were uneven and shallow, I went for the face mask for her oxygen. The doctor once told that I’d have to use it eventually. When she was unable to breathe on her own. After settling the mask, I sat there for a second, taking her hand in my own.

“Mom.” I tried to speak around the lump in my throat but it merely came out as a strangled noise. “Should I really be out, when you’re here suffering?”

I knew deep down, mom would have scolded me for sitting around in the apartment. But I felt with a certain unjustification that I was neglecting her. She was dying yet I was out, living a life she couldn’t. What did that make me? A shitty son? I honestly didn’t know. I was selfish, for the fact that I _didn’t_ want to be around watching her die. And for the first time ever, I realized with little clarity why Mikasa couldn’t bare to sit around either.

I wasn’t going to leave. No, I wasn’t a coward but sitting in this empty and dark apartment when I knew, _knew,_ mom would want better for me. I wanted to live when she couldn’t. Yet, the dark parts of my mind wanted to wallow along with my mother. It made no sense, in reality. I couldn’t fixate my mind to let it go. I knew Levi would notice it eventually. I was stuck between wanting live and or to die along with my mom. Because no matter how you looked at it, when she lefted, there would undoubtedly be a part of me dying with her. She was my mother. Even if I had grown accustomed to taking care of myself, her presence was still something I craved, always.

I wanted to scream in frustration. What the fuck did she do to deserve such an unrightly death? What did I do to lose my mom?

I left mom’s room feeling a sinking sensation in my stomach. Going to my room with low abasement than before, I tried to shrug it off. This wasn’t about me. Tonight was about Levi receiving his award, though he likes to remind me the he could care less.

I rummaged through my closet till I found my suit. I dusted it off, then going for my phone to let Levi know I was showering then I’d be up there. Before turning the shower on I went downstairs for a drink. My throat had been dry from fighting the urge to cry. Damn emotions.

After a ten minute shower, I filled into the sleeves of the shirt, the material thin enough to see my faded summer tan. After dressing in the pants, I disregarded the jacket; a vest seemed more fit. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, using some hair spray to keep my now slicked back hair to a stick. I noticed with a fascination that I had a hint of stubble. It went from my chin to my jaw. I decided against shaving, finding that my manhood appeasing me to no ends.  

After gathering Levi’s key and roses, I grabbed my wallet and keys to lock the door. I made a fast transport to Levi’s apartment, using his key to twist the knob open. The running of water indicated that Levi must have been in the shower. I had gotten a box to put the brass key in, aligning it with a set of roses. Plopping down on the couch, I snatched the remote to flip through some channels. It was a little passed six, the sun already beginning to set. I watched what I believed to be NCIS, the reporters working on a murder case on the glowing screen. I barely paid much attention to it, letting my eyes drift to a close.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since I had arrived but the sound of Levi’s low voice brought me back from my reverie.

“Damn, maybe we should dress you in a tie more often. I could get used to it.”

I tilted my head on the couch to look back at him and no matter how many times I’d look at him, he always found a way to take my breath away. There he stood, thighs nicely shaped in black slack, his lean body fitting comfortably in his shirt and suit jacket. He looked fine. But it wasn’t his outfit that really set my heart anew beat. It was the fact he too, had his hair slicked back in a perfect look of motion. His eyes were wyly, most likely from his reluctance for attending this shit.   

“Damn.” I said, standing to walk over to him. He looked me over with a knowing smirk. I touched the white piece at his throat.

“Why a cravat? Not that I’m complaining, but most people go for ties, right?” I murmured, running thumb along one of the creases.

“I’m not everyone.” Levi muttered back, before flicking my nose.

A hint of a smile pulled at my lips. “That’s right. You’re special.”

Levi sighed, as if my tactics were putting him out, really. “Is that so wrong?” He asked, a bemused smirk still plastered on his face, not doubt noticing my stare on his lips.

Snaking an arm around my waist, Levi brought my body against his chiseled one. “Now tell me how the hell I am suppose to keep my hands to myself when your ass in those tight pants?” Levi squeezed my ass as if to prove his point.

I set my hands on his shoulders before he had me completely distracted. “I have something for you.” I said.

Levi arched a perfect brow. “Oh?”

I nodded sheepishly, before prying his arm away to go back around the couch, gathering his roses and the box in my arms. Bringing it to him, I felt my cheeks color with a chrisom I couldn’t keep away.

“Ah, I know you’ve already received a lot of gifts. But here’s mine.” I said, outstretching my hand to give him the box and roses. “Congratulations on winning the award, Levi.”

His eyes seemed startled, looking both at the box and the roses. Then a small, very faint smile twitched at his lips. He set the roses on the corner table next to us.

“Did you get me socks?” He teased, and I knew he’d been thinking that. Damn it.

“Just open it.” I snapped, rolling my eyes at him.

Levi did as I asked. He opened the box and pulling the brass key out of it. He scrutinized the key, narrowing his eyes as he turned in it his hand. Then his eyes widened when they found the engravement.

 _“Seulement toi.”_ Levi spoke the foreign language. “Do you know what this means, Eren?”

“Yes.” I said with finality. I clasped the hand that was holding the key, looking down at our joint hands before staring into his eyes. “Only you, Levi.”

His jaw clenched, his eyes showing vasts of emotions it looked painful. “Damn you, brat. Always making me feel, that’s all you’ve done since I met your ass.”  

Levi shook his head as if I offended him. I was stilling trying to derail if this was a good reaction or not. Levi was chewing on his lip, his grip tightening on my hand.

“Put it on me, brat.” He ordered with significance that wasn’t in the least disappointed.

I took the brass key into my hand, angling it around and over the crown of his head. It swung loosely around his neck. Then I was being yanked down for a kiss, long and sweet. It was a bit different from the rest. This one pure, no tongue or grabbing at each other’s clothes. It was innocent yet filled with a wanton passion. Levi was the first to break away, cupping my face in his hands to rest his forehead against my own.

“Thank you.” He breathed, those simple words made my heart swell.

I kissed his lips once more before we both got our things, heading down to the lobby and out of Trost. We sat in comfortable silence as we headed to the hotel where Levi would be making his speech.

Levi had soft music playing in the car and the language was not of English. “You listen to french too?” I asked shyly.

He nodded before singing softly with the next line.

“ _Oh ma douce souffrance_ . _Pourquoi s’acharner tu recommence.”_

Levi continued the simple melody while I stared at him in awe.

_“Je ne suis qu’un etre sans importance. Sans lui je suis un peu paro.”_

The song went on and he kept the tune as if he’d been doing it his whole life. The way he moved his lips, speaking the foreign language struck my eyes to his moving jaw, my ears melting in the sweet tune.

_“Je remue le ciel, le jour, la nuit. Je danse avec le vent, la pluie. Un peu d’amour, un brin de miel. Et je danse, danse, danse, danse, danse. Et dans le bruit, je cours et j’ai peur. Est ce mon tour? Vient la douleur.”_

Levi drew out the last note as we found ourselves a parking spot. I was still staring at him wide eyed. My mouth was watering and I was fighting the urge to drool. Noticing my gawking expression, Levi busted out laughing. His eyes were crinkling, his face crinkled up in the expression of pure amusement. Whatever face I was wearing was enough to make him laugh like this, I’d keep it forever.

“You look like you’re about to drool.” Levi breathed after coming down off his fits of laughter.

I scowled. “It’s your fault for being too perfect.”

Levi looked at me as if I’d gone mad, and maybe I had. Damn him for being perfect. Two fingers hooked under my chin, forcing me to turn my head to look at him.

“I’m far from perfect, brat.” He said, his breath tingling my lips. He gave me one more look before shifting out of the car.

I followed him towards a well lit building, the hotel. The place was stories high, filled with soft music you could hear when close enough. Going through the glass doors, Levi lead me through the crowds of elegant people, dressed in the finest clothes of New York. We spotted Erwin first, then an annoyed looking Rico following behind him.

“Levi! What took you so long?” Erwin shook my hand as we reached them, Rico nodding at me as a greeting.

“My reluctance to be here, Erwin.” Levi answered him, an icy edge in his tone. Erwin, however, was used to this.

“Well, hurry up, the stage awaits you.” He gestured to the red lighten curtains, the stadium from where he’d be speaking.

“Oh goodie.” Levi narrowed his eyes at the stage as if it was his enemy before turning to me. “Stay with these two and I’ll find you when I’m finished.”

I nodded, watching his retreating form. Rico nudged my side.

“So, I heard from a little birdie that you and shortie sadist were fucking.” She said, ever so bluntly.

My jaw clenched, while my cheeks blazed.

“Rico.” Erwin chided her, but she was too caught up in laughing at my face.

The big blonde sighed, before he asked us to follow him to some seats in the auditorium. Much to my albigde, I followed needlessly. Rico was still smirking at me with a smug expression but I tried to ignore it. Damn it, probably everyone knew now.  

“So, why didn’t Petra and Hanji come?” I asked Erwin once we were seated. I felt that those two would be the first to jump to applaud Levi.

Erwin set me with a stare before answering. “Usually, only certain people on a certain list are allowed to show to these sort of outings. Unfortunately, our companies’s other authors don’t make the list and well, outsiders don’t either.”

My brows furrowed. “Then why I am allowed access then?”

Rico answered before Erwin could. “Because Levi requested it. Can’t really deny the man who is receiving the award.”

My eyes felt wide, but the cheering of the crowd took my mind elsewhere. Levi wasn’t vibrant on this stage. Nor did he seem unhappy. More, well, fake. He stood up there with a fake smile, fake cheery posture, fake waves to the crowds. I knew he couldn’t see me, it was too dark to tell me apart from the others but Levi’s head stayed turned in my direction throughout his approach to the ballot.

“Thank you all for taking your time to come see me tonight.” Levi started. “I want to say that if it wasn’t for your support than none of my work would be able to go through. I’ve come a long way since starting this career and am happy to be here tonight to answer any questions or comments I receive.” He continued in his fake voice.

I turned to Rico and pointed at the man that was _not_ Levi. “Who the hell is that?” I whispered.

Rico seemed amused at my reaction. “That, honey, is being an adult.”

My face fell as I turned to a Levi that wasn’t Levi. As the speech went on, I was ready to rip the mask he had everyone fooling in. I wanted to rip out my hair. This was beyond unbelievable. Did anyone really buy his shit?

“Calm down, he’s faking everything.” Rico hissed over at me. I heard Erwin chuckle besides me. “It’s almost over anyways.

Thankfully it was. The crowd applauded as Levi made his departure. People began to file out of the room for more champagne and foods. I walked behind Rico and Erwin, more than ready to leave. It made sense why Levi despised these things.

A hand on my shoulder made me jump but I turned to see it was just Levi.

“Let’s hit this shit.” He said, his eyes scowling at the crowds of people by the front door.

He snatched my hand, turning me in the direction towards the stage. I realized with relief there was an exit sign there. We busted through the damn door, looking left and right for his car before we found it.

“That was bullshit.” I said once we were on the road.

Levi just laughed. “Figured you’d say something like that.”

“No, seriously that was bullshit.”

“Always is.” Levi agreed.

“Bullshit.” I repeated.

Once we were back home, I felt drained and wanted nothing more than to strip and cuddle with Levi in bed. He unlocked the door, settling our stuff inside with a relieved sigh.

“And that is why I hate socializing.” He confirmed as we kicked off our shoes.

“Bullshit.” I said for the upteenth time.

I snatched his wrist, pulling him back towards his bedroom. He let me strip him of everything except boxers as he did the same for me. I held the key I’d bought him for a moment before setting it back on his chest. Crawling into the warm sheets of the comforters, I let Levi be the big spoon while I the small. I sighed in contentment.

But the I remembered my mother. I remembered she was suffering downstairs while I laid here peaceful. My shoulders tensed with the weight of guilt I felt again. Levi noticed.

“What’s wrong?” he broke the silence.

“Nothing.” I mutter into his bicep.

“Bullshit.” Levi mocked me.

“Ugh, just go to sleep.”

“Not till you say what’s on your mind.” Levi pressed.

I knew he wouldn’t give in and I didn’t know why I was keeping it from him.

“I feel guilty, okay?” I blowed. “Mom is suffering death every day and what am I doing? Living. I’m fucking living, Levi. I should be with her, be by her side yet I’m too damn selfish. I don’t want to sit there and watch her waste away. I want to be doing something but nothing feels right. Why should I get to live when she’s dying. I’m a shitty son.” I buried my face into the crook of his arm, my breaths coming out as puffs.

“It’s not fair.” I croaked. “It’s not fucking fair to her.”

Levi’s arms tightened around me. I knew he wasn’t good with words, and I actually found the silence comforting.

But Levi never left things unfinished.

“Eren, don’t tell me for one goddamn second you think that’s what she’d want you to feel. I know it’s hard not to be feeling so fucking guilty but you’re doing what you can in this life. You’re not running away, you’re not being selfish. Fuck, if you were selfish you’d be blaming yourself for it. This, what you’re doing now, that has to be what she wants for you.”

I couldn’t agree. But I also couldn’t disagree. So I turned in his arms, burying my face in his chest.

“Please just hold me.” I whispered.

Levi’s arms tightened in a possessive grip.

 ~~~~"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have much to say.  
> Did you guys like the chapter?  
> I hope so, cause my butt is now very, very numb.


	17. Tensions upon releasing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update time!  
> I'd like to address something, however.  
> If something you find in this story should have been in the tags, please instead of being rude, tell me nicely. Rude comments suck, I take it way better when a comment is more of a tip. So please refrain from being rude, if you don't mind. Not that I'm sensitive, but being told about what you 'can't stand' in a fic is annoying point blank. 
> 
> I dunno when I'll get another chance to update again, but I want you all to know the rest of the course in this story might be a little bumpy. This chapter is a basic calmish before the storm. It was always going to come, and unfortunately, it's the way to go. But alas! I will be starting a fanfic where there shouldn't be as nearly as tense.  
> Hope you guys enjoy! 
> 
> As always, come find me on instagram @ / ereri_ackerman

It’d been a whole month plus some since me and Levi had been together. Now in February, there was a tension I hadn’t noticed at first.

It hadn’t vaguely occurred to me that Levi would ever feel the need to hide something from me. He was too blunt and right to the point with shit.

Or so I thought he was.

If it wasn’t snapping at me for futile things, it was purely ignoring. But the only thing my mind could conjure up as to what Levi’s behavior was from could possibly be that I had taken up on another part-time job, one that pays. And while I’d finally gotten to a senior that only had to showed to only a few classes per day, my newer job had me on my feet more than often. I had little to no time outside of my two occupations I’d taken up on. I still ran back forth between Trost and the publishing office for Levi’s errands even though he was way more lenient with me since I first started working under him.

So maybe it was because I didn’t have more time for… us?

I didn’t know. The wall was forged between us like it had been when we first met. I’d lessen the calls I tried to make to him, feeling sickly rejected. He’d let me sleep with him still, but our comfort zone with each other was slowly diminishing. I felt if I tried to move onto him he’d snap. I really had no idea what to do about it.

Both of us too stubborn to make a move to talk about the tensions, I for one couldn’t mentally function my brain around trying to figure out what was going on through Levi’s head. It was hard enough, watching and waiting on the numbers of my mother’s scan going back and forth between normal and below average.

I thought he knew that.

I slowed my pace. I was walking back from my job at a convenient store right by Trost. My paychecks had doubled since starting there, just in the little month I’d been working so that was a plus. I thought things were going good. I had gotten all my grades up, surprisingly. I had most my credits. I had two damn part time jobs that were both supporting me fundamentally and financially.

At this point I should be saying that me and Levi were better than ever. But that wasn’t the case.

I blowed down on my frigid hands. The snow fell around me as the sun set in the east, I placed lightly on that cold abandoned sidewalk. I decided if he was still ignoring me when I got there, I’d say something. I was tired of trudging around Levi as if one thin, thin ice.

Riding the elevator up to his condo once in Trost I felt a cold sweat move down my spine. I didn’t want to make things worse but I didn’t want not speaking to each other to be a norm kind of thing. I wouldn’t have that kind of life with Levi.

I unlocked the door of his apartment, kicking my snowed fed shoes off by the mat. Levi was sitting on the couch flipping through channels with a look of concentration as if the TV wasn’t what he was looking at the screen itself. I decided on the recliner not to far from him. He didn’t acknowledge me but this time I was sure it was because of whatever thought he was holding.

I sighed once.

Still nothing.

I sighed louder.

Nothing.

I sighed so fucking loud it went through my nose and out through my mouth causing me a fit of coughs.

I looked up and was _relieved_ to receive his signature glare.

“What the fuck are you trying to do? Inhale air?”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t say you already inhaled air as it was. Cause that’d get me nowhere unfortunately.

I wasn’t going to beat around the bush. I was done with that.

“What the fuck’s been up your ass, Levi?” I snapped, my frustration at him building.

His icy incredulous stare didn’t faze me anymore. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” He said, tone even and cold.

“The hell you don’t!” I raised my voice at him for the first time. His eyes widen at my outburst but I kept trudging through.

“You’ve been distant. What’s up with that? Let me in to shut me out? Well, sorry to break it to you, but that’s not how relationships work. Not ours. If it’s not something it’s another with you. Why do you keep ignoring me? For fucks sakes, I haven’t even _touched_ you in a good two weeks!

And fuck you, Levi! I already have my mom on my mind 24/7 to worry about yet now I’m suppose to deal with your bullshit too? That’s not fucking fair. Do not be a Mikasa, Levi. I’ve already dealt with that and out of all the people I know, I thought at least _you_ would get that. What the actual hell?”

My breathing was labored from my shouting but I didn’t care. I thought he’d have the decency to have more sensitivity for me considering he knew everything about me now. I didn’t hold anything. Not anymore. I loved him. Immensely and profoundly. There was nothing stopping that but I couldn’t take distance he forged between us. I needed his contact, his few words.

Levi just stared at me with the blankest face. I scowled at him, loosing any and all patience. I turned, going for my jacket. I needed out. I felt suffocated and honestly, I didn’t want to see that blankness. As if he couldn’t understand where I was coming from.

And I would have just left if it weren’t for the sudden grip on my shoulder that stopped me. I didn’t turn around. I didn’t speak.

“I’m sorry, I fucked up.” I heard Levi’s voice speak sullenly.

I halted my stance, signaling to him he had my attention. He seemed to mulling over his words.

“I’ve been requested for a conference in Pennsylvania for two weeks coming this weekend.”

My eyes widen but I didn’t say anything. This was all news to me.

I heard Levi’s sigh. “What I’m trying to say is… I haven’t been trying to ignore you. I hadn’t even fucking considered how you’d look at that. It’s just I had no fucking clue how to tell you. Two weeks seems so long to me. Anything could happen… in just two damn weeks…” Levi trailed off, his grip tightening on my shoulder.

I didn’t even need to ask what he meant by two weeks. I understood. I turned in his grasp, snaking my arms around his waist. Finally touching him sent a relieved sigh through the both of us.

“Levi.” I started, making sure he understood that his insecurities weren’t something for him to worry about. It made sense, for him to be insecure. I mean he chased after Erwin for almost two years for a horrid rejection. That’d make anyone insecure.

“I don’t think you understand. I love you. Two weeks? That’s nothing. I’ll annoy the fuck out of you because I’ll call every damn day you’re away. I’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, Levi, _we’ll_ be fine. Do you doubt me so?”

I asked for more my closure than anything else. But Levi shook his head into my shoulder all the less. Which was comforting.

“I don’t even know why I’m so worried… I even made you stress shit out on top of everything else. Shit, I’m sorry, Eren.”

I shook my head. “I’m just relieved you’re not leaving me.” I said.

Levi’s eyes snapped to mine. “What? Why the hell would you think that?”

“Levi, you spent good few weeks ignoring me, I mean I get that you couldn't figure out how to tell me but seriously, you had me questioning everything.”

Levi heaved through his nose pinching the bridge. “I’m such a shitty boyfriend.”  

I rolled my eyes. “You’re only shitty when you’re taking a shit.”

Levi set me with a funny look. “That makes zero fucking sense.”

I nodded in agreement before he laughed. I laughed too because it felt good to get the tensions out of the way. They’d been building up and up and now I was finally relieving of them, thankfully.

It wasn’t long till Levi was cupping my face, nibbling at my lower lip. I let out a soft sound when he tugged my lip between his teeth. He kissed me, tongue prodding for access inside with a possessive need. I allowed, feeling his heated tongue slip and twine with mine.

Levi pushed me till my back hit a wall, any wall, as we explored each others mouths. I was loosing any battle of keeping my knees locks, downright skittering to the floor when Levi flicked his tongue. He straddled my hips, pulling my face closer, more closer than it already was. His knee nudged into the crotch of my jeans causing me to break away with a gasped. I was so hard it hurt. And Levi seemed to understand this as he grinded his knee into the part of me that ached the most, lips attaching to my neck.

“Levi…” I whispered but it came out as a strangled moan. Bringing my hands to his wrists holding my face, I forced him to look at me.

“Make love to me.” I whispered out of breath.

He answered by kissing me again, more tender and slow. As if he were trying to memorize the way I felt. His lips left mine, kissing down my chin, down my jaw right to where my pulse was hammering. Levi’s lips set a fire trailing through my body with every spot of skin they touched.

My hands found their way into the backside of his shirt, feeling Levi’s sculpted form. I scratched up every time his tongue got lower to my collarbone, needing to feel more. I felt his hands move up my side beneath my shirt, sending shivers down my spine. Realization he was tugging on my shirt, I sat up so he could pull the material over my head. Once free of the fabric, Levi made no wasted time to kiss and flick his tongue on every part of my chest.

“W-wait.” I managed. My back was aching from trying to keep myself upright.

I hadn’t realized it before but Levi had a fire going in the fireplace, right in the living area. “Go get a blanket, lube and a condom?” I asked him quietly.

He set me with a lust-filled stare before going to fulfill my request. I stood, stretching with my chest bare. It was warm by the fireplace so I sat and watched the flames licking up against the mantel. I heard soft footsteps behind me and before I had a chance to turn around, Levi was holding my back to his chest. He kissed the shell of my ear before going to lay out the blanket.

After I settled on my back on the soft fleece of a blanket, I looked up at Levi who was removing his shirt. I helped him out of his jeans, along with his boxers. After he was exposed he went for the rest of my clothes. When we were both bare, Levi tugged me up to hug me tightly. I embraced him back, feeling his skin against my own.

“Eren…” Levi breathed my name, and I felt the feeling drowning, in mixture of lust and the need to express him everything I had to offer.

The feather light kisses sent down my chest had me squirming in place in anticipation. Levi was taking his time, unravelling my in utter excitement. I was ready for him, I needed him as he needed me. Levi kissed down my navel, dipping his tongue with a swirl. His lips broke away from my skin to apply an abundance amount of lube onto his fingers, I watched his forefinger and thumb swipe together in one sensual movement.  

One prodding finger at my entrance, however, was all it took to make my body stiffen. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Levi. It was more I didn’t trust my body’s reactions. I will admit, it scared me to some extent of not knowing what was coming. Levi sensed this.

“Trust me?” He asked.

I stared into his eyes. I knew without a doubt that Levi would take care of me. I nodded.

And with that Levi slipped one single digit into me. I squirmed at the foreign invasion. The feeling sent a burn but it didn’t hurt in the least. After pumping the single finger in me with no complaints, Levi slipped in a second, stretching me wider.

I grew used to the steady pump of Levi’s fingers, not feeling much anything else. Not until he curved his finger in a beckoning motion, his fingertips brushing against a spot that had a sharp cry tearing from my lips, my back arching up. Once my back settled down, I realized with little astonishment, I’d rutted down against Levi’s fingers, not two but three now.

“Do that again.” I breathed, fascinated a prostate alone could make me come off a high with a few licks of fingertips.

Levi chuckled, breathless and husky. His fingers once again brushed against the bundle of nerves that set a whole new meaning to pleasure. In the ecstasy of it all, my throat burned and I recognized it as the scratchiness of screaming. My cheeks burned and by the amused look Levi was basking in, I knew I must have been loud.

But he was already tearing at the condom package, applying it to his member. After spouting some lube on, he positioned himself at my entrance, head nudging in. I prepared myself, staring into his eyes as he began to slowly find himself inside me. The burning sensations of being stretched apart didn’t inflict as much pain as I thought but I hadn’t swallowed his larger length yet. Levi slid his fingers into my hands above my head, our fingers intertwining as Levi thrusted up all the way in me.

“Levi… it hurts.” I gasped aback a bit at the full on burning sensation of being aparted.

He nodded into the crook of my neck, angling his hips in a slanted curve. With a swift motion of pulling out, he jerked his hips forward, his cock brushing up against my prostate. I grasped Levi’s shoulders, scratching up his back as he made slow, loving, and passionate love to me.

His hips sped to a newer pace at my cries, the pleasure filling me up like a glass. He kept our hands joint the entire time, keeping his head buried in the crook of my neck.

“Shit… Eren, you’re so tight.” Levi whispered into my ear, his own cry leaving his lips when I subconsciously squeezed my ass together.

I was coming undone right in his arms and nothing could make it more beautiful. Our sweat was mixed together, the glow of the flames besides us shadowing our bodies with a radiant glow. I chanted Levi’s name like a prayer, feeling the heat in my naval constrict with muscle. He kept hitting the bundle of nerves deep in my hilt with each sensual roll of his hips.

I couldn’t hold it anymore, I was genuinely surprised I lasted this long. With one shaky moan, I came, spilling my seed with such a reeling climax my vision edged with white while the whole room was spinning around me. I must had been clenching my ass again, because Levi only thrusted a few more strokes before he let out a loud moan, releasing all at once before he collapsed on top of me, panting along with my uneven breathes.

Thankfully, Levi always kept a spare blanket under the coffee table. I reached for it, covering our heaving bodies. It wasn’t cold but once the high rolled away I knew Levi would be cold. He was always cold. So I wrapped my arms around his middle, burying my face in his chest. Once we regained our breaths, I looked up at him to see his steel blue eyes staring down at me. I smiled, because he had even been remotely concerned about being gone for so long would change anything.

“You’re home.” I whispered, the exhaustion taking over as my lids grew heavy. “So, please come back to me.”

I felt his arms tighten their usual ways. I couldn’t tell, the fatigue so deeply embedded but I was sure I’d heard a:

“To think I had any doubts.”

Before the darkness enclosed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi not being there for two weeks. Bad or good?  
> Hmmm, stick around to find out. 
> 
> XD holy shit, I was like one of the endings of a kiddie show. 
> 
> I have a feeling you guys might have to hate me for bit for the upcoming poop. But it's okay. It'll be worth the poop. 
> 
> Also, Levi was seme, yaaaaay. (Secretly loves uke Levi more) Sweet, Sweet love making Levi. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed the end fluffy smut.


	18. Loss of a Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update!  
> I'll be frank and say I've been stalling cause I started 'The Future Diary' and uh, that anime fucked me up. Just saying.  
> This chapter's got some funny Jean moments. I love Jean so much. It's got a surprise. And it's got crude texting from the boys.  
> How I love writing this fic. I wish I was bit more creative but for everyone that deals with my bullshit, thank you, I fucking love you.  
> Also, I REALLY want to draw the part where Eren gives Levi the key. But my drawing skills are shit. Total shit.  
> This fic is also based on recovering, I'd like the let you all know. So I have no clue how long it will be.  
> Okay, I'm done for now.  
> Read ahead, my lovelies.

Saying goodbye wasn’t something I was truly accustomed too.

Sure my mom was dying in the other room of my apartment but she wasn't _dead_ yet.

Armin was quite literal, always there. Our goodbyes consisted of, ‘bye, I’ll see you tomorrow.’

I never had to say goodbye to my father, for reasons I was too young to remember and he never gave anyone that choice. _‘Fucking bastard.’_

Mikasa, I had been to enraged with at the time to feel any remorse over her departure, though I was beginning to, unwillingly. It hadn’t felt like a goodbye to me.

And those were quite simply, the people I ever interacted with in my life. So why was it so damn painful to be standing alone watching the plane rise into the air, taking the one person who understood me with it?

Rhetorical question.

On the other had, before Levi’s adieu, I’m 99.9% sure that he made a public show of trying to eat my face to make _Armin’s_ face turn into a fucking tomato. Not that I’m complaining.

“Don’t miss me too much, kid.” His breathed words still lingered on my lips.

I _was_ going to miss him. It was fucking shit.

Riding in Armin’s car now, I knew he could sense I was irritable. “How bout we round up the gang and go eat pizza?” He suggested.

I watched the blurred skyscrapers pass by and decided not to object to the idea. It wasn’t like I had much else to do.

Armin got to calling some of our closer classmates, and they all settled on bowling and pizza. I stayed silent, my finger kept twitching to my phone, the urge to text Levi becoming overwhelming. I hoped he knows I wasn’t kidding when I said I was going to annoy the fuck out of him with calls and texts. I very well planned to do so, but texting him all of thirty minutes after his departure seemed a bit extreme. But who was I to care?

I grunted when the car jerked to a stop. “Gotta work better on parking without fucking killing, Armin.” I muttered.

A flick to my cheek was not expected and was not appreciated.

“Scold me later, Jaeger. Get your moping ass out the car.” Armin chided before slamming his door shut.

I followed after him. It’d been awhile since I’d been bowling. Maybe middle school? Shit, I felt old. I even forgot you had to put on those sliding shoes too. I always had a tendency to slip and fall on my ass cause I’d get too close to the lane when I was a thirteen. Tendency usually meant purposely. I liked slipping and sliding. I liked moving when I was a kid.

We met Krista and Ymir, along with Sasha and Connie at the register. As Armin and I drew closer I heard a sharp intake of breath that had my eyes snapping to Armin. His eyes were focused ahead, to what I scrutinized Jean, laughing his ass off at something someone said. That someone, however, was Marco.

Marco?

I turned my head to Armin who was making his damndest to focus all his energy on paying the cashier. I instantly felt the urge to shove Jean into the wall. What the hell was he thinking, bringing his ex in front of Armin?

Armin could detect my sense of flinging Jean to the fucking moon, setting a hand on my shoulder; he didn’t want a scene. I sighed, figuring Armin could take care of his dense boyfriend. When the idiot spotted us he gestured to a table where we could all sit. We followed after Connie and Sasha as Ymir and Krista took a seat in the middle of the booth.

The tension in Armin’s arms were there but for the most part, he was relatively good at covering up his emotions. It was an impressive feat to me, considering I’d be livid at Jean if I was in Armin’s place.

Maybe that was just me though.

The pizza looked esculent enough, grabbing a piece to stuff into my mouth, watching as Sasha took the first turn. Marco hadn’t just showed up alone, he had his girlfriend Minna with him. So were horseface and Marco trying to be at friends again? I narrowed my eyes at the arm around Armin’s shoulder then to the man it belonged to. Jean caught my stare, settling me with an impudent look I wanted to stomp on.

“Is Jaeger still brooding cause his lover left him?” Jean asked too loudly.

“He’ll be back.” I muttered defensively, not sure why I let his comment get to me. I saw Armin elbow his saide, shutting him up.

No one had commented on Marco’s presence. Not that anyone would, Marco was like a big sweet teddy bear the bawled like a baby when he broke the news to Jean. I guess they were really trying to give being ‘friends’ a shot. I knew Armin was thinking this too, because he visibly relaxed as the night wore on.

Sasha made a spare, skipping up to Connie for his turn. “Watch n’ learn, pansies.” Connie smirked a big game, saughting up to the ball pit, picking up one I watched as he eyed the goal. A big swing of his arm and released the ball. As soon as the damn thing made contact with the ground, it went tumbling for the gutter.

Connie sputtered and Sasha howled with laughter. “What the hell was that, babe?”

Ignoring her, he tried again and managed the fall of two pins. I tried not to laugh at the sullied look he wore back to the table. Krista was next and managed a full five pins. Then another five, earning her a spare.

“That’s my woman.” Ymir grinned down at Krista, while she rolled her eyes. Ymir scored a strike, no surprise. Her reflexes were deadly.

I didn’t pay attention to the rest, looming down at my cell. I wasn’t lonely, exactly. Just realizing that I had no one waiting for me when I got home was kind of depressing.

Armin was pressing his index finger into my shoulder. “Your turn.” He told me softly.

I shrugged off and got up, grasping my fingers in the three holes before aiming. I eyed the middle pin, swinging my arm back before releasing. I watched, I waited. I hit every single one. I made a strike.

A herd of whoops came from behind me but I just stared as the pins were swept away and a new set lowered.

“Eren?” I heard Armin call my name.

I blinked. Then went and sat down. Some sort of deja vu had settled over me in that instant and I couldn’t place it. I could feel Armin’s eyes on me but I gave him a reassuring smile.

Jean went after me and, I swear, he can’t do anything right to save his life. The dumbass got too close to the lane when he swung his arm back, skidding across the silk grounds, falling back on his ass.

I busted out laughing at that. Somehow seeing Jean scrambling up from his ass sent any unsettling sensations in me out the window. Jean fumed in his place, glaring at me as I tried to catch my breath.

“Just fucking… shut up, Jaeger!” Jean shouted at me, a few glancing scowls from the tables over were sent in his direction. He acted like they were invisible. His face was red when he came up to the table, giving Armin the rest of his turn. I smirked over at him.

“Don’t pout.” I said.

“I’m not fucking pouting. Shut up.” He pointed his fork at me in a supposed threatening way.

I raised my eyebrow giving him an, ‘are-you-seriously-threatening-me-with-a-fork?’ look.

“Yes I fucking am.” Jean answering flatly.

And that only makes me laugh again. Which pisses him off. Connie and Sasha join in too. Krista lets out a giggle and Ymir cracks a grin. Marco laughs along with the rest of us, Minna smiling with slight confusion.

“Thanks, Jean.” I say, whipping at my eye. “I needed that.”

He seems to understand the meaning of my words as Armin comes and sits down next to him. There’s an understanding between the three of us and I can’t help but think I’ve never truly disliked Jean. He gets boundaries.

 _‘But he better not pull anything with Marco or I’ll end him.’_ I vowed silently.

The rest of the night goes light and convivial. It was a nice distraction. Precisely why Armin suggested it, I can’t help but think. It was past ten p.m. now. Everyone was starting to get their things, grumbling that I _shouldn’t_ have been the winner. I only got one spare. The rest where strikes. I hadn’t realized I had a tact for bowling.

Armin drove me home, I bidded him and Jean night, before leaving to the lobby. When I stepped through the doors the first thing I noticed was the man waiting right by the elevators. He must had been in his late forties cause his face was wrinkled with age and sleep deprivation. The man’s hair was longer, pulled back into a ponytail but it isn’t his appearance that struck familiarity in me. It was the moment his eyes met mine that I recognized them from somewhere. The wrinkles around his eyes couldn’t make the color of them any less unique nor could the under eye bags. And then it hit me.

That color. I found that color every time I looked in the mirror. The teal, green but blue look. The glint was there. It was all there.

I didn’t say anything. His eyes narrowed at me, taking in my face speculatively before softening.

“Eren? Is that you, my boy?” The man asked in a deep voice.

No. I never wanted to meet him. Never wanted to see him. Never wanted anything to do with him. Mom had always seemed to want to justify his absence but I wasn’t about it. At anything, her stories just told me he gave up and left. A long time ago. So why the hell was he here now?    

“Who are you?” I asked but I knew. I knew who this bastard was.

He took a step closer, hand clutching the bag he held. Looking down, obviously mulling over his words but there wasn’t anything to think about.

“I know you may not remember me, I don’t expect you to. But, I’m your father, Eren.”

“Don’t say my name with such care.” I spat. Anger was building up. Why the fuck was he here?

The man that was my father looked unfazed. “I know you must blame me for a lot of things. You have every right to-”

“Damn straight.” I clenched my jaw, glowering at him.

“But just hear me out.” He continued, voice calm,

I stood in stony silence. He took this as a sign to continue.

“While you may not want anything to do with me, I had to come. I heard of your mother’s condition. I- I didn’t know. I’m a poor excuse for a father but I want you to know I always cared for Carla. I freaked out when she told me she was pregnant with you. I wasn’t _ready_ to be a father. But she was ready to be a mother. So I left. I was scared. I was scared to fail you and her. So I left like a coward, leaving her an abundance of money but nothing else. I just wanted to pay my respects.”

He held out the bag to me. I looked down at it warily. Opening to bag I was greeted with a bundle of money.

“Way to be sentimental. Fuck you.” I said this calmly, tossing the bag at him. “I don’t need your money or your charity.”

He looked startled. I narrowed my eyes into slits. “Sad thing is,” I muttered fruitlessly, “I don’t even know your _name_. So do me a favor and leave.”

The man looked down, seeming into defeat. I began walking to the elevator when he started for the doors. It creeped me out to no ends he figured out where I lived. When we crossed paths I heard a pitiful excuse for-

“I’m so sorry.”

I didn’t turn back. I kept forward and inwardly rewarded myself for keeping my cool. I’d wanted to blow up. To yell and scream at him for being a fucking coward. But mom was waiting on me.

She needed me.

I clicked the apartment door shut when I arrived and filed to mom’s room. The monitor was beeping faintly. The air tank was still attached to her face, fogging with every little breath she took. Her face was sunken in with the lack of nutrients. She always looked weak and frail but now even more so. Mom was taking the turn for the worse. It wouldn’t be another nine months. It’d be impossible. A numbness settled over me. I did the usual, new bag, clean bed spread, put a cool rag on her forehead.

“I met the man you married once.” I whispered in the agonizingly still air. It these moment of hopelessness, it was so easy to forget Levi. Forget the life I was building with him. The beeping continued. I continued, didn’t I?

“For you, mom.”

And I left with those words alone. I couldn’t sort what was going through my head. It hurt too damn much to try.

I dug my phone from my pants pocket, walking into the livingroom.

I sat on the couch.

 _Can I sleep in your bed tonight?_ **_\- 11:32 p.m. (sent)_ **

My phone buzzed as soon as I set it down.

**_New Message: Levi_  **

_Do you really have to ask?_ **_-11:33 p.m._**

 _Do I?_ **_\- 11:33 p.m. (sent)_ **

I didn’t know why I was asking. Before he left he told me I could go in and out of his apartment freely.

**_New Message: Levi_ **

_Fuck, Eren. No you don’t have to ask. Are you okay?_ **_-11:35 p.m_ **

Go figure. He’s thousand upon thousands miles away, yet he detects me like he does it for a fucking living.

 _Yes and no. Don’t tell me I’m creepy, but I need something that smells like you right now._ **-11:37 p.m. (sent)**

**_New Message: Levi_ **

_You’re creepy._ **_-11:38_ **

I groaned aloud.

 _Asshole._ **_-11:38 p.m. (sent)_ **

**_New Message: Levi_ **

_You know it, baby gay._ **_-11:40 p.m._ **

I laughed at that. He only used that nickname when he was drunk. He thought it’s fucking hilarious while I not so much.  

 _I love you, asshole._ **_-11:42 p.m. (sent)_ **

**_New Message: Levi_ **

_I love you too. Don’t get your boogers on my comforter._ **_-11:43 p.m._ **

My heart skipped a beat when I read those words, then I snorted.

 _No promises._ **_-11:45 p.m. (sent)_ **

**_New Message: Levi_ **

_Your ass is fucking mine when I get back._ **_-11:47 p.m._ **

I was shuffling out the door when I read that one. I waited right until I was settled into his- our mattress, inhaling his scent around me. I switched my phone on, squinting at the brightness. I’d have to tell him everything when he was back. After my ass was his, of course.

 _Is that a threat or a promise?_ **_-11:58 p.m. (sent)_ **

Surprisingly, he answered much quicker than expected.

**_New Message: Levi_ **

_Both._

_For making me wait, it’s fucking both._ **_\- 12:00 a.m._ ** ****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all liked this one. Faster update should be happening.  
> I love this fic, and I love everyone who's been sticking with it, and support. Supports the best ever.  
> Please pray for my drawing skills, I'm going to attempt some hard shit.  
> I love Eren. I know his pain. Watching someone die, being betrayed. It all fucking sucks.  
> My poor, poor baby.  
> As always you can come find me on Instagram @/ ereri_Ackerman  
> Goodnight world<3


	19. Blanketed Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to express how sorry I am this took so long. I had the cursed writers block for a good week.  
> I also want to address my gratitude in how much I love this fic's response and all of you. Thank you!  
> And now... Well, this chapter was always going to happen, loves.  
> So without a further ado,  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS- (read at your own risk)  
> ;n; this was a bitch to write.  
> It's all over the place to.  
> See ya'll on the flipside.  
> -ALSO I AM TO LAZY TO EDIT IT RN, SO EXCUSE TYPOS-

_Hey, what’s your favourite color?_ **_\- 9:32 a.m. (sent)_ **

I honestly don’t know how to express my distaste for Bio Chem. If I could light the damn subject on fire I would. No take backs.

My phone buzzed.

**_New Message: Levi_ **

_Gray. Aren’t you in class?_ **_\- 9:34 a.m._ **

_Yes. Aren’t you going to ask for mine?_ **_-9:36 a.m. (sent)_ **

**_New Message: Levi_ **

_No. Fuck off, and do your work._ **_\- 9:39 a.m. (sent)_ **

I sighed aloud. Levi was just as serious about me graduating as I was. And by the looks of it, it seemed I would. While shitty teachers gave me a hard time with my work, I was gradually making me way back up.

I spent the rest of the period trying my best to conjure up the effort to pay attention, taking axonal notes. I only had two periods today, and the next one wasn’t nearly as boring or time consuming. A quick thirty minutes then I was home free.

Scooting back in my chair I watched as Connie stuck a paperclip in Reiner's hair. I snickered when the larger male swiped for the clip and failed to reach, beefy arms swinging to his sides. I turned my eyes back to my papers, listening partially to the lecture.

Levi would be back this upcoming Friday. I’d lasted almost a week and a half without him. Keyword was lasted. I’d grown so used to him in such a short time, he was as natural a need as air. I missed him, more simply put and was beyond fucking ready for these next four days to go by.

I’d call every night and texted him imperiously. Levi would complain I was acting like some chatty school girl but I couldn’t help it.  The more I waited the more anxious I got. It wasn’t like an anxious of waiting for something pleasant, I suppose it felt like something in my gut twisting every time I thought about it.

The warning bell rung and I shuffled out of the classroom for my next period upstairs. I passed Armin on my way there and we agreed to meet up later in that day. I didn’t really want to go home, exactly

Mom’s numbers on her monitor kept dropping, her face mask began to slip off because her face had grown so thin and sucken in. She couldn’t break out of her fever. I called her doctor last Wednesday, specializing every symptom she was experiencing. He brushed it off as a phase, but as mom grew thinner and paler; looking terrifyingly morbid I couldn’t prepare myself for the worst.

Why was the impossible always laughing in my face?

It was aggrieved, cynical, yet I had no object I could focus my anger on, no rage I could use as an outlet. Yeah, I hate Leukemia with a passion, but I couldn’t punch it.   

The horror still struck. Mom was going to die. Soon.

_‘Please just wait till Levi gets back, mom.’_

I didn’t know what I would do when she passed. I was so unsure of everything but I used Levi’s words to help me cope. There’d be no other way.

In Contemporary Literature I read a word that day, one the stuck throughout the rest of the evening.

Crestfallen.

My life was a big ball of crestfallen.

*******

“Hey, we should go sledding.” Armin was saying as we loaded up his car, me and him in the front Jean, Connie, and Sasha in the back.

“No.” I said flatly.

“Let's do it!”  Sasha grabbed ahold of my seat, roughing it back and forth.

“No.” I repeated.

“Come on, Jaeger. Get your head out of your ass and lighten up.” Jean piped up.

“No.” I refused. I wasn’t about to ‘lighten up’ and get snow in my pants.

Armin shot me a look, a hint of smile crossing his lips. “It might be fun. Just wear another pair of pants.”

“We don’t even have sleds.” I objected with a scowl.

“I have giant boxes at my place.” Connie announced with reverie.

“Ugh.” I let out.

There was a moment of silence. I actually believed they might have let it go.

“Did he just give in?” Jean asked.

“I think just he did.” Armin confirmed, the grin intact.

“Connie! Eren gave in!” Sasha used a singsong voice, crunching on some chips.

“See? I knew he’d crack.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, scowling out the window as Armin went in the directions Connie gave him.

“I will end you all.” I growled.

The fucks just laughed. I snapped my phone out, deciding to brighten Levi’s day.

 _My shit friends convinced me to go sledding with them. My ass is going to freeze. Just thought you’d like to know._ **_\- 1:22 p.m. (sent)_ **

**_New Message: Levi_ **

_I do. You poor sorry son of a bitch._ **_\- 1:23 p.m._ **

I laughed aloud before slipping my phone in my pocket.

We picked up the boxing sleds, Connie shoving them into the back of the car. Riding over to Armin’s, he supplied us all with winter wear. I hooded in a giant jacket, snow boots and two pair of pants. My palms felt sweaty and I wasn’t sure why. I wiped my hand on my pants with distaste.

“Here.” Armin tossed me a pair of gloves and a hat. I pocketed the gloves the shoved on the hat, leading out of Armin’s room back to the car.

We drove to the outskirts of the city limits. Passing the snow covered field, I remembered when Levi had brought me out here, a fuzzing warmth settling in my stomach. Wondering how his conference was going in Pennsylvania, I dug in my pocket for my phone, only to realize it was dead.

Go figure. Guess I’d have to wait.

Armin swerved the car around a hill like incline, going up by the higher grounds. It was a relatively long drive, approximately forty-five minutes. Breathing on the passenger's side window I traced patterns on the glass, and wondered with some clarity what I should be doing. Not a thing seemed to be in right steeds.

“Alright, these grounds look good enough.” Armin announced.

I looked around and saw the largest damn hill I was sure I’d ever seen, layered with snow. It was right by a main highway leading into the city.

“Let’s do this thing.” Connie beamed, dragging Sasha out of the car to grab the sledding boxes.

Jean bristled out of the car, opening the driver’s door to help Armin out like the fucking gentleman he was. I hated to admit it, but he was good to Armin. And with a shitty pang, I ached for Levi once again.

We all climbed the steep hill, snow building up to my mid-calf now. I shivered, yanking on my gloves. Connie shoved a giant box in my hands, giving one to Jean and Armin. Sasha had beaten us up there, sitting on the cardboard with anticipation. She gestured wildly at Connie to come push her, instead the guy got a running start, pushing them together down the hill. Sasha screamed while Connie whooped. I smiled at their antics.

Jean looked like he was prepared to do the same with Armin, my blonde friend sitting on the cardboard with a shaky smile. Jean backed up and in that moment I dropped my box, sprinting as fast as I could turning only for a split second to stick my tongue at Jean, who wore the look of confusion, then pushed me and Armin down the hella steep hill. Armin let out a startled shriek while I heard Jean use some choice words behind us. Connie and Sasha were laughing, and Armin was turned around; holding me like he’d die if he let go.

I was laughing, breathing in the icy air as we went down the steep slope down to a stop, the velocity minimum.

“You ass.” Armin laughed, nudging my arm before trying to stand on shaky legs.

I rose from the cardboard, breathing heavily and smiling bright. We all laughed as Jean took his turn solo style. His glare could scare a few tiny ants, it was priceless.  

“Stealing my boyfriend, huh?” Jean questioned me as we walked back up the slope, purposely putting an arm around Armin’s thin shoulders. Armin elbowed Jean, but the brute was unfazed.

Sasha and Connie were making their second turn down as I drawled out, “maybe.”

Then I jogged up and snatched my dropped box, taking another slide down the snowy hill. I liked the icy air hitting my face, the pain nothing compared the feeling of being free, even if for a mere few seconds. Levi’s inked wings on his back appeared in my mind and I couldn’t help but think he’d enjoy this feeling of flying.

“Holy shit, how is it dark already?” Jean bellowed from the snow covered ground, breathing in puffs.

Armin’s laugh was filled with sarcasm. “Time goes by when you’re doing stupid shit.”

“Peach!” I hollered from across the snowy slope.  

Jean dragged Armin down to kiss him sloppily.

“Get are room!” Connie and I spat in unision.

It was past seven p.m. when we decided to give in and pack the boxes up. My fingertips were frozen, and my toes were curled into my socks. I was exhausted and more than ready to lay in Levi’s mattress under layers of covers.

“Call me later, okay?” Armin told me as I got out of the car. He’d drop me off, which as always, I was grateful for. I was working on saving up money to buy myself my own car. I groaned at the thought of work tomorrow but told Armin I’d text him before striding to the elevators.

Trost felt eerie and I couldn’t place why it’d feel like that. I rod past my floor and something in my gut twisted and churned but I refused to recognize it. I bit my lip till the elevator rung out with its’ cheery ring. Slumping down the hall to Levi’s door, I twisted the key in the knob. His house still smelt of him, the sweet spices and tea leaves. I kicked my shoes off, not very neatly, I could hear Levi chiding me for that shit.

I stripped off my shirt, shrugging out of my pants and crawled under my covers. I was too tired to plug my phone in and I mourned in silence. I’d call Levi first thing in the morning, I pledged.

Turning on my side, I felt my hands move down my thighs. Suddenly awake to the scents lingering around me, I couldn’t help but imagining it being Levi’s hand instead of my own, caressing up navel. Imagining his lips murmuring sweet nothings with utter finesse into my ears, just for my ears alone. My fingertips played with the band of my boxer briefs, tracing the lines across. Slipping my fingers into the shorts and grasping my harden cock, I almost choked in the magnitude of pleasure shooting across my veins.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had masturbated, but as I stroked my length, imagining Levi’s thumb swiping over the mosten precum of my tip, electricity jolted my back. I pumped my hand faster, pacing it with my shaky breaths of air. I let my nails dig into the base, scratching lightly up my swollen shaft, my free hand clenching the sheets around me.

“Shit…” Arching my back, I whimpered into the still, and dark air. Then released with shaky fingers. My head was spinning from the satisfying bliss I’d created myself in. But it’d never match what Levi possessed to make me feel.

I flopped on my back, breathing faster.

Even though I just masturbated, and it felt fucking fantastic. Even though I missed Levi like crazy. Even though I had more fun than I cared to admit today.

I couldn’t shake the churning in my stomach.

*******

_I dreamt of her._

_My mother._

_She was happy and alive. She was cooking and listening to my newest story. We were sitting in front of a fire place, me and Mikasa bundled in her arms._

_“Mom?” I asked when I was sure Mikasa was asleep._

_“Hm?” She hummed down at me._

_“Where are her real parents?” Pointing at Mikasa, I asked of pure curiosity._

_Mom looked down at said girl nestled in her side. “They’re in a better place.” She said quietly._

_This only encouraged to me to further investigate._

_“A place like what?”_

_Mom’s voice took an octave that almost scared me. “Somewhere better than this world of curlities.” She reached over and began petting my hair._

_“But,” she continued, my eyes wide as I listened. “Even if this world is cruel, and it takes, Eren, always remember there is beauty in every evil. You just have to look.”_

_‘Just have to look.’_

_‘Just, look.’_

I jerked awake, the blinding sun burning my eyes. I sat up squinting at my blurry hands. My face was damp. The churning in my stomach was unbearable now.

My phone was dead. Mom’s monitor radar would alert my phone if something happened to her heart.

My phone was dead.

Jumping out of bed, the tears kept washing down my face. I ran out of the apartment, yanking on clothes as I did so. I locked Levi’s door, my fingers clenched around the useless, dead phone. Nothing would be solved until I saw the desperate inhales of air. I ditched the elevator, taking two down the stairs. I was hiccuping the hysteria taking any parts of my sanity with it.

Please be breathing.

I’m not ready.

Mom.

As soon as I had the lock in the knob turned the eerie sensations from the night before, the impact sucking the air around me. My footsteps sounded to loud in my ears. Or was that my heart?

I drew closer, my stomach sinking lower with each step.

Some things you just know. Deep down, you just know.

Creaking the door open, the monitors ringing, single beat. My lips trembled.

“Mom?” I asked into the dead air.

To a dead mother.

Her head was turned, the circle under her eyes making her look years older. Her hair was more than halfway gone. Chemotherapy did that.

She was dead. Mom was gone.

I dropped to my knees but the sobs weren’t there. I was staring into the dark room with no sense of time or reality.

The house phone.

I got up from my spot on the floor. Trembling limbs went in search for the landline. My eyes were snapped open.

I deadpanned at the device when I found it. Then dialed.

_“9-1-1 . What is your emergency?”_

I didn’t speak.

_“Hello? If no one answers, I will assure you this line will be tracked down.”_

“My mom.”

Was that my voice?

_“Sir? What about your mother?”_

“She’s dead.” I stated in melice.

_“Sir, we need more of a description. Name your location please.”_

“Trost Towers, apartment 63.” The robotic tone made no sense to me.

_“What is the state of your mother’s health, sir?”_

That pissed me off, one real emotion I finally felt since the morning numbness.

“SHE’S DEAD!” I shrieked into the line, then threw it at the wall. 

I didn’t turn back. I needed out. Out of Trost, out of everything.

I couldn’t think. I just did, running out of the apartment. I didn’t lock it. That was pointless.

I ran out of the lobby, the sobs, _the damn sobs,_ finally preceded. I was having a melt down, my heart not beating as I tried to move across the busy street. The raw agony of not knowing what the fuck to do, I needed to move.

I needed to stop.

The tears blurred everything. I never saw it, I was a lane over from the other snow filled sidewalk.

I never saw the speeding car that made initial impact with my body.

I welcomed the oncoming darkness in my eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.  
> I am evil.  
> This made my heart hurt so much.  
> That is all.  
> As always you can find my evil ass on instagram @ ereri_ackerman  
> I am such trash.


	20. Heavy Insolence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stalled again.  
> I'd been trying to write this but the words weren't coming to me.  
> Sorry loves. Also, if you hate me now for last chapter be prepared to hate me even more. I added some new tags :')  
> Dissolve just got a flip.  
> This update is in Levi's pov. A lot of chapter from now on will be in Levi's pov.  
> I'm sorry.  
> Read on now.  
> Sorry for any typos.

_Levi_

Eren hadn’t called in two days.

What the fuck?

He’d been ringing up my phone from the moment I left and now all a sudden he just disappears off the face of the earth?

I paced the hall of a reserved hotel, all my conference meetings had been placed here. Turns out a TV producer wanted to make ‘Truth or Lies?’ into a TV series. I was honored, just preoccupied by a certain green eyed monster.

_‘Why don’t I just call him?’_

Erwin had scolded me earlier about being better at ‘communication’. I was perfectly able to communicate, as long as the brat came to me first. I had ended up calling him nonetheless. But what terrified me was not only did Eren not answer, his phone went straight to voicemail.

I’d done that yesterday.

I had no other way to contact him. I was over thousands of miles away, what the fuck was I supposed to do? I couldn’t concept the rotting feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. Eren and I had only been together for two months, but I felt like I’d known the kid for years, so why was there a horrid feeling in my stomach every time I thought about him.

“Levi?” I heard Erwin call from behind me.

I turned abruptly, scanning Erwin’s sweaty profile with a raised brow.

“What?” I asked, my voice more sharp than I intended.

Erwin bit his lip, the action sending a panic through me. He never acted nervous. Erwin always had his cool. What could have made him of all people nervous? I saw the clenched phone in his fist. He came to me, putting a hand on my shoulder.  

“Armin got ahold of me. Eren’s in ICU with severe brain damage and fractured ribs. His mom was found dead.”

**__________________**

Ever feel like time stops and only a single thought can run through your head?

In that moment, my life had been changed forever.

And all I could think was:

_‘Shit.’_

**__________________**

I’d boarded the earliest plane possible, needing to get back home. To Eren.

Fuck kid.

I clenched my jaw. My brain kept passing with eerie destructions of the worse for him. I fidgeted in my seat, Erwin shooting me side way glances. The waiting was killing me. This is why he hadn’t called. Not because he was ignoring me. Simply he didn’t have the ability to.

I was terrified. I felt the same choking feeling I did when mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The same emptiness sensation from when she died. Eren. I couldn’t fucking survive without him. He had to be alive.

“We’re landing in ten.” Erwin whispered over at me, glancing at my bouncing knee. My thumb kept playing with my lip, the urge to chew my nail almost painful.

I understood. Eren must have walked in on his mother’s corpse alone. He had been alone. I hadn’t been there, I hadn’t been there to comfort his loss.

“Fucking stop it, Levi.” Erwin’s hiss had my eyes snapping to his.

I stared into his eyes for a few mere minutes, feeling white hot rage take hold of my body.

“Fucking stop what, Erwin? Worrying? Are you telling me to not give a shit that he might be dead?” I kept my voice calm, not raising it for a single moment. It took a deadly octave, my teeth grinding.  

“Stop making accusations. Stop fucking blaming yourself.” Icy blue eyes stared me down. My jaw slacked and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Get the fuck out of my head.” I snarled.

“Bullshit. Your over here, self loathing about something you didn’t have to ability to stop. Eren doesn't need you to be so goddamn preoccupied with yourself.”

That snapped me out of my boiling rage. Erwin looked genuinely pissed. I looked down at my scratching hands, my skin was blotchy. He was right. Eren didn’t need me being a basket case. I’d be his support, his refugee.

 _“Please leave the plane single filed.”_ An intercom came overhead.

I lunged out of my seat. “Did you call a car?” I shot at Erwin who was falling after me out of the plane.

“I did.” He replied.

I hopped off the stairs, sprinting towards the lobby of the airport. “Levi!” I heard Erwin shout behind me but I didn’t let up. Eren may have been alone before, but not anymore. I’d be there for him.

Sweat drizzled down my face, my breaths coming out uneven and shallow. I finally reached the taxi car waiting for me. Yanking open the backseat door, I all but threw money at the cabbie.

“Trost hospital.” I let out after a long drag of a breath. He nodded and I began the bouncing of my knee again.

I left Erwin in the dust in my erratic mantaj. I wasn’t even of aware how or what caused Eren to be in such a critical state, all I fucking knew was he was hurt, in more ways than one.

Chewing frantically on my lip, I again lunged out of the car when the damn thing finally made it to my destination. I strode into the intoxicating clean building I felt my first wave of nausea.

White walls, white floors, halls, everything was so white.

Eren.

I ignored the way my stomach kept plummeting into my ass, punching the up sign of the elevator. The old lady waiting next to me looked wary but I couldn’t give a single fuck. Not till I was sure he was okay. The ICU was on floor twenty-five, another punched to the button of an elevator when it finally opened.

“Floor twelve.” A small voice came from behind me. The old woman just raised a brow when I glared at her, punching her floor number. Floor twelve rang out, the elderly woman moving slowly, her gray hair falling over her thin shoulder. She was halfway out of the door when she turned back to me.

“Have a little faith, young man.” She spoke sullenly before the doors closed the sight of her.

_‘Have a little faith.’_

Mom used to say something like that.

I stared wide eyed at the metallic doors, almost missing the ring of my floor. My legs felt like lead as I drug them along. My lips was trembling. I had a sudden urge to scream, my patience wearing thin. I may have collapsed if it wasn’t the movement of blonde hair moving in my direction.

“Levi.” Armin’s choked sob came out, he took to my chest when he fell forward.

I grasped his thin wrists tightly. “Where is he?” I snapped.

The smaller male looked unfazed. Just wore out and tired.

“He’s alive. Barely.” Armin whispered, standing straight. He walked over the waiting chairs along a sickening white wall, a male I was sure was a friend of Eren sitting in a chair. He looked exhausted too, bags under both their eyes. Another man was next to them I didn’t recognize, talking with a policeman.

I stalked closer, eyeing these few people that cared about Eren. Taking a seat next to Armin, I began my frenzied of questions.

“What is his state? How did he get hurt?” I asked over a whisper.

The bigger male looked warily over at Armin who looked like he’d burst into tears at any given moment.

“I can, Armin.” The male said, his voice small but filled with reasonable remorse. Armin shook his head.

“A call from 911, Eren had called them and told them his mom was dead. Eren’s phone had been dead. I suppose when he found his mom dead yesterday morning he just ran out of Trost. No one has any idea what he was thinking, reports said he ran in front of a car as a suicidal attempt. But Eren wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t, he doesn’t give up. He must have just been trying to move, not be there anymore. Then he got hit, and now we’ve sitting here waiting to see if he’ll make it. An investigation is going on. Some are calling it a murder case, saying that’s why he ran in front of a car. His father over there is trying to press charges to the press, because the truth is right there but who know’s how it’ll go.”

The more Armin talked the more pissed I became. How dare some news reporter try to make Eren out as some murder? He had been at the wrong place at the wrong time. I grounded jaw together, fuming in my place.

“I will fucking kick some ass.” I growled.

Armin glanced at me then leaned over on the worried looking male next to him. The two males arguing on the right side of us continued. I didn’t know much about Eren’s father, I knew he didn’t like the man. But if he could help with this case, I’d let him.

“Has anyone seen him?” My voice broke in the simple sentence.

Armin shook his head.

“They’ve given us some minor details but that’s all.” Armin’s boyfriend, or who I assumed was his boyfriend, spoke up. “No one has gotten to see him yet. Not till he’s stable. Which shouldn’t be long. We’ve been here since yesterday. They told us the got Carla’s body for inspection right now.”

I nodded at the information. I wanted to find him, to hold him in my arms. The waiting was inparallel and I could feel my nerves slipping.

The policeman continued to question Mr. Jaeger, and the male struck so many similarities from Eren it was downright disturbing. His fiery eyes were what stuck to me the most.

Just like Eren’s.

I turned my eyes to the wall before and I experienced yet another involuntary movement of nausea.

 

* * *

 

I was washing my hands when a load of nurses came running down the hallway. I ran out, eyes snapped in the direction they'd gone. Fortunately, it was back down towards the left wing. Eren was on the right. I sighed a relieved breath.

When Armin and the male I learned to be Jean came back into view my eyebrows scrunched forward at the doctor talking rapidly to them. Mr. Jaeger snapped a question at the male doctor, a scowl presentable.

“We will help get the press of his back, the body was definitely infected with a disease. Media likes to turn things into more eradicated derails than normal. As for Eren, there was internal bleeding in his brain. His left rib cage fractured.”

“Will he manage?” I asked meekly.

The doctor looked at me with tired eyes. “Yes, but the chances of amnesia is very possible. Anything he did of recent he won’t remember. Approximately a three months ago seems most accurate.”

My tongue became bone dry in my mouth.

_‘Three months.’_

_‘He couldn’t remember three months back.’_

Armin looked back at me with sunken eyes.

I realized with horror, if Eren did indeed wake up with amnesia-

Eren wouldn’t remember me.

Remember us.

I punched the sickly white walls.

 

* * *

 

Three days of slow nothings passed in a pace as a turtle.

I hadn’t left the hospital in the time period, and three days without a shower was slowly eating away at my skin. But I refused to leave Eren’s side. The doctor finally admitted us entrance to see him. His face was colored with purple bruises, his body looking thin and frail. A lump had found it’s way into my throat, my body shaking constantly. When no one was there to witness, I broke down.

“Eren, Eren.” My thumb swiped over his palm. Tears burned in the back of my eyes as my composure melted away. I felt weak, my self loathing continuing horridly. I fucking hated the initiation of waiting.  

Three horrible days of the same cycle. Eren’s doctor said he was unsure when he’d wake, the bleeding in his brain was contained, his chest was bruised with colors so deep it made me cringe. I wanted to take his pain, his loss. Along the lines I was still dreading the looming of his remembrance of me when those eyes finally opened again. He’d remember that his mother was dying, not that she was actually dead. He wouldn’t remember me. He’d lose his mother all over again. I couldn't contain the anger I felt for his pain, someone like Eren didn't deserve this. Someone that had brought so much light into my life in the matter of two months should not be like this.

One the fourth day, I had left Eren’s room to piss. I avoided the mirror, scared of my own reflection. Erwin had called, worried I wasn’t taking care of myself. I lied and said I was. In truth, I hadn’t eaten much in the last four days. I had little to no appetite. Armin tried, and even Jean but I refused.

Eren’s father went back to work, leaving an abundance amount of money in his absence, claiming Eren wouldn’t need someone like him to wake up too. And while it was probably true, it infuriated me he’d just up and leave Eren like that.

I slugged back up to the room. Yawning, I decided to try and sleep a little when I was settled back down.

And I would have.

I turned in the door frame, seeing his wild green eyes smiling at Armin and Jean. Armin was crying and laughing and Jean seemed explicitly happy.

“Eren.” The word left my lips before I could stop it.

Armin and Jean snapped around, Eren’s breathtaking eyes seemed puzzled.

Armin shook his head. I barely caught it. I latched my arms around my lover's shoulders, pulling his frail self into my arms.

 _‘Just give me this, Eren.’_    

I didn’t need to be told. I didn’t need Eren’s next words.

“Who are you?”

I felt my heart break in two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this is the part I laugh/cry in your face.  
> YOU GUYS THOUGHT IT'D BE SO EASY HUH?  
> Nope.  
> I just made Dissolve a hella ton longer, cause I got the bright idea of amnesia.  
> HA HA HA  
> *sobs grossly*  
> I'm sorry guys. EVIL I am.  
> Come be evil with me on instagram @ Ereri_ackerman  
> just cause


	21. Reconnecting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, it's been seven days since I've updated this shit, I'm sorry.  
> So, side notes, THIS RIGHT HERE IN THIS CHAPTER IN WHY I HAD EREN AND LEVI NOT KNOW EACH OTHER ALL THAT LONG.  
> I wanted the redo at loving each other, but now in Levi's POV, so Mr. Short Stacks could know what it's like to try to make someone love you. But knowing, Eren, it won't last long.  
> I'm so sorry this story has been so angsty, I didn't mean to do it. Well, I did but meh.  
> Hope you guys like this, my ass in numb right now and my head feels loopy with a side of shriveled up raisin feeling in my eyeballs.  
> Also, I don't feel like this story needs to be dragged out anymore than it already has. So without a further of do, there is one last chapter before I draw this fic to a close!   
> Also, sorry for typos I'll fix them later but meeeh you guys already know.

_Levi_

“Just give him sometime.”

Erwin was talking but in this point in my life I couldn’t bring myself to actually give anyone a shit.

Being in Erwin’s car, the blonde brute had forced me home for a shower. I’d been stuck outside Eren’s hospital door for a good week. I’d try seeing him twice. Nothing. No spark of recognition, nothing. I was becoming a hopeless mess.

“The doctor said they’re going to break the news to Eren about his mom today.” Erwin announced, taking a sharp turn left.

I gave a sideways glance, keeping my head resting in the palm of my hand. “It’s been a week. Wouldn’t that be a bad idea?” I mumbled a reply.

“It's been a _week_ , Levi. They should have told him a while ago instead of lying to him like that. It’ll just hurt all the more.”

I shrugged.

“What the fuck has been with you?” I heard the frustration in Erwin’s voice.

“What do you think?” I asked him, turning my full attention on the man I couldn’t believe I ever wanted. He was better off my annoying friend. My eyes narrowed down at him, my stress level rising again.

“Eren doesn’t remember me. He’s losing his mom all over again, I’m trying, Erwin. I’m just tired.”

He stayed silent for a moment. “Your thoughts are between being selfish and wanting to help.” He stated matter-of-fact.

I rolled my eyes, genuinely annoyed. “How’d you figure?”

Another pause.

“When you talk about him, your thoughts all over the place. ‘He doesn’t remember me.’ Selfish thought. ‘Eren is losing his mom all over again.’ Not selfish. ‘Tired.’ Little bit of both.” Erwin parked the car outside Trost, turning his blue eyes on me. “I’m sorry, Levi.”

“Don’t pity me.”

“I’m not. Don’t give up on him. He needs you, whether either of you realize it or not. Eren loved you once, he can always love you again.”

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t agree. I didn’t disagree. I shrugged out of the car, shivering once I was into the ice cold air.

“I’ll be back in an hour!” I heard Erwin shout behind me, but I didn’t acknowledge him.

I rod in the elevator in silence, trying to keep my eyes from the spot Eren would be. I disregarded his floor, his old home. Since he wasn’t a legal adult quite yet, his new place was still up in the air. I knew Armin and Erwin were waiting for me to pipe up and saw that he was my boyfriend and I’d take him home. I would. But I wasn’t going to say anything until everything was final. The brief moments I saw Eren, he’d look at me with utter question, asking ‘why is he here again?’  

_Why? Why was I there?_

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I would never give up on Eren. I already vowed myself to that. But this time of not working, not doing much of anything besides waiting for the one person I needed the most to wake up and realize he knew me, wasn’t serving much of a distraction. Erwin told me repeatedly that he had me covered. And I was grateful, I just would have really fucking appreciate a distraction.

The elevator rung out and I swung out of it, heading down the narrow hallway for my apartment I’d seen less and less of. Clicking the door to a shut, I leaned back on the door handle, taking a large breath through my nose. Everything was in order, Eren hadn’t gone and wrecked the place. The place was cold, the air completely still. Then a rustling noise had my heart jump into my throat. My apartment had house security. Only a few of closer people to me knew the passcode.

How the hell could anyone have gotten in? My eyes snapped to the windows but none looked like they’d been moved an inch. A crackling of pans rang out and jumped. I knew self defense. Sort of.

The sound continued and I stalked closer to the kitchen were it was erupting from. There was a bent over figure moving back and forth, digging through my lower cabinet. I narrowed my eyes further, and with one questioning step, I hammered the figure to the ground with one swing of my leg.

“Fuck!” A thud then I opened my eyes, not aware that I had even closed them, and was greeted with a bloody nosed Hanji. I sighed in utter relief.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?” I hissed at her, bringing my knee up to rub where it must had made impact with her nose.  She visibly flinched but then flew up, hopping around my bar to a mirror on the wall.

“Damn, Levi! You got a kick.” She awed my handiwork and I scowled at her, running a hand through my hair.

After bringing her a tissue, I went plopped on the couch, sighing as I did so. “Why are you here?” I repeated, tilting my head up so it could rest on the back on the couch.

Hanji was all smiles when she made herself comfortable next to me. “I wanted to make you dinner.” She said.

I scrutinized her, raising a delicate brow. “You’re fucking kidding right? You’d risk my kitchen like that?”

Hanji cackled. “Ah, right I forgot I couldn’t cook so I called Petra earlier. She told me to leave but I am determined.”

“Go away.” I groaned, putting my hands over my face.

“You made me bleed! You can’t just kick me out!”

“You snuck into my home without permission and think I would kick you out after kicking you?”

“You said kick three times.”

I rolled my eyes. “What’s with people and repeating everything I say today?” I muttered, standing from the couch.

“Where you going?” Hanji asked my back.

“To shower before Erwin comes back for me.” I answered, leaving out my destination.

“Can I come with?” Hanji asked quietly.

I stayed silent. I wouldn’t tell her no, she has every right to see Eren as the next.

“He won’t remember you.” I told her. It was a low blow, but I was relieved I wasn’t the only one.

“That’s okay.”

I turned slowly to see the small smile she wore. I turned and left it as that. I needed a shower.

* * *

 

“Who’s this?” Armin asked, pointing a warming smile in Hanji’s direction.

Hanji all but toppled the smaller blonde, Armin’s eyes widened by the embrace. We all met outside of Eren’s room, the decision to tell him that not only had he lost his mother already, but has amnesia as well. I was unaware how he’d take it, considering he’d just been confuse all week.

Hanji pulled off Armin when Jean began to look uncomfortable and Erwin’s telling her to hop off. She looked up at my with big puppy dog eyes, holding the smaller blonde’s shoulders.

“He’s so cute!” Hanji practically squealed. Armin sat there baffled and Jean looked out right appalled. I wanted to laugh at both of their expressions but I kept my cool exterior to a max.

I turned in the direction of footsteps I had heard behind me. Eren’s personal doctor came over to greet us, his teeth too white just as was his coat that went past his knees. I wanted to sock him in his too toothy smile.

“So, as of now, Mr. Jaeger has been stable enough to be informed of everything. Including the state of his own health, as well as what has happened with his mother.” Lab coat with the too white of a smile paused, going over something on his clipboard. “Not being able to remember three months back is not a huge difference but a lot seems to have happened as what you’ve all told me. As it is, his 18th birthday is right around the corner so we leave up where he will be staying to you guys. We want him to continue school, to be updated about what has happened in life and please, be patient. Many patients with amnesia suffer a lot of frustration, so patience would be key.”

I knew all of this, I knew everything that had been decided so far. There was now only one thing I wanted to know most. “Will he ever remember?” I asked the doc.

He stared at me for a moment. “You’re his lover, correct? I know this may be tough on you-”

“Just get to the point.” I snapped.

The doctor looked startled but a glass set over his eyes, one that he used every time he told bad news. I’d seen it all before.

“It’s unknown whether Mr. Jaeger will gain his memories back, we can only hope he does. As his partner, I’d advise having him stay with you, try to help him remember all he’s forgotten.”

_‘You just said it was unknown whether he’d remember or not.’_

Is what I wanted to mutter at lab coat but I held my tongue. The doctor turned abruptly, gesturing for us to follow. Hanji and Erwin stayed back while Armin, Jean and I were lead to Eren’s room. Twisting the door open, I let Armin and Jean go in first, I still went in, just at a slower pace.

Eren jumped awake, noticing the hustling of shoes on tiles. His blankets were twisted around his body, fluffy hair sprawling in every direction. The wild green eyes I’d miss so much took in his surrounding, scratching at his head. The doctor went through the regular procedures, checking his pulse and testing his eyes. I couldn’t help but notice the confused looks Eren sent my way. Armin must have noticed it as well, cause he gave me a reassuring smile I had no response to. We huddled in the corner of the room before Armin went up and gave Eren a hug.

“Alright.” The doctor announced, sitting back. “I know it has been a confusing week for you, Eren, but me and your friends will help explain everything.” The doc explained, rubbing his hands together. Eren simply nodded, seeming confused again.

“But I don’t understand why he’s here again.” Eren said, pointing at me. I tried so hard not to flinch. “I don’t even know him.” And I failed miserably.

Armin sent me a glance I wanted burn off his face before turning back to Eren. “Everything will be explained, okay?”

Eren gave a small nod, stilling sending me side way glances. I would say it was cute how sly he was trying to be about it, but I didn’t feel I had the right to.

“Remember how we told you you’re in here cause you got into an accident.” Armin started, doc seemed to be fine with this fact but Eren cut in.

“Right, what kind of accident? No one has been telling me anything, and I don’t think Mikasa would be doing such a good job at keeping up with mom. Which reminds me, why hasn’t she been here to visit? Ugh, I don’t know anything and it’s really starting to piss me off.” Eren seemed genuinely frustrated. The mention of his mother and Mikasa had us all go quiet but Eren didn’t catch it.

Armin took a small breath. I stayed silent, feeling it being unnecessary for me to jump in.

“Eren, what month do you think it is?” Armin asked.

Eren’s eyebrows scrunched up, he chewed momentarily on his lip before answering. “Isn’t it the beginning of January? Why is that important?”

“It’s March.” Armin said, his shoulders were trembling and I could see out of the corner of my eye Jean shifting.

Eren paused, his eyes taking a confusion that I wanted so badly to help with but wasn’t sure how. If I would even help.

“You got hit by a car. The doctors are saying you’re suffering from amnesia.” Armin continued, noticing Eren’s hesitance. His contravention steep higher, eyebrows draw together looking gruff and older. I hadn’t noticed it before, but Eren was spouting a light stubble underneath his chin, just barely reaching the tips of his face. He looked so much older, like a man that’d been through hell.

“I’m going to start from the beginning alright?” Armin asked. Eren nodded slowly, more than likely putting the pieces together. I shifted in the corner, keeping an eye on Armin and Eren when I rounded my chest in an odd angle and was stabbed with a light pain. I looked down and noticed the brace that shown down my chest and for the first time, I realized it was the brass key that Eren had given me. I fought the urge to reach down my shirt and touch it, not wanting to trigger Eren.

“You were told your mother has eleven months to live, and Mikasa being shut up in her room all the time, right?” Eren nodded again for the upteenth time. “Well, in that time you met Levi, someone who lives in Trost and is also your boss for the Survey Publishing. Someone who you also have a relationship with.”

“What?” Eren looked at Armin, then to me. “I wouldn’t forget someone like that.”

Doc spoke up. “You’ve only been with him for two months, Eren. Don’t feel bad.”

“Wait.” Eren threw his hands in either direction. He looked to me, then looked down, chewing his lip. “I’m gay?”

I bit my lip immediately, while Armin and Jean couldn't contain their small chuckles.

“Can’t believe it?” Armin asked over a laugh and it was such a nice atmosphere that I wouldn't intervene.

Eren glanced at me again, this time his eyes being more thorough and sharp. “No.” He said. “I can believe it.”

I wanted to slap my cheeks, automatically turning my face to the other side to keep my reddening face out of eyesight. Eren’s words had never effected me like that. Never had made me so fluster I had to turn away. I bit away my smile.

“Well, back to that.” Armin was saying. “Levi is your boyfriend as of two months ago. Mikasa… Ran away.” Armin said, his voice taking a low octave.

“What?” Eren asked in disbelief.

“That’s a story for later, just know she is safe and you and her came to terms.” Armin said, looking into Eren’s eyes with determination.

“Trust him, Eren.” Jean spoke up, looking from Armin to Eren.

He was struggling, but Eren managed to hold his questions back. Armin was getting into the hard part, breaking down the real and final truth.

“Please don’t freak out.” Armin looked at Eren with pity, and I too understood why.

“You got into an accident because you ran out of Trost without looking both ways when you crossed the street and was hit by a car. You ran because… You had just saw your mother dead. She hadn’t been able to make those last eight months. I’m so sorry, Eren.”

He stared. And stared. The air in the room became dark and sunken. The doctor was eyeing Eren, obviously unsure how he was going to react as well.

“Oh.” Eren finally let out. “Really? She’s… Mom is dead?” He looked down at his hand in his lap, an unreadable expression taking hold of his beautiful features.

“And Mikasa is gone, huh? I wondered about that. So, so I have amnesia? And I don’t remember seeing my mom dead, or losing my sister, or even having a gorgeous boyfriend?” Eren confirmed, words slow and even.

“Yes.” The doctor nodded, slowly. “We can’t be sure if you will regain your memories.”

Eren looked at me with a pity I couldn’t deny. He hung his head again, and felt the second urge to pull him into my arms, away from all his fears and suffering.

“Will mom have a funeral?” He asked softly, and I was genuinely surprised he hadn’t acted out on the news of his mother. Maybe deep down, he might still have fragments of those memories.

“Of course.” Armin assured him. Eren bobbed his head.

“Do I have to go back home alone?” He asked weakly, and I knew now was the time to speak up.

“No.” I said. “If you’re willing, I’d like you to live with me.” I knew it was a big jump, considering Eren didn’t truly _know_ me.

Eren stared at me, his eyes for once very calculating.

“I think it’d be best.” Armin offered. “Being around the thing you don’t remember.”

I was unfortunately one of those things, and I couldn’t help my cringe. Eren nodded meekly, yawning in before turning to the doctor.

“Am I being released?” He asked.

The doc finally smiled, standing up and reaching over his desk for some papers. “Yes, as of today, you’re free to leave Mr. Jaeger.” Eren smiled weakly at the guy. “However.” The doctor said. “I will want to check up on those ribs and the head trauma.”

Eren agreed, shoving his legs over the bed, walking very slowly over to me.

“Uh, I don’t really know how to say this properly, but please take care of me?” He asked, green eyes shifting down.  

And as I smiled faintly, shaking my head yes at him, I couldn’t help but think I was being fucked over all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment whenever you guys think I need to add tags.  
> Can always fine me on Instagram @ ereri_ackerman  
> LOVE YOU GUYS


	22. Loose Tied Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I stalled again because I decided this was the final chapter of Dissolve.  
> I felt that it was unnecessary to stretch it out anymore than I already had and while I'm so happy for all the support and the fun of writing this fic, I am sad that it had come to a close.  
> But worry not! I have a new fic, one I am much more confident in posting, coming out very soon! Excited? Hope so.  
> Well, thank you to those that have sticked for the ride, this was quite the learning experience. I know some of the shit I threw in the fic was not my best, but there is a first to everything right? This may be my first fic, bit it won't be my last. I love you all, so thanks for everything!  
> This chapter is heavy on Eren and Levi but that is to be expected.

_Levi_

Trying not fidget as I steered the wheel in the car became a difficult task. Eren sat in the passenger seat next to me, his eyes trained on the road ahead, release papers in hand. Sneaking sideways glances at the male that’s been ruling my life as of late, I couldn’t help but notice the way he chewed his lip. Eren hadn’t been out in the world in almost three weeks, right down into the beginning of March.

Cutting a right, I could see Trost from here, the skyline building standing tall. I couldn’t decipher why I was a bundle of racking nerves around Eren. Yes, he didn’t remember me but I had never been this worried how to act around him in the first place, not when we had met. I’d always lived in my cool exterior, never wavering at whatever someone threw my way. Eren Jaeger had been included.  

But now I felt my stomach in my ass just with the way he was acting so nervous himself. Eren had every right to be nervous. Me? Not so much. So I asked, trying and pleading with the still air around us for some strike of conversations.

“Nervous?” I spoke softly, surprising myself with how calm my voice echoed in my brain as I pulled up in the parking lot.  

Eren’s gorgeous eyes snapped to mine, his lip finally released from the grasp of his teeth. “Oh, I guess so. It feels weird coming back here.” Eren looked to the tall apartment complex, his eyes taking a distant appearance.

“There’s really nothing left for me here, is there.”

It wasn’t a question. He stated it. And my heart squeezed immensely, a wave of nausea settle over me at his broken sentence. His amnesia had taken him from me. But I was going to win him back. I’d never been so goddamn determined before, but watching Eren leave me wasn’t an option. Assembling myself out of the car, I got his small bag of luggage before I came to open his door for him. Eren moved to get out of the car, but he was still uneasy on his feet, falling into my chest. I was able to snake an arms around his waist, stopping the fall. Hands rested on my chest, Eren breathed in uneven puffs.

“Are you okay?” I asked, concerned the moment his face went pale.

“Yes.” Eren answered automatically, though his shortage of breath told me otherwise. Helping him aways from the car, I slammed the door, locking it behind me. Eren kept his hand trained on the small of my waist, his eyes looking ahead as we made it into Trost. The snow covered banks were finally melting as it was spring was rolling in.

Eren’s proximity seemed to have settled down, leaning back against the wall of the elevator when I prodded my level. I set him back with a look he’d know all too well. His scowl was almost laughable.

“I’m fine. Just got a little dizzy.” He turned his cheek to the side, signifying that topic was a closed case. I didn’t push, just bounced on the balls of my feet. The elevator was taking it’s time as usual, my nerves were biting at the back of my neck and I kept telling myself to breathe.

I was concerned about something triggering Eren at my place, something that might have been painful to remember. Rebuilding what had been only a mere two months was beginning to show it’s difficulty. It wasn’t that Eren was hostile, he could be, but more he wanted to be left alone. At least that’s what the hints he dropped on me. I felt as if I was intruding on his space, even when I promised him to tell me when enough was enough for him.

Finally, we reached my place, I breathed a sigh of fucking relief, jingling my keys out to unlock the door. Once in I kicked my shoes off and headed straight for the couch. I peeped at Eren from my spot, watching him take in the cold apartment.

“Are you loaded or something?” He asked, settling in a bar chair. The set of deja vu that came in loads was close to make me bust out laughing, luckily I was able to control it.

“You asked me the same question when I showed you this place.” I murmured, watching Eren with some curiosity.

He turned slowly in the direction of my voice, eyes once again calculating. It was a new look for him, a quality he didn’t possess before the accident. “Did I?” The words were put out slowly, seeing as to his expression was a mix of curiosity and hesitance.

I nodded, picking myself up from the couch, striding into the kitchen. I was a novice at this, trying to be a good hostess while not trying to bash his brain in to make his ass remember me. Patience. I need my skull ripped open and pour a can of patience into my system.

“Are you hungry?” I asked Eren, opening the fridge doors, trying to distract myself from my thoughts. I had eggs only because the brat behind me ate them constantly. “Eggs?” I threw out, hoping his taste bud were at least the same.

“I’d love some, actually.” I turned to see the small smile twitching at his lips.

I turned the stove on, feeling the awkward numbness settled over me as I cracked the first set of eggs. I wasn’t sure where to go from here. The doctor said just hope. But what the hell was hoping and waiting going to do? Maybe Eren needed a trigger. I couldn’t be sure.

“Armin said he’d bring me all my make-up work from the only to classes I have.” Eren mumbled, scratching his head. “I remember having more.”

“You worked hard to get your grades up, completing some credits or something.” I answered for him, stirring together some of the spinach I had found into the eggs yolk.

“Did I?” I didn’t have to turn around to know his compulating expression was on again. “Hm, he also told me that I had a job, but was relieved from work because of my condition. I also found out mom is dead and Mikasa is off with some chick.” I turned then hearing the utter frustration in his voice.

“And,” Eren continued. “I heard you work at a bar, or something also while being an author. The author of my favorite series. I started working for you, as Armin told me. For credits, volunteer work. But how did that form a relationship when you’ve been acting like you’re treading on thin ass ice around me.”

Not being able to keep the guilt off my face, my hand trembling as I set the plate down in front of him. Why? Why was his glare hurting me? Why was I so damn vulnerable to everything this lousy male said?

“I don’t work at a bar.”

Was the first thing I blurted, feeling my cheeks heat. God, I was pathetic.

Eren was sitting there waiting for me to continue.

“I used to play around at a bar for the heck of it. I don’t want to go back anymore. I have different priorities.” I directed this at him, hoping he knew he had been the changed those priorities.

“Me?” He asked softly. I nodded, sitting back, running my fingers through my hair.

I kept going. “I am a writer. I told you a while ago what got me into it. I showed you my favorite place to be alone. I’ve been so uninspired to write because… something is missing. Something isn’t there anymore.”

I was rambling, my thoughts jumbled as was my heart. I hadn’t been willing to admit how much Eren not remembering terrified me. Now I was breaking. Breaking just as he did when he had met me.

“As for your mom.” I sucked in a breath, keeping my eyes trained on the kitchen tiles. I couldn’t meet his eyes, not yet. “I’m so, so sorry. I know it must hurt, because in all honesty, you’ve lost her twice. I know you don’t remember, but I told you I lost my mom to a really shitty disease too. Mikasa,” I couldn’t shut my mouth, could I? “She and you figured it out, I promise you that. As for me, I’m scared Eren.”

I was admitting it, to his face I was admitting I was afraid not just of him not wanting me again, but loving me. But I said it, just like I always said it.

“I’m scared of you never wanting what we had again. I have no fucking clue how to go about anything. I feel so not in control and I fucking despise it.”

Taking a relatively large breath, I sunk into the counter, arms wrapped around my head. My entire body was shaking and I couldn’t grasp the way my breaths were uneven. But without warning, I heard the chair scoot back, feet padding.

‘Right.’ I thought. 'Eren already has a shit ton to deal with besides my mental breakdowns.’

Suddenly arms enveloped my back, snaking down to my midriff in a tight embrace. Lips were at my ear as my body stiffened under the weight, my heart pounding in my throat.

“They told me I had a lover. But I would have never believed someone like you would have agreed to me. I thought, maybe this guy is just messing around with me, just like before? But then I realized I couldn’t remember before, couldn’t remember what had been between us. But seeing you like this, someone I subconsciously know better than my own remembrance, there had to be something there. I want to try to rebuild it, Levi.”

It was the first time he’d said my name in weeks. And my heart melted with everything else. Slowly, I twisted in Eren’s arms, meeting his determined emerald eyes I’d missed so much. He stared right back, not backing down. He never backed down. A flick of his eyes down at my lips, I knew with some certainty, that things would go. We could rebuild, lean on eachother for support just like we had before.  

“May I?” Eren breathed down on my lips, pausing only a second to have my acceptance. Instead, I just leaned up, brushing my lips against his own.

The kiss had the first kiss feeling, the hesitance in Eren’s posture, to my sigh of finally _feeling_ him. Feeling his hand palming the small of my back to keep it cushioned from the hard counter surface, his knee pressing between my legs as he deepened the kiss. My fingers found their way into his hair, cupping the side of his face. Eren’s free hand roamed up my chest, and I couldn’t help but not mind the proximity in the intensity of his mouth on mine. Eren’s fingers pressed down on the cool brass inside my shirt, his lips breaking from mine for a moment to bring the key from inside my shirt.

He stared at it, thick brows in concentration. I didn’t say anything, just watched him study the brass key he’d gotten for me.

_“Seulement toi.”_

I couldn’t dare question what he had said, biting the inside of my lip as I looked up at Eren who still held the key.

“Only you, Levi. Right?” It was a whisper between us.

“That’s all I could remember.”

“Levi?”

Eren was staring down at me with an immensity I could not deny.

“Yes.” I breathed. “Fucking yes.”

Eren smiled, his cheeks brightening. “I guess it’s a step?”

Encircling my arms around his neck, I brought his lips back to mine.

“Yes.” I repeated, knowing, relishing. There was a chance. There had been always a chance.

-x-

_Two months later- Eren_

I found myself standing on a stage with an excitement that couldn’t have been stopped, nothing in the world could stop the tizzy tumultuous I was undergoing. I looked out to the crowd from underneath me, spotting Levi, along with Hanji, Petra, and Erwin. Mikasa hadn’t been able to make it, and I knew I didn’t mind. I had the people I needed here on this day. Levi smiled at me, cause I was next. I knew he was probably ready to hit this joint.

Today, I Eren Jaeger was graduating with all the credits I had earned. It was a rich feeling, an accomplishment that was only given once. I knew mom would have been proud to see me walk across this stage, just as the family I’d created out there was.

“Eren Jaeger.”

My name was called, my legs taking me to the principle of the school. The older man smiled at me, handing me the graduation papers, I felt my cap slip and I dropped the guys hand as I stopped the hat from falling. The principle just gave a small chuckle, congratulating me and I was off.

“You did it!” I felt Armin hug me from while Jean patted my shoulder.

“We did.” I agreed, smiling at both of the people I considered to be good friends, including horse face.

An arm snaked around my waist as Levi leaned up in my ear. “Proud?”

I chewed my lip, glancing down into his steel blue eyes. “Very.” I answered.

And not to shortly after we all headed to a small dinner to celebrate the graduation. Levi sat next to me in the small booth, the others crowding around. While I still couldn’t remember everything that had happened between me and Levi, I knew I wouldn’t change anything that we had created up until now.

After a couple of hours at the diner, it was past eight and Levi was again, more than ready to book it. Saying goodbye to everyone, I followed Levi to the car, taking my rightful space in the passenger's seat. The past two months had been up and downs, but I was slowly pulling through the last remnants of my amnesia. I still struggled, but not nearly as much as I did in the beginning.

We had been on the road for quite some time when Levi steered the car over, parking it in some field. “Where are we?” I asked, following him out of the car.

Levi placed himself on the hood of his car, patting the space besides him. I took the pace next to him warily, staring at him for some explanation. He just pointed up. And my head followed the direction of his finger. What laid in front of me was an endless amount of stars, casting overhead that went miles on.

“I remember this.” I whispered in the tranquility.

“Good.”

I turned over at Levi, who was staring at me as if I was the only one he could see. I seemed to have been falling into those endless blue hues of his, biting my lip with some anticipation. Then I was on him, pushing and prodding. He accepted the kiss, pulling my head closer to him.

We stayed wrapped up in each other, lazily making out until Levi pulled away. “You should marry me.” He said, all serious and such.

“Is that your lousy way of asking?” I raised a brow, cocking my head at him.

“Yes.” He nodded.

I laughed, bringing his lips back to mine. “I might just have to.” I whispered into the kiss and once again lost into the man I could never part from.

And under the sky full of endless stars, my once hazy life dissolved into something I could hold with strength and an amount of stratification.

Because this was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. That's Dissolve.  
> What'd you guys think, cause I'm that kind of cheesy author xD  
> I want to thank you all again for the support, keep updated on my Instagram for when I should be posting the new fic, which will be called- 'The Boy Time Forgot' @/ ereri_ackerman  
> It should be up in a couple of days!  
> So stoked!  
> ah, *wipes the small tear*  
> This was so fun, but ahhhh, thank you all again for a third time!


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